...someone who doesn't know you're LGBTQ+ accidentally implies that you are. This happened today at a party I was at with a woman I know from Boy Scouts. There was a teenage girl there, probably a couple years younger than me, and her dad was showing someone else a photo of her boyfriend. Well, the lady I was talking to at the time misheard and thought he said "friend." So she turned around to me and asked, "do you have one of those?" I knew she meant a girlfriend, so I just said, "no." Her husband heard the full conversation and what she said, so he spoke up and said, "Boyfriend? You mean girlfriend?" She started apologizing and laughing about it, so I tried to turn it into a joke and laugh it off as well, despite the fact that I was quite uncomfortable with the conversation. I just said, quite honestly, "I don't have either." Well, that led the husband to ask, "You still on the fence?" I kept laughing and trying not to show that I was now extremely uncomfortable, and I said, "Well, I answered honestly!" There was a bit more laughing and bantering on the subject, but eventually it stopped. I was just sitting there with a fake smile plastered on my face, because there was no way I was going to come out in a room full of people I didn't know.
Sounds like an awkward moment for sure! From how you described it though it seemed like everyone would have been ok with it though, hopefully that is the case! Can't say that I have had a moment like that though.
I think you handled yourself exceptionally well... and I honestly think the woman and her husband were most likely trying to normalize it and not make it a big deal, not realizing that it is still a delicate subject for you. One of the hardest things as you start to come out and own who you are is to be OK with yourself and with who you are when others talk about it in front of people you don't know. The fear always is -- and it's not completely unfounded -- that people will reject you. Here's something Brené Brown says on the subject: If we think of potentially shameful experiences in life as going into an arena, then the people we don't know -- such as the people in the room -- are (continuing the metaphor) in the "cheap seats." They're sitting up in the nosebleeds, we aren't close to them, and they aren't close to us either. So if you think about it like that... their opinion doesn't really matter. And yet, a lot of us live our lives playing to the cheap seats instead of to the people close to us who matter. This does get a lot easier with time. And I'll say again... I think your handling of the situation was flawless, and handled with authenticity and integrity in spite of a rather awkward and not-very-thoughtful handling by the others.
