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Marriage

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by nomdeplume, Jul 29, 2014.

?

Which would you prefer?

  1. Big wedding

    7 vote(s)
    10.9%
  2. Small wedding

    35 vote(s)
    54.7%
  3. No wedding

    22 vote(s)
    34.4%
  1. nomdeplume

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    Am I the only one who doesn't want to get married? Don't get me wrong I'm all for equal marriage; and the fact that people quote the bible against it - which also bans people from mixing cloth, and eating shellfish, not to mention telling people to stone women to death if they have sex with a man before marriage - is so obviously ridiculous I won't go there.
    And I'm really happy for people who both want and do get married.
    It's just I have never had the desire to marry, in fact almost the opposite, and the only reasons I can think of why I would get married are legal reasons. I think the reasons I don't want to get married are the history of marriage - women are property, to honour and obey?! - but also; I see love as the small things; that secret smile you share, the ease with which you interact, the openness and trust, the understanding etc. To me, a marriage is too grand and formal a celebration of that love - even if it's a small wedding. Any thoughts?
     
  2. Hexagon

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    Not even close to being the only one. Don't worry, don't feel you have to get married. Equality is important, of course, but there are plenty of reasons not to do it once you have that choice. Given that sex before marriage is commonplace, and no one is really expected to get married, why bother at all?
     
  3. Browncoat

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    Would just like to note that "becoming married" and "having a wedding" are not mutually inclusive. You do not need to have a wedding to marry someone.


    As you're going to quickly discover in this thread, you're not remotely alone on here or in the queer community in general. And even in the heterosexual community, the notion of marriage being necessary in a life-long relationship is slowing becoming outdated.



    -----
    Anyhow, with regard to the wedding part, I'd much rather handle everything in private and have either no public celebration of it (celebration only amongst ourselves) or an extremely small one (maybe just immediate family and closest friends).

    If in a lasting, long-term relationship, I'd still prefer to be married for tax purposes. If the tax benefits were not there, I'm not sure if I'd still feel any need to be married...
    (I still might though, just not certain I would)
     
    #3 Browncoat, Jul 29, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
  4. mangotree

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    I'm the same.
    I feel strongly about marriage equality but never want to get married myself.
    It just doesn't seem necessary to me.
    If I love someone and want to be with them, then I'll just love them and be with them lol.
     
  5. nomdeplume

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    Thanks, that is exactly how I feel. But many have disagreed with me, and there's this generally held belief that a relationship is more 'true' if the people are married. Which is ludicrous in my opinion, marriage does not necessarily improve, or worsen for that matter, a relationship.
     
  6. Candace

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    I'd have a small wedding with only those who are important to me. Besides, from learning about one of my best friend's weddings, they are really expensive!
     
  7. Hexagon

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    I don't believe they actually have tax benefits anymore here.
     
  8. nomdeplume

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    Sorry, kind of confused by this. Do you mind clarifying.

    ---------- Post added 29th Jul 2014 at 02:10 PM ----------

    They do in the UK. Not sure where you are from so I don't know which 'here' you are referring to, sorry.
     
    #8 nomdeplume, Jul 29, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
  9. Greeley

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    EUGH I HATE WEDDINGS.

    I'd rather just have a big piss-up with family and friends. But i know my boyfriend will want an actual wedding. I do not see the point in spending so much money on something thats only going to last a day. I'd say a £3k wedding is the MAX i would like to spend on a wedding. Thats including everything. Wedding outside so no proper venue. BOYB for the after thing. People can camp out or find hotels somewhere near by if they want to.

    But my boyfriend has like 1000 friends. And since like half of them are girls, he has like 10 bridesmaids and i've told him hes only allowed 4 at max. He was not happy and apparently his friends will hate me. But 10 is stupid. specially since i am only having my two BEST mates as my Best men.

    It is going to be a big argument i think when it comes to it.
    I actually don't mind if he has loads or not, i'm just refusing for us to pay for them.
     
  10. RobinHood

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    Nice topic Nomdeplume. Your opinion is very much valued. I wish more people could think like you do. I often see people rush into marriage, not understanding it and then breaking up after a year or two. The worst thing about rushing into it and breaking up are the kids. They suffer the most because their parents weren't grown up mentally to take care of them and the family they had. Everyone makes mistakes but I'm seeing cases like that too often.

    About gay marriages, I wish them to have every single right like for e.g. adoption. Especially here where I live. But I think I won't ever get into one.
     
  11. Pax

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    I like the romantic notion of marriage. But, having witnessed my parents' divorce and generally become a bit disillusioned with the concept in this modern age of impermanencey, I think I'd be pretty cautious before actually getting into one.
     
  12. nomdeplume

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    I'm sorry you're parent's divorce and the modern age has hurt your view of marriage. I hope that, if you still wish to get married, you will find the right person and will have a long and happy marriage. (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 29th Jul 2014 at 03:34 PM ----------

    Thank you. And, I agree that, unfortunately, often during a divorce/separation it is the children who are most hurt. Tragically the children sometimes even blame themselves for the break up.:icon_sad:.

    I also think that adoption should be made easier for gay couples, and all loving committed couples - regardless if they are married or not.
     
  13. Nychthemeron

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    I'm going to force my partner to take a hike to the top of Mt. Everest. We will sing our favorite song and throw snow at each other's faces. Then, we will travel to a swimmable lake and splash the water. We will snorkel. We will adventure.

    We're going to go to a small restaurant in a small town. We will hug and cuddle on the bench in a little park. We will go bird watching with all the wrong gear, and once we're done, we will go home, wherever that may be, and watch The Fox and the Hound. And whoever cries will be hugged, and then we will fall asleep, and then we will wake up.

    Hurrah! MARRIED.

    ...

    Okay, not really, but I wish that was how it worked.
     
  14. Hexagon

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    I was under the impression that there were none in the UK, so I did some research. Looks like it only applies to those born before 1935. Link.

    There are other benefits to marriage, involving pensions and inheritance, but not tax specifically.
     
  15. Browncoat

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    At least in most countries that I know of (particularly Western ones), the only action needed to "become married" is to go to a local instituition of law (in the US, a courthouse) and file some paperwork indicating your partnership. After that point you would be, for most intents and purposes, married. A "marriage ceremony" of any sort, like a wedding, are not required at all in doing this, hence why you can "become married" without going through a wedding.

    From the phrasing of your original post you seemed to be of the impression that "getting married" requires "having a wedding." Perhaps I misinterpreted your meaning?



    Sign me up! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Sounds a lot more fun than the usual ceremony. :grin:
     
  16. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Weddings don't really interest me at all, if I ever got married I would probably just want to sign the paper and not have a big celebration or anything.
     
  17. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    I would book the venue, only the finest Peter Piper Pizza marriage for my lady...


    Nah Ithink if would be cool to have one but I would want it very VERY small and probably more of a non-traditional thing cos Im not into that cheesy holy macaroni shit and white dresses and suits and blah blah blaaaaah
     
  18. nomdeplume

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    Ah, terribly sorry I tend to be VERY literal in my definitions so for me a wedding (a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations) is when someone gets married. You must undergo the ceremony - signing the papers with witnesses - in order to get married even if you do not take part in the celebrations - being with family, friends, in a church etc. I can understand that for others the signing of the papers is not a ceremony, however I personally believe it fulfills the definition - An act or series of acts performed according to a traditional or prescribed form. Sorry to cause such confusion. Hope that clears things up a bit.
     
  19. OGS

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    I don't agree with the notion of the institution--the idea that the state officially sanctions some relationships and not others just seems strange and unnecessary to me. My partner and I have been together 16 years, we own a home together--I just don't see the point. On the other hand as a banker I've done enough estate planning to know that if one of us were to die before we took advantage of the legal protection of assets afforded by marriage I would deeply regret it, so I guess we'll get married. Romantic, no?
     
  20. Brodie

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    I want to wake up next to my husband, I want us to have the same legal rights as everyone else gets. I want to have a nice day were we can tell everyone how dedicated we are to each other, and I want to do it before any God who would listen because we can. (please don't go off on religion on me I don't mean it in any horrible way, but I practised religion with a deity and was shunned, I would like to tell him and show him I mean't love when I chose this person. Two fingers up to the people who said I shouldn't.)