Don't know, I am so pissed off and angry and at the same time I haven't said or done anything, I don't know how to handle this situation. Basically, I work closely with this man, we work a lot of hours together in the week and we talk a lot, have a great laugh. We go to lunch together and he is so good to me, he always gets my drink and stuff and I thought we were cool. He is a part time door men and pretty intimidating so I don't know what to do. Last week, and baring in mind he knows I'm gay, he told me that there was a guy approaching his friend when he was working on the doors, obviously gay and just talking to this guy and he said "if they did that to me I would jaw them". I laughed it off thinking nothing of it but it did hit a little nerve, I was like "just tell him to get lost but whatever". Then after, he told me about this guy who was in a store and making some eyes at him over a the shelves. Instead of ignoring him he nodded at the guy back and took him to a staircase where he then beat him up.. and he was like "it felt really good to beat him up for it" and I thought for what?! Looking at you? After that day I was a bit more self conscious about talking about blokes or anything, and I made it pretty clear I was into guys. He even says like "ey up" if some nice bloke comes in. So I thought he was cool. Then today, we were talking and he asked about me coming out to my parents. I said my Dad was really cool with it and he kinda looked at me and said "If my son said I would kill him" he was like seriously "haha yea I would knock him out and tell him no". It's made me feel really weird. How can he go from being great with me to being so horrible like that and being so infront of someone he knows would be effected by it? Surely he knows he is saying something which could be offensive? I thought about telling my manager because if someone told me and it was race related I am sure I would of, I just don't know how I feel because we are cool. Today has kinda hit that nerve again though and I don't get it. Sorry this is long.. you don't have to answer I just needed to rant it out. This probably doesn't even make much sense.
My friend is the exact same way (with respect to son coming out.) Albeit, I'm not out to him and he's legitly fine with gay people as long as they don't hit on him; however, he did say that he would disown his son if his son came out to him. So I guess it's the mentality of: "It's fine by me as long as it's not my son/daughter
I think it could be for many reasons. The first is that he doesn't have any relationship with that guy. Maybe you're like that sole exception? The second is that he's a homophobe that you shouldn't be spending time with. Imagine if you did the same thing that that other gay guy did. Would you have been in the same predicament?
See he works full time, do his hours can't change. Mine can't because I am at uni and running the morning means I need him really because he is one of few who actually do stuff. I feel like I should say something but if I do it will make my mornings difficult and awkward, and if I don't I will always feel like I have to censor myself because I get fucking pissed off when he says stuff against gay people. I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't say oh yea I go round beating up this particular type of people in front of the people it is about. I don't know. But it's guys like that, who taught and are aggressive that making it so fucking difficult to approach someone, and I don't mean any harm if I ask for your number, just taking it as a fucking compliment and tell me you ain't interested.
Unfortunately, there are people in this world who like to say things for effect. It's often calculated and deliberate with the intention of provocation. I've met this type before. If he was looking for a reaction, you didn't give it to him. You can only speculate as to the authenticity of his comments. I rather doubt it's all true, even not being there. I'm more inclined to believe he was testing you (for whatever dubious reason). As far as possible, I would distance yourself from him Brodie. He sounds a first rate prat.
Y'know that makes a lot of sense Linco and I never thought of it like that, but yea I know people who have deliberately said stuff to try and get a reaction. He is a big guy and I think he likes to remind people he is intimidating, he is constantly talking about how he will kick you out of a club he's working and how aggressive he can be. He is one to talk himself up a lot. It's difficult though, I wouldn't let anyone talk smack about me and my mates. I can be a fucker when it comes to disrespecting people and as I got older I got more pissed off about it. I'm always first to call someone out on stuff like this but my job is important at the moment and I can't get into something really when I am trying to show I can run the morning smoothly. I don't know. It sucks because he will walk away and say he would kill his son and then will look back and smirk at me. This displays such a violent angry side of me so I apologise.
You have two options, as I see it - escalate it through the proper channels or ignore it completely. You'd have every right to escalate it, but I suspect he would deny it or pass it off as a 'joke' and point to the fact that the two of you have worked together fine until now (to demonstrate his gay friendliness). Like I said, fairly calculated. In all honesty his comments seem like utter bullshit to me so it might be better to treat them as such and show no response at all unless a pattern develops. Your choice. I don't think you'd be wrong, either way.
I will ignore it. I don't want to deal with any crappy disciplinary stuff when I am trying to impress my boss with the morning shifts. I just hope I don't end up encouraging it by not saying anything. If someone is in the closet and heard him talking like this about gay people it could be really upsetting, I wouldn't want to come out if I heard fathers openly talking like this. An I don't want to give off a vibe that it's okay to talk like that. I don't know, maybe if I don't react he will quit. Sorry you had to listen to this.
I think Linco is pretty on point. I've noticed, most hard asses tend to brag a lot. Of course, you can't always take things said as bluffs, but if this guy keeps saying stuff that offends you, speak up. At least tell him, you aren't exactly keen on hearing about beating people up, or talking down on others. I'll say this from experience. When I was in a much worse place, many years ago, I liked when nobody spoke up. It was justification that what I was doing, was going to be tolerated, and thus could continue. Most people like this, intentional or not, don't like to be called out. They don't want to be challenged, because it begins to chip away at their armor. You can be respectful and tell him, you'd rather not engage in such conversational pieces. I would. Otherwise, you're just going to have to grind your teeth, and deal with it. It sucks you're pretty far away. I can be pretty intimidating myself, I'm sure I could scare some sense into that clown. Lol.
Thanks Kaiser, I wish you could come over and just show him a little fear haha. I feel like I should maybe say something, I just realised my post was obviously written so quick and in such a huff most of my spellings and grammar are wrong. It just grates on me because I wouldn't do that to someone, and when we are alone it can be hard to tell someone. I have however noticed talking about it that he has never said anything in front of anyone else about it, it's always been between 6.00 and 8.00 in the morning when there are only two of us. I don't know. Maybe that is something. I might just be light hearted and next time just say "dude, shut up I don't care haha" and see how he takes it. Don't mean to be a dick but I have the authority in the morning so I will just speak to management if he carries on, or try and get him to say something in front of someone else. Then I can be calculated too.
Matey in all honesty that guy sounds like a typical closet case who can't come to terms with things...
Wait this guy actually physically beat someone up for eyeing him up? OMG report him! I guess that incident wasn't at your place of work but if he can do that then it's obvious he has bad intentions. But It's so weird how he seems to be okay with it with you and asks about how coming out was etc! Talk about split-personality. Dunno how the office politics is at your workplace, but would reporting him make you very unpopular or put you at risk of being fired/ostracized? If not then report him...he's made clear homophobic remarks & real intentions about excluding or physically harming people for that pretty clear.
Stop talking to him about anything not related to your work. If he says anything negative about LGBT again, just say that you don't want to hear about his bipolar rage episodes and switch the topic back to work.
He's probably just talking shit, I think he might want to see you're reaction, being gay himself he's too much of a pussy to come out.. So he's made an image for himself.
You don't need that kind of negativity. Stay away from him. Do not confront him, I'd say, because he seems like he really likes to get into fights. Idk if you can take him on or not, but its always advisable to avoid these fights. Do you think reporting him would make him really angry? Cause in that case you should perhaps try talking to him and tell him that you find it really offensive.
There is a good chance that he is just talking smack to get a reaction out of you. But if he is serious, then that is scary. I'd not be around him or talk to him as much as possible. And when you are around him, as others have said, just keep the talks work related and if he goes on a spill about this or that just tell him you don't condone violence towards others or something and change the subject. If it ever gets to the point where you feel unsafe around him, then report him at that point.
It's odd because we have been in stairwells together and everyone says me and he are like bros and everyone takes the mik that he likes me and we are together. But he has a family, strictly Sikh and like 50 odd. He makes subtle warning remarks, but I haven't ever said anything toward him and I am not like that. I chase straight blokes and I don't walk around flaunting that I am gay, no "backs against the walls" or anything. I think I will just steer clear from him, I make a small remark to my manager because we are close and see if maybe I can move my hours so I don't have to work alone with him. He has made remarks about hitting me but I really don't think he is serious, he is really good with me. I just don't want to be around someone who talks shit like that, an this guy in the canteen who likes me and is being a little obvious is getting a lot of shit from him so I might ask him to stop. I don't know.
