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Jealousy in relationships

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Hexagon, Aug 13, 2014.

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Is jealousy in relationships healthy?

  1. Yes

    1 vote(s)
    3.2%
  2. Mostly

    8 vote(s)
    25.8%
  3. Not usually

    12 vote(s)
    38.7%
  4. No

    8 vote(s)
    25.8%
  5. Other

    2 vote(s)
    6.5%
  1. Hexagon

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    Obviously, jealousy doesn't tend to be voluntary, but even so, what do you think about it? Is it healthy or not?
     
  2. Ada M7

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    Very healthy, but please, everything in moderation. Too much of anything, even water, is a bad thing (even fatal!).

    Jealousy is a natural desire to defend what you have claimed (from a primal perspective). My GF is the jealous type, I don't mind it sometimes, but as I stated in another thread it - too much of it resulted in me not wanting to talk to her about my day anymore because small conversations apparently make her hate that person at my work. Like our recently added female assistant. (Obviously the fact I just came out to her as bisexual is still irrelevant).

    I used to be overly jealous (when I was 18 or so). I was really aggressive, blowing up phones, constantly harping on where she (exexexexex) was, dadadada. I'm not anymore, I find that it adds a lot of unwanted/unneeded stress and eventually drove her away from me. I have since learned that its important to trust someone... But a little jealousy here and there lets her / him know that they are still desired.

    It's a mutual thing, as long as it is in moderation, imo.
     
  3. Kai LD

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    Some jealousy, trending towards not much, is probably good since it just shows how into the other you are. Too much or not enough are unhealthy. One says "Why are we together?" and the other says "I feel like on some level I own you."
     
  4. Emulator

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    As long as it isn't overdone.
     
  5. Acm

    Acm Guest

    A little is probably okay, as long as it doesn't get out of hand.
     
  6. OGS

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    I personally think it's really unhealthy. I think it's strange how people talk about that sense of possessing another person like it's a good thing. To me it doesn't say that you love someone, but rather that you don't trust them and are not really sure being with you is the best thing for them. To me it actually speaks to a lack of real love and generally some issues with self-esteem. Just my opinion, I suppose...
     
  7. MassiveExtract

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    I think it's part of a relationship and it shows your affection. Personally I would love if my partner gets jealous, but would be pissed off if its overdone.
     
  8. Greeley

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    Its one of those "depends on the situation" things. Of course its natural and healthy to have a tiff with your partner now and again but sometimes jealousy can be the breaking point. Someone being jealous of their partner being attractive to other people may make the person feel unworthy thus making them feel like they just can't compete and think to end it sooner rather than later.

    My boyfriend got close to the point in this i think, me being on tumblr and a lot of people reblogging my selfie made him hate tumblr and also kind of feel inadequate for me which made him say "i don't want to hold you back" luckily i managed to convince him that he was being a dramatic idiot.
     
  9. Black Raven

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    I don't think jealousy is EVER healthy.
     
  10. Jenna0780

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    I think jealousy can be potentially healthy, in moderation, because it would mean that I at least long for -something- from the other person, that perhaps I am not getting enough of, or that I want for myself. It also means that I am still attracted to my mate, and motivates me to be a better partner for the other person.

    I don't, however, think that possessiveness is ever healthy. When jealousy becomes chronic, overt, or debilitating, we've got issues. That's just insecurity, which is unhealthy for anything, relationship, friendship, whatever.
     
    #10 Jenna0780, Aug 13, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2014
  11. bicomplicated

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    Well we are all human; I think we are a little jealous when it comes to people you care about. If you didn't feel ANY jealousy, it would almost seem like you didn't care. But when your jealousy gets extreme and it becomes an every day thing and you start acting out, then jealousy becomes unhealty imo. Like when u start telling your partner he or she can't have certain friends or accusing your partner when no accusation is warrented, then that is unhealthy. I don't think most relationships will last with extreme jealousy; for sure not healthy. Unless your partner has betrayed your trust, you should keep on trusting and not let jealousy take over. Trust is the foundation for a good relationship imo.
     
  12. Tai

    Tai
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    As Ada said, I think it's fine unless it gets to a high or even moderate level. If it's low, it shows that a person in the relationship cares for the other one. If there was no jealousy at all, one might question if the other really likes them or is more casual than they think.
     
  13. Candace

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    I think that it depends on the context. Jealously from someone that likes me means that they truly like me and wouldn't want me with anyone else. I love that, to be honest. But if they go overboard, as in I can't talk or spend time with my friends because of this guy's jealousy issues, then he and I will have a serious problem.
     
  14. TabletopFan

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    Jealousy is an instinctive behaviour, so I believe it's fine. Like it's been mentioned several times, as long as it's not too overtly over the top it's fine.
     
  15. Hexagon

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    Instinct≠morality
     
  16. The thing about jealousy is that it's not usually about how much you love the person.

    It's about feeling bad about yourself.

    I don't think that's natural, I don't think it's healthy, I think it's a problem.

    That's not to say that I think no one will ever feel jealousy or that they should never feel it. All I'm saying is that those feelings need to be examined for what they are, not just accepted or worked around.

    Being jealous happens to most, if not every, person at some point or another.

    We just need to be better at recognizing it, recognizing the underlying issues and handling it appropriately. And those are things we don't generally do/show/teach/talk about.
     
  17. Chip

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    Thedreamwatch has hit the nail on the head.

    In a healthy relationship, where your partner is trustworthy and both of you have open and honest communication, there's really no room for jealousy.

    If you think about it if you are jealous, it's coming from a place of fear... usually that your partner will betray your trust. And that, in turn, usually comes form a deep and usually unconsnscious fear that you aren't deserving or worthy of the relationship you're in... that you aren't "good enough."

    If you believe in yourself, and believe that you're worthy, and if your partner is authentic and trustworthy, then you know that there's nothing to fear, and therefore, nothing to be jealous of. If your partner isn't worthy of that trust, or isn't authentic, then the relationship isn't healthy.

    That said, a lot of people have jealously. So if you see it happening, think about the above and work on wherever the issues are that are causing it.
     
  18. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I think a moderate amount of jealousy is a good thing. It shows that you really care about the person you're with. But when that little green monster becomes out of control, THAT'S when the trouble starts. I admit that I can be a little bit too jealous in my relationships, to the point of becoming controlling, obsessive and possessive. And that usually ruins the relationship. Trust is also a problem for me. I've been cheated on by numerous partners, including both girlfriends I've had so far. So I find it extremely hard to fully trust the person I'm with. A little bit of jealousy is fine, but there also has to be trust
     
  19. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    it happens, probably shouldnt too much or excessively, unless it is for a sitcom
     
  20. thekillingmoon

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    A little jealousy is natural, it's called being human. Perfect relationships don't exist. As long as you don't take it too far like constantly spying on your partner, checking their text messages, etc. That's not very healthy, of course.