It all started when I was born (Might wanna grab some popcorn...). I was born without one of my tear ducts. So my eye would water ALL THE TIME. All the kids in 1st grade would call me a "crybaby". Not that bad, right? Just wait. ALL throughout elementary school, I was bullied for many different reasons. It wasn't just crybaby anymore. It was ugly, fat, stupid, retarded, weird, worthless; the list goes on. It got more and more serious. I was coming home crying everyday. Even my sister and brother and their friends would attack me. My school didn't do ANYTHING about it at all. And to top it all off, my dad would bully me too. He'd abuse my deaf brother too. But eventually he left mine and brother's lives. It got worse in 6th grade. 6th grade is when I finally decided to put a label on my sexuality. One day I came-out to my "group". They were very accepting to me. I could tell one of them didn't feel very comfortable around me after that. Then another one of them told me something that broke me. She told me that one person in the group (the uncomfortable one; let's just say her name is Janet) was telling EVERYONE about it. At that time, I was still trying to accept it myself. I didn't want anyone to know; I was trying to avoid bullies. People were coming up to me and asking if it was true. I know I shouldn't have, but I denied everything. This one girl (let's just say her name is Monet) hated me so much for the rumors. I began to be threatened by her so much, I just couldn't take it anymore. All my friends left me, everyone hated me, my brother and sister hated me, I just couldn't stand the teasing, threats, and all the disgusted looks. I wrote to one of my "friends" one day. It involved the sentence "should I just kill myself?" I was seriously considering it. I've seen SO many counselors and therapists. Nobody seemed to help or care. She gave the note to the school counselor, who gave it to my mother. She made me see a therapist for awhile. Then she eventually forgot to take me. 7th grade. It was way worse than 6th grade. At the beginning of the year, almost everybody knew my name from all the rumors from the previous year. This year I cut my hair. I donated it to Locks of Love. A lot of people thought of it as a "sign" of me being a lesbian (everyone where I live is homophobic and they don't understand the difference between bi and gay). But I did dress a lot like a boy. I got so many stares. On the bus, this kid was bullying me; I remember him saying stuff like: "You're so ugly", "you're a f*cking man, not a girl", "when you stick you're head out of the window, you get arrested for mooning", "you're an ugly fag", and "go die". ... I didn't know people could be so cruel. I'm crying just writing this! It's people like this that are the reason why society is so f*cked up these days. I cried so hard that day. Later on in the year, a boy punched me on my boob so hard, that I couldn't feel my upper arm for a few hours. All year, people would look at me with disgusted faces, call me ugly, and call me weird. I have 2 best friends now, Joan and Bradlee. In my blog, I write about them. They are both free, crazy, beautiful spirits that teach me something new every time I see them. They are both bisexual, just like me. Bradlee is crazy, fun, and very unique. He has a very imaginative (and perverted) mind. Joan is free. She doesn't let anything bring her down, she's my best friend, and I love her so much. One time we decided to do something awesome. We wrote "I SUPPORT THE GAYS!" and "GAY IS OKAY!" ALL over our arms. Of course, since everybody in my school is homophobic, we got in trouble. They yelled at us, told us if we do it again, or if we don't come-out to our parents, then they'll call them. They told us that what we were doing was wrong. That it wasn't special or important. I wanted to just rip my hair out! I was so angry! And it is NOT in their place to come-out for us. That's OUR decision. We have to be READY. Hope you learned a thing or two about bullying. If you ever need advice on bullying, do not be afraid to ask. You're you, and you're beautiful. Never forget that...
you are a brave girl stay that way and never forget to keep your head high! Its only a matter of time when you'll leave these sad ppl behind and step into a more accepting world
I've been looking into some statistics recently and between 5-10% of people in a given population are of a non-straight sexuality, from this, it's nice to think that there are probably other people in your school just like you but just aren't out yet! Something I've been thinking about, and maybe you could consider, is trying to start a GSA at school. If you're even remotely successful then you might et over people to come out and start defending their sexuality which would be awesome, right!?
Wow. And I thought people were cruel at my school. I've got it easy. You are so wonderful, telling off the school like that. I don't think I'd have the courage to do that if my school was like yours. Not to mention I'm a bit of a suck-up and a teachers pet. And you are just so brave. Thank you. The story was incredibly sad and moving and beautiful all at the same time. I hope things start to get a little better.
Jeez, that is awful. I was also bullied badly at school and at home, so I can relate. It's great that you have those two friends who are sticking by you, though! People at your age are kind of crazy, and can be extremely cruel. It's cliche, but it will get better. As you get older the people around you will also mature and hopefully gain a sense of decency and respect for those around them. It's great to see you are holding your head high through all of this. Keep it up!
