Hello All I hope you are all well. I am trying out this forum posting idea for the first time as I am having trouble deciding what is best for myself regarding my situation. I am a 22 year old gay guy who has an unusual strong attraction for men significantly older than I am. However, I am not 100% comfortable with myself liking older men considering all the issues which arise. As a result I just ended a year long relationship with a man who was 38 years older than me. I ended this relationship for various reasons, I was not comfortable with introducing him to friends ( as he was old enough to be my dad) and there were also concerns about age related health etc if i let the relationship continue. Now I am trying to open myself up to the idea if going out with a younger man, which I could certainly do, however my strong attraction for older men is still there, and I am wondering whether that is what I truly want. It would be great if I found someone my age as I could introduce to friends, and hopefully do more with them than I could with my 60 year old ex. With him we had a great time going ok to the theatre, art galleries and lazing about, but it would also be nice to have someone I could stay out late with, or who would be fit enough to go on active holidays with etc. I haven't yet been with a young man but want to try. For some reason it's more nerve racking flirting with men my age. But what should I do in your opinion. Accept that I like older men as another element of my sexuality, or try for a younger guy for the possibility of a longer and more fulfilling relationship. A positive aspect of the latter would be that I would find them more and more attractive with age! Any thoughts / replies would be greatly appreciated! However no need to tell me how odd I am for my preference in men. I know it's unusual!)
Do whatever makes you happy. I understand your concerns about being with an older guy and sometimes I think about that from other side of the fence, i.e. being with a very young man... You are still too young to settle for something, if you ask me. So take your time to figure this feelings. Also in time your age gap between older man will be lessen. That might help with your insecurities a bit.
I think you are right in saying I am too young to settle down. However that was part of the problem with the age gap in the previous relationship. The man I was dating was at an age where settling down seemed like a nice thing to do. I should have been clear about the level of commitment I was willing to give . I guess what I'm trying to figure out is what will make me happy in the long run.
Do whatever makes you happy! It's no place for me to judge (I personally prefer older guys too, but like 1-2 years older). I never like being the older guy in a relationship :/.
It's whatever you want. I can relate and I can't relate. When I was in college, I found some profs up to their early 40s or thereabouts good looking, but mostly it was students my own age, even though I tended to check out upperclassmen more so than freshmen and sophomores. Did I want to be involved with these older guys? No way. I would NOT recommend that sort of age spread for more serious involvement. What exactly is it about an older guy that is that much older than you that reels you in? Knowing that would help.
Well in terms of my preference for older men there are many factors I find appealing. I like the confidence, the maturity, the wisdom (obviously something you won't find in all older men). Older guys generally have a more laid back attitude , and present themselves in a real way. There is not the younger "gay scene" lifestyle which I don't personally find appealing, or the try hard image consciousness that younger people generally have. (Not saying that's how all young gay guys are). However, to put it simply I find older men physically attractive too. I personally like a bit of grey hair. It doesn't put me off when a man isn't in shape, it just looks like they are relaxed and enjoying life. When I look at an older mans face, rather than seeing tired eyes, I see experience and handsome appeal. I don't know if anyone would agree but there is also a certain cuteness men get above 50. That being said I do also appreciate the good looks of an older man, there just aren't the same urges. ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2014 at 12:09 PM ---------- That should have read I also appreciate the good looks of younger men. ( men closer to my age)
In terms of hanging out and doing things with them, I don't see why age is a problem. I hang out and play sports with younger guys all the time, and ride my bike with men of all ages, who seem to get along just fine with each other. If you are imagining a long-term relationship with someone substantially older, then eventually age could be a problem, but if you die unexpectedly, he can always find another young guy.
All I'm sayin' is, I know how that is Personally, I just tend to feel more at ease in the presence of older people in general, as opposed to people my age =S I don't think there's anything wrong with it - it's just a little unconventional =D (But I love unconventional, so it's all good) =P
