I am curious how often this happens- that a particular straight person ends up dating multiple people who later realize they are gay. I've only ever dated one guy. At the time I assumed I was straight, or at most maybe a *little* bisexual. We were friends for over 10 years but dated only around 9 months. And now, a few years since we've broken up and also unfortunately ended our friendship, I'm realizing I'm likely a lesbian. But, here's the kicker. His girlfriend before me, W, also came out as bisexual (now I believe she identifies as lesbian, though) shortly after the two of them broke up. The two of them were together much longer, something like 5 years, I believe. He only had one other relationship besides myself and W, back in high school, and I know nothing about that girl other than that it was a short lived thing. So does anyone else have a similar story? What is it about certain guys that might attract a gay women? Or, is it that they are attracted to a certain type of girl? I am just curious as to whether this is a phenomenon or just an odd coincidence, and whether there is any particular explanation.
It's interesting as I think about it that I have only known it the other way around. I've actually known several women with a history of dating men who later turned out to be gay. I've always just kid of felt bad for them rather than trying to figure out what if anything else they had in common. I think it's definitely a thing though...
I guess I am wondering if there's some reason because, as you said, I feel a bit bad. I haven't spoken to my ex in years but I passed by him this evening (we basically waved at each other and moved on) which renewed my thoughts on the matter. He's a very sensitive individual, so I'm hoping if news of my coming out reaches him, which it likely will as we have a couple of friends in common, he doesn't take it too hard. At the same time I know I can't get too wrapped up in his feelings on the matter, he's not really even part of my life anymore.
I really wouldn't worry about it--especially if you broke up years ago. If anything I feel like it would present a sort of blame-free reason it didn't work out. Obviously, you know him better than I...
Maybe so, though we broke up for other reasons entirely. It's hard to know what will set him off and what won't. He handled W's coming out very well, and I think it was indeed because it presented that blame free scenario for him. I'm not obsessing or overly worried about it, it's just one of those curious things that you wonder about.
Statistically it's bound to happen. I don't think there's anything in particular about the people it happens to.
I'm sure that it happens more likely than not. I mean, if you count the times that you've "dated" someone in lieu of terms like "serious relationship", then those numbers will be higher. Also, it may depend on your expectations, thus making dating encounters more frequent. So let's say in the span of five years, you date 20 people. I'm sure that out of those 20, at least 2-3 will be gay.
I really don't think it's a matter of just statistics. I can think of three women that if I had to mention the five significant relationships they have had two, three and four respectively of those five have later turned out to be gay--that's possible in a random sampling but really unlikely. I think it has to do with the sort of relationship one seeks and the sort of person one seeks out.
I'm more inclined to agree with OGS. I'm sure chance comes into play somewhat, but I think it's more than just that, and has something to do with either the person themselves or the types of people they are attracted to. To clarify, ElPanaChevere, I'm speaking more about significant relationships rather than just dating.
This makes me thing maybe we have a higher gay population than we think and people putting this low percentage on it just do it as a security blanket .
