Are you suppose to love your mother no matter what she does to you ?

No beating 'round the bush:

I don't agree with this.
No, you're not supposed to love your parents no matter what. There are limits.

Of course YOUR mum would say something like that after all she's done... prolly scared of losing you, of losing control.

 

No. You're not supposed to do anything you don't feel or want to do. Some people, mothers included, are entitled and others think that they are owed something for birthing a child. Not true. They are not owed anything they do not deserve.

Respect & love is earned.

I would simply tell her that she should not have had kids if she expected to abuse them and be loved for it.

 

No, Stocking, this sounds like bs your mother is spewing to keep control over you. Whether you love her or you don't is your business. It sounds like your relationship with your mother is difficult to put it mildly. Sometimes parents cross lines, and just because she gave birth to you does not give her the right to treat you like she does.

My father's father was extremely abusive to him and when he died my father literally said "I won't shed a tear for that man." On the other hand, my mother's mother was very neglectful and emotionally abusive but my mother still tries to foster a relationship with her. It's up to you what your relationship with your parent is going to be, and you don't "owe" her anything, particularly with the way she treats you.

 

Goodness no. Just because someone's a mother doesn't mean they automatically get a free pass to do or say whatever they want to their kid. You have no obligation to keep abusive/toxic people in your life no matter how close of a relation.

 

No. In a word. Stocking from the posts of yours I've read re your mum, I personally would've cut ties a long time ago. But... That is easy for me to say as I don't live at home and am independent. I have four children and no way in hell would I treat any of them the way your mum treats you. I'm very sorry you have to experience that, as it's not how a mother should treat their child. Yes a mother gives you life, looks after you etc, but that's what mums do, they do it without payment, only for love in return. I would go to the ends of the earth for my kids and there's nothing I wouldn't do nor anyone I wouldn't overcome in order to protect them. If one of them said to me they were into something different from the rest of us, I'd want to know what it was, but wouldnt be judgemental. At the end of the day, your child is an individual and they have the right to be who they choose to be and do what they think is right and as a mum I believe your job is to be there to guide and support them, without judgement, only with love.

 

Yes. But I also believe people should be understanding and forgiving.. my mother was and still is a pretty hard person to deal with, shes an alcoholic, she openly plays favoritism, she has beaten and mentally abused me and my sister and also was a bit neglectful. ... But I love her to bits! <3 I know my mother has mental problems and can be incredibly unstable and she knows it to, I don't believe she tries to be horrible- she tries to improve herself and how she treats her children everyday and feels appalled by how she treated us and I forgive her and understand her. If I were to have abandoned her and cut off ties with her (like my brother) she wouldn't have been able to realize what she was doing wrong and would have continued the same mistreatment with my younger sibling but now I let her know when shes behaving poorly and help the best I can.
Shes not perfect and no one is..
I think if a mother has no regret for how she treats you and/or your sibling and has no respect for you and hates you then.. you should distance yourself from her, and should not even bother a relationship with someone vile. But you should still love her and wish her the best even though your lives may have to be lived separately.

 

I don't think being a parent is a good excuse for you to be a dick to your kids, no matter what. While I do think that the tolerance for forgiveness should be higher with parents, it should not come at the expense of one's mental health.

 

Fuck 'er.
She's no right to demand love.

 

Then one day she will be alone and miserable. Then years later, as she lay dying in her bed, she will wonder if it was worth it... Or she won't and her hate will die a hateful death.

Hatred corrupts in the most terrible ways.

 

Its has nothing to do with serving her or giving into a demand of love.
You should probably not be around her but whats wrong with loving her :rolle:
If she doesn't want to change, fine, but don't hate her-

Its not good for you or her.

 

no i have three "mothers" i love one of them
my birth mom tried to kill me, my step mom hates me , and my adoptive mother loves me so no love is something you give and in return get she didn't give birth to me but she makes me feel wanted and loved

 

I don't love malicious people that are bad for me and treat me horribly wrong. Simple as that.
It's my way of doing it, and after all I've read about Stocking's mum, she's better off that way!

 

She wants to justify the same impulse that leads people to torture something that stung them? She is a totally unethical person with twisted emotional responses. I'm so sorry you have to have a mother like that. Even with all the screwjobs my mom managed to accidentally deliver she didn't MEAN to be mean like this. (*hug*) I just can't believe it, but I have to. How could she be this way. :icon_sad:

 

That's not what Im saying.
My neighbor is 42 years old,her mother was abusive beyond believe, and she cant stand her worth anything. After trying and trying to mend a realationship that wasn't possible in her youth she said f** it. "You don't love me you don't want me and you cant be around me my children and husband, you abusive b**, slapped her" she hasn't seen her in 15 years.
Her mother now has cancer and is dying- and she will probably die alone.
Does she love her mother? Yes. Does she wish her mother the best? Yes.

Why? I asked her(if you heard her story you ask too)!
Because Im a mother too, I haven't been the best but there will always be a connection between me and my children. I love my mother, I forgive my mother, but since she will never change where better separate then together.

 

The fact that someone decides to have a kid doesn't mean they can control everything in their life.
I know is hard to get distance from toxic people specially if one is raised in a sort of traditional family where the hierarchy and family bond is a law one must obey no matter what, a rule with which they can manipulate you to follow their saying even if those don't follow your own principles.
My aunts on my mom side are pretty controlling of my life even about my clothing, they were like that even when my mom lived. I loved my mom to bits and she loved me and respected me for who i am. I mean when I said I don't want to wear girly clothes, she respected it even when I was 5 years old, she always supported me on every choice I made and encouraged me whenever I was doubtful about anything. I'm sure if she were here she'd accept me as I am now, but I can't say the same about my aunts, which for intance one tried to manipulate me emotionally to make me turn into her religious confession by saying "so you'll can spend more time with your cousin, don't you enjoy spending time with your cousin?". How can I take that as normal? I don't go making people to do or think as I do, I take responsability in my life choices which is something most of the times this sort of people don't do.
I don't like to hurt people's feelings but I don't like this sort of manipulative toxic people around me either and sometimes I wonder if they are conscious that they are toxic?

 

I have struggled with this question for quite some time. The answer is quite obviously no, however the hard part is the gray area: Where's the line where it's acceptable to write her out of your life? It's a question that only the individual can answer for themselves.

 

You don't have to love her. But to give in to hate isn't healthy. Hate is as strong as love, and it can eat you up. My own mom was abusive and super controlling. But I realized that it had to do that she herself was absused as a child, had to make a decission that affected her psychologically at 15, and had me at 16 without much help from anyone raising me. I always told myself that my mom didn't know better, but that I have learned from her mistakes and know better. I always, especially with children, want to help people not harm. But even though I had zero respect for my mom, I still love her. She's my mom and no matter what I will always love her. Does that mean I agree and comply with her wishes and let her walk over me? Absolutely not! She once accused me of not respecting her, and I just rolled my eyes and said '' Mom, even though you are my mother, respect is earned.'' Even parents have to earn respect. It's a priviledge not a right. And no one has the right to manipulate and control children. Your mom may deserve love but that is all. She does not automatically deserve respect and she for sure does not automatically deserve to be allowed to control you or anyone else. Things got better with me and my mom after I moved out. Now we can be together and be civil to each other at least. I hope things get better for you and for your friend.