How does one truly get confidence?

Simply put you have to believe it. Start telling your self that you are confident over and over again. Keep doing it every day then one day you will see that you are confident. Trust me it will work you may not believe it but it will work.

---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2014 at 10:38 AM ----------

I don't know if I stressed it enough I really mean it. When you are sitting down watching tv or on the computer ect say out loud I am confident and strong.

 

You have to believe in yourself and that you are worth something. You also think that something good is going to happen to you as well (being more optimistic).

 

I hate that too, stocking.

Online, I'm decently confident, and you'll probably see me as borderline narcissistic, as much as I talk about myself. Haha.

But offline? You might think I have one of the lowest self-esteems ever.

I agree with ElPanaChevere. Optimism is the key. Sometimes I feel worthless, but then some lovely voice of reason says, "Out of seven billion people, you really think no one's going to care? Wake up, you asshole!"

(disclaimer: don't diss yourself unless it helps motivate, like it does to me. LOL)

Start by looking here. We all love you, and I, personally, love reading your posts. So that's already a lot of people - and if we like you, others will too. EC is only a little sliver of the world - a world that's definitely yours to live in. So go ahead and seize your life. It belongs to you, after all.

 

Yeah I'd say that you pretty much have to believe in what you are doing. I got that kind of confidence in fencing but not in interpersonal relationships. The key is believing in yourself. Wish it were as easy as it sounds eh?

 

lemme knoww when u figure it out.

 

Confidence isn't something, whole, that you find, like a buried treasure. While that would be fun and awesome, and very simple, that isn't how it works.

What others have said, about optimism, this is true. I second, or third, or fourth this, whatever the appropriate number. However, that's only part of the confidence formula.

If we were to write that so-called formula out, it would look something like this:

??? + Optimism = Confidence​

We're missing a piece of the formula, obviously. Most people will try anything, and fill that part in, but it often doesn't work. Either they wind up too stressed, too discouraged, or feeling any other way but confident.

That missing piece is Progress. Yes, Progress.

You're probably scratching your head, and saying:
" Progress? Well, that doesn't really say much, Kaiser. How the hell can it be 'progress'? "

I'm glad you asked that! LOL!

When you do something, you progress. When you pass a test, you progress. When you complete a project, you progress. In order to obtain this progress, you have to achieve something, which differs in each of those examples. But one thing remains, it takes bits and pieces to achieve that progress.

For example, let us take passing a test. To pass a test, you usually have to study, and remember. Studying and remembering, individually are useful, but together, they're life savers. You don't just pass a test, you prepare to pass a test.

If you want confidence, you have to progress. You need to set goals, and see them through. Now, you don't have to cure cancer (though it would be nice), save all the kittens in trees around the world (though it would be nice), or even stand up to a bully (though it would be nice). You could do something as simple as, "I'm going to walk around the block today.", and do it. You could do something as simple as, "I'm going to give someone a compliment today.", and do it. You could do something as simple as, "Instead of watching television, I'm going to read.", and do it.

Continually doing these things, will instill discipline, which in turn guarantees a higher probability of seeing success through. Begin small, and build up. Here, you will gain confidence much faster. It's a process that you can't ever quit, nor is it a problem that you can solve, with the snap of a finger. Like most anything in life, it requires constant attention to make sure, it stays in working order.

Soon, you'll go from walking a block, to trying on a cute outfit in public, despite what others might think or say, or giving somebody a simple compliment to being able to look folks in the eye, without breaking eye contact and with a smile.

For me, running an extra minute, lifting a weight an extra time, dominating winning a game of online Chess, and so on and so forth, by themselves, don't seem like much, but when piled together, they become something. Think of all the little things, as crumbs. Individually, they're hard to see, but put enough of them together, and the whole cookie becomes visible...

... and yes, I just referred to a cookie, when talking about confidence.

I guess that's just the way, the cookie crumbles, LOL!





Dear Lord, I'm TERRIBLE!

 

Self-confidence and self-esteem is an up and down thing. You don't just achieve it and then boom, you're done doing work now. I used to have shit self-esteem and sometimes it creeps back up on me, but there are a couple things I can do to improve my outlook on myself.

1. really consciously make an effort to talk to yourself and about yourself respectfully.
I read a quote somewhere on the internet a while back that said something like,
"How long would you let someone be your friend if they talked to you like you talk to yourself?"

That quote really made an impact on me. Every time I was thinking about how worthless I am or how bad I am or how I don't deserve good things I remembered that question. I decided to become my own friend and talk about myself better. I wouldn't tolerate that behavior in other people, why should I hold myself to different standards? If am worthy of other people's respect, why am I not worthy of my own? Talking about myself in a way that I would allow other people to talk about me made me feel a lot better. I could be honest with myself, but I didn't have to be mean. I could look at my good and bad parts a little more objectively, like I would for a friend, if I wasn't just putting myself down all the time.

2. If it's difficult for you to get into the swing of ~optimistic and totally great!~ (it was for me) try to just be okay for a bit while you're working up to it.
It was really hard for me to talk myself up. I didn't feel that way and to fake it seemed obnoxious and unhelpful to me. So, at first, I decided to just be okay. I didn't have to think I'm so awesome, I just had to think I was good enough. For now. I'd work on thinking I'm awesome later on.
This helped because it broke 'feeling better about myself' down into measurable steps and goals. I knew I couldn't go from zero to great in a day, so I decided to take it slow and really feel what I feel instead of faking it and not really working on my real issues.

3. Do something with yourself. Set a reasonable goal and make it happen. Start small, move up to bigger things.
This is what really did it for me. Part of the bad self-talk I had been doing was about how I would never amount to anything and I could never do or be what I wanted. But by setting small goals and accomplishing each one I noticed a pattern. I could actually do the stuff I wanted to do. Heck, I did stuff all the time! Celebrate and treasure each small success. It made me feel a lot better. I learned to be proud of myself when I did a small new thing even if it was scary at the time. If I took the bus to a new place by myself, I celebrated that. If I successfully planned that wedding shower for my friend, I celebrated. If I cleaned up all the dishes before they got totally gross, I celebrated. If I got up on time every day for a week, I celebrated. If I passed a test that was really hard, I celebrated.
I had to relearn how to be proud of myself. I had been letting the little daily accomplishments pass me by and just judging myself on huge stuff that I hadn't even tried to do yet.
Now, I'm proud of myself when I keep the house clean for a week and when I finish the last degree requirement I need to graduate from college. I am proud of myself when I eat healthy food instead of cheetos and when I sign the lease for my new apartment. Big and small, I am achieving things left and right. And that just prove that I CAN do whatever I want, as long as I'm not scaring myself off of it by putting myself down.

 

Mm.

Great minds think alike, or close enough, thedreamwatch?

 

I think confidence strongly correlates to how a person views themselves and others. The foundation of it lies in a person's values and beliefs. Changing the beliefs and assumptions of themselves into something more realistic will change their confidence.

One thing that helps me is to know that even though I make mistakes and do wrong occasionally, doesn't mean I am a "bad" person. Everybody makes mistakes and does wrong, it only matters that we try to be aware of them, and try to be a better person. Even though I have quirks and flaws, that doesn't mean I am unworthy. And I apply this to my close relationships as well. Everybody has shortcomings, but overall, there is always something that makes them great. Knowing this has helped me maintained my friendships for the long-term.

Another defeating belief is thinking that I cannot rely on myself. But on realizing that I do have a tool-box of unique talents and gifts, and a whole array of wisdom from the years I have been alive, I realized that I have more than enough to get through any hardship. With the experience that we have been equipped with, there is always a way. And there will always be a way to access guidance and support if needed.

 

Y'know I've looked and looked at the grocery store, Walmart, Target, and I can't find the stuff *anywhere*. I always have to make my own. Here's my best recipe.

The more you can act and live with integrity...actuating the person inside of you, whether or not it accords with social messages, approval, or disapproval...being that person who is truly you at whatever cost...the more self-confident you will be.

It's not easy. You'll get attacked, you'll get looked down upon, because society (particularly authority) can't abide a rebel. Carry on, despite the hurt. Continue to *look* for you, and then as you find shards of you, let yourself *become* you. Value the bits of you that you find. You'll care less and less about what others think and say, because *you* are so damned valuable just as you are.

 

For me, self-confidence is a never-ending process. When I was younger I had horrid self-esteem and ideas of self-worth. What Kaiser and thedreamwatch said is pretty spot on but I'll see if I can add anything.

For me, the first time I realized I had self-esteem issues was actually because of something someone said on TV. They were challenged to look in the mirror for 5 minutes straight. It kept bugging me and I kept putting off doing it by saying it was stupid. When I finally did, I was able to get to 2 minutes before I started crying.

I've made it a long way since then and encountered a lot of problems, but I think the key to confidence is challenging yourself and going through with that challenge. Catch what you don't like about yourself and implement a plan to change it with your own power. What's interesting is that I almost always find something I never planned.

For example: Problem: I hated the way I looked. Plan: Exercise and eat better. Unexpected benefit: I'm enjoying food in a way I never have before and I feel great, even though I look no different. Outcome: I'm more confident in my body and appearance.

Problem: I give up too easily. Plan: Finish things. Unexpected benefits: I'm learning to manage my time better and enjoy each hour of the day. Outcome: I'm finishing multiple things and learning how to manage my time instead of moping about how I give up too easily :lol:

It may seem silly, but at the same time, reaching these small goals makes me feel like a better person, and therefore have more confidence in myself to do better and greater things.