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Thoughts on dating older people?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by clAsh, Aug 23, 2014.

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  1. clAsh

    clAsh Guest

    Last night I was out drinking with my best friend and this 43 year old man asked me out. It really creeped me out, all I could think is that he was older than both my parents :confused: that's also what I told him when I said no. He said that age is just a number and I agree to an extent. That extent being that its okay for people that don't have a problem with it. I do though and I can't help it. I just wouldn't be able to do it, I would obsess over it and overthink it, how they're in a different stage in their life than I am and he had been married twice before and I've never even been in a serious long term relationship. Just.. No.
    What are you guys thoughts on it?
     
    #1 clAsh, Aug 23, 2014
  2. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    As long as they don't look old and they can have sex it's all good .:icon_bigg
     
    #2 stocking, Aug 23, 2014
  3. Given To Fly

    Given To Fly
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    I'm 11 1/2 years older than my boyfriend, and sometimes it freaks me out a little knowing with hindsight that I was wondering why I felt 'different' to other boys before he was even born. But I came out later in life, so in some ways our emotional development is kinda at a similar stage. So it works for us.

    So yeah, age is just a number. But there has to be attraction there too.
     
    #3 Given To Fly, Aug 23, 2014
  4. maselalala

    maselalala
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    I actually prefer someone younger but I feel I'd be out of place and like I'd ruin his life by just being there.. sooo that's pretty much why I try to go for around my age. :frowning2:
     
    #4 maselalala, Aug 23, 2014
  5. eternallyapril

    eternallyapril
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    I think that as an adult the age difference is probably less of a negative thing. But, as a teenager even three years can be too large of an age difference.
     
    #5 eternallyapril, Aug 23, 2014
  6. timo

    timo
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    A 20-year age gap seems very unhealthy. Well, it might work when you're 50 and your partner's 70, but at this age... no. Completely different stages of life.

    Sidenote: I already feel bad when I like a 19yo guy :lol:
     
    #6 timo, Aug 23, 2014
  7. Yosia

    Yosia
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    Its totally personal preference. I personally do like the 18-25 range in men but my age in girls.

    Unless there is an obvious 'abuse' due to age then its whatever floats your boat. ^.^
     
    #7 Yosia, Aug 23, 2014
  8. Chip

    Chip
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    Relationships where there are age gaps of more than 3 or 4 years are very rarely healthy when the younger person is under 27 or so. This is true regardless of whether the older person just came out or has been out for many years. A generational age gap (20+ years) is pretty much guaranteed to be unhealthy.

    The biggest and most common problems are differences in stability, stage of life, and income, and the resulting imbalance of power. What you often see is the older person ends up being a lot more dominant/controlling/caretaking, which tends to create codependency and, especially for the younger person, often inhibits a sense of independence and self-sufficiency.

    Very, very few such relationships last due to the above issues. Often, the people most vehemently against them are the ones who were in them and were convinced they were the best thing ever until they got out of one and realized how dysfunctional it was.

    Unfortunately, there are a lot of older men who simply never progress into being able to be in emotionally healthy relatiionships and instead keep going after young guys and have relationship after relationship after relationship that doesn't serve either person. And there are younger guys who are often trying to replicate something they never had growing up -- a healthy relationship with a father figure -- and instead mistake that need for what a healthy relationship looks like.

    One thing to ask yourself when an older guy wants to date you: Would an emotionally healthy person want to date someone half his age, that he has very little in common with? Most likely you're being approached by someone who's looking at your youth and appearance and doesn't really care about you as a person. In the rare cases where such relationships work (in a dysfunctional way), often what happens is that as the younger person gets a few years older, he gets dumped for someone younger. Sad but often true.

    I know this isn't what some people want to hear, but it's important to put it out there.
     
    #8 Chip, Aug 23, 2014
  9. Candace

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    I mean, at this stage in your life, an age gap like that would seem really really awkward. I have a limit. I prefer older guys too, but only like 2-3 years older than me, tops. Otherwise I just feel that the age puts a strain on the relationship :/.

    On another note, if it works for you and he treats you well, then go for it. Who am I to judge?
     
    #9 Candace, Aug 23, 2014
  10. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    I think old guys are hot, but unless I really knew I could trust him I wouldn't want to date one. I kind of have to question their motives for dating me when they could get someone around their same age. That being said, I'd never want to date another person who wasn't mature. Most people around my age would be a bit out of the question because they haven't matured emotionally yet. Ideally I would get another person who's around my age, but more of an old soul.
     
    #10 Wuggums47, Aug 23, 2014
  11. RedMage

    RedMage
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    I don't mind the idea of dating older people but I'd limit the gap for myself to 10 years.
     
    #11 RedMage, Aug 23, 2014
  12. chrisyboy

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    20 years is totally inappropriate, it doesn't work. The younger you are the worse it is, and the less the age gap can be. I knew a guy who was 20, dating a 17yo not even out of high school, to be fair it didn't seem that strange (because it really wasn't, it never came to naughties if you get my meaning) and it didn't work because both were at different stages of their life's and has different plans.

    Take a 60yo dating a 40yo, reality is the 60yo is looking forward to retirement and the easy life, the 40yo is looking forward to reliving his youth and buying leathers and a Harley Davidson for his midlife crisis.

    40 year old dating a 20 year old. That's just a bit awkward really. 20 years; twice the life experience. Nope. Couples with one the older, you know which ones the bottom & which ones wears the pants. Lets be honest.

    Chips so right about a lot of men who never really mature.

    I wouldn't personally not date a significantly younger or significantly older guy for their age alone, but I feel it wouldn't work. I don't really like guys older than 23/24, even that's abit old for me. Somebody my own age thanks.
     
    #12 chrisyboy, Aug 23, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2014
  13. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I am totally unattracted to older people. Even a 29 year old sometimes feels too old for me. Usually prefer the 20-27 age range.
     
    #13 Fallingdown7, Aug 23, 2014
  14. Intoxicating

    Intoxicating Guest

    Tbh I'm totally cool with dating older people. Unless there 23 and above, in which case, I'd have to say no.
     
    #14 Intoxicating, Aug 23, 2014
  15. robotman

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    I kind of always used to see myself with an older guy because I always felt like I wanted someone to take care of me, look after me, also they would have more experience with things and stuff. Although lately I kind of want to meet someone around 20 (anywhere from lets say 18-25). If you asked me this question months ago though I probably wouldn't have minded going out with someone if they were in their 40's and I am 20 lol.
     
    #15 robotman, Aug 23, 2014
  16. OGS

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    I think it's all about stages of life. When you are twenty even someone who is 26 is probably on a different footing in life than you are. By contrast say if the two of you are 40 and 50 your lives might be very similar despite there actually being technically a wider gap. My partner is four years older than I but he actually is probably the more "youthful" of the two of us--and we were both relatively established in life before we got together.
     
    #16 OGS, Aug 23, 2014
  17. TurtleCat

    TurtleCat
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    As long as everything is legal I personally don't see a problem. Love is love. I actually first met and fell in love with my husband when I was 18 and he was 31.
     
    #17 TurtleCat, Aug 23, 2014
  18. MintberryCrunch

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    I know a 29 year old guy who's interested in me. He has been for like a year now too. I don't know what to think about it. I just plain do not find him attractive, but it's not because of his age. I probably wouldn't be opposed to dating someone 10 years older than me, but I'm not entirely sure.
     
    #18 MintberryCrunch, Aug 23, 2014
  19. AAASAS

    AAASAS
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    There is a point where the age difference just doesn't make sense for the long term. So it all depends on what kind of relationship you want. It really doesn't make sense to start a family with someone 20 + years because they will die well before you leaving you alone and old much earlier in life.
     
    #19 AAASAS, Aug 23, 2014
  20. Randomcloud

    Randomcloud
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    I personally wouldn't, I just don't think I'd have much in common with them. But I do have a friend who is 21 and her boyfriend is 40.. at first I thought it was weird but hey she's happy and describes herself as an "old soul" anyway ha. So I mean whatever floats your boat
     
    #20 Randomcloud, Aug 23, 2014
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