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I strongly dislike other gay people... how do I stop?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by edy, Aug 25, 2014.

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  1. edy

    edy
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    Especially cheerful/flamboyant kinda of gay (I have my issues with masculine gays as well)

    Internalized homophobia maybe? I don't know, I can't really trust them, when I open up about myself with friends and family and a flamboyant gay guy is around I just stop talking because they can be bitchy and gossip about me later :lol: I think we are very cynical and I feel threatened every time I see other gay guys, especially if they're effeminate, like I don't have anything special anymore or something

    A flamboyant guy (I was never sure if he was gay or not) used to be such a a-hole with me in high school, very tongue and cheek maybe that's the reason I dislike them.. like my cousin's brother in law ugh! I just can't stand him :eusa_naug
     
    #1 edy, Aug 25, 2014
  2. Ada M7

    Ada M7
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    Maybe you just don't like cheerful and flamboyant people? I don't. I am a storm cloud and prefer to keep on raining most of the time. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Ada M7, Aug 25, 2014
  3. Pret Allez

    Pret Allez
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    I'm sure I'm about to regret this expenditure of my psychic energies, but I'll bite on this one. In order to better understand, where you're coming from, could you please answer the following?

    Why?

    Why?

    Yes


    Why do you feel this way?


    Why? :lol:

    Who is "we"?

    Why?

    What do you mean by this?
     
    #3 Pret Allez, Aug 25, 2014
  4. resu

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    Sexuality is a state of being. It is neither good nor bad. Being flamboyant has nothing to do with gossip or bitchiness.
     
    #4 resu, Aug 25, 2014
  5. biAnnika

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    It's ok...we don't like you either. (*wink*)
     
    #5 biAnnika, Aug 25, 2014
  6. edy

    edy
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    I know I know, it's something that has to do with me

    I actually dislike masculine gays bitching about effeminate gays but I can't help this feeling, I can't trust them at all. But it's obviously internalized homophobia (both scenarios)
     
    #6 edy, Aug 25, 2014
  7. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    It sounds like internalized homophobia to me. You're just going to have to find a way to realize gay people are no different from anyone else. Maybe a therapist could help.
     
    #7 Wuggums47, Aug 25, 2014
  8. SimpleTim

    SimpleTim Guest

    Perhaps, it actually has nothing to do with the flamboyantness, or being feminine.

    For instance:
    Him being gay - no problems.
    Him being femminine - No problems.
    Him jumping on my lap and putting arm around me in public, and we hardly met - That's a no-no. I would like my personal boundaries respected please.

    Another guy I know:
    Him being gay - No problems with me.
    Him being a transsexual - doesn't bother me much.
    Him getting very drunk at family event, trying to out me, and then trashing my character - That wasn't called for

    Sometimes, it can seem tempting to become conditioned into generalizing all feminine gays. After a few experiences, it can be easy to become nervous of a repeat happening.

    I note to myself that there has been even more experiences with my personal boundaries being trampled on, and disrespect from straight people as well. I keep it into perspective that it isn't the gay, or feminine, it's just the person's awareness and state of mind at the time.
     
    #8 SimpleTim, Aug 25, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2014
  9. C06122014

    C06122014 Guest

    I wouldn't gossip about you haha! And I'm flamboyant and cheerful probably more so IRL than on here haha :lol::lol::lol: well maybe you just feel uncomfortable or insecure around these gay men, and or people who freely express their sexuality :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: but that's just a theory, you're probably a great guy!!! :grin: :grin: :grin:

    My friends consider the most trustworthy person they know haha :lol::lol::lol:
     
    #9 C06122014, Aug 25, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2014
  10. Candace

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    I don't *hate* flamboyant gays and stuff at all. That's wayyyy too harsh. I just don't prefer them. Kinda like SimpleTim stated, it's tempting to lump everyone into the same basket just because one or two of them were doing stuff that was questionable.

    I don't dislike you because you're flamboyant. I just dislike how you have no self control, too much frivolity, judge and ostracize others who aren't like you and up to your standards, and as a result, give us all a bad name.---me, based off of someone that I know that is like this >_>.
     
    #10 Candace, Aug 25, 2014
  11. NatWheeled

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    I'm not a big fan of gays who deliberately draw attention to the fact that they're gay, as if picking a fight with the non gay community. Like a "I'm gay, what r ya gonna do bout it?" Attitude. Unfortunately I've seen this attitude often among the few gays I do know from an online game I played and that has dampened my overall opinion of the gay community. Of course I've since realized not all gays are like that, I've met some nice gays myself included lol.
     
    #11 NatWheeled, Aug 25, 2014
  12. edy

    edy
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    And.... this is the kind of thought that I dislike from masculine gay guys :tantrum: maybe because I don't really fit in any of these categories

    ---------- Post added 25th Aug 2014 at 10:01 PM ----------

    You know? I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to think that all flamboyant guys have a hidden agenda, I don't want to think that all masculine gays are gender-nazis

    I know this thoughts are nothing but cognitive distortions
     
    #12 edy, Aug 25, 2014
  13. Sidran7e

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    I don't like anyone that isn't being genuine... that said most of the time we wear masks to protect ourselves. Take me, for example, I am happy and peaceful to the average passersby, but struggle to maintain calm and am far from happy. I think flamboyant gays potentially have more faith in who they are as people...they are not afraid to let others in...or they want us to believe they aren't.
    The trick is determining who is genuine
     
    #13 Sidran7e, Aug 25, 2014
  14. stocking

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    There are gay people like that ?:confused:


    Op I really don't know what's up with you from these threads you wrote I don't get why you would hate feminine gay guys and then you yourself think of yourself as a woman . I think you need to sit down and take some me time and find out what is troubling you .
     
    #14 stocking, Aug 25, 2014
  15. edy

    edy
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    No, I mean the title is over the top, I was exagerating

    I didn't really mean dislike and I didn't say HATE, I just thought of it today because I don't get along very well with my cousin's brother in law, maybe is envy/jealousy that he steals the attention and I generalized the whole situation

    Because he's cheerful, everybody speaks to him and really fits the stereotype of friendly gay guy, I assume people expect the same attitude from me or whatever
     
    #15 edy, Aug 25, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2014
  16. stocking

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    Maybe people who are ignorant about gay men and think their all feminine will but not everyone but I can see how it will annoy you .
     
    #16 stocking, Aug 26, 2014
  17. wardrobeescaper

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    Just be yourself at the end of the day. Who cares if you get attention or not. Would you rasther people laughed with you or at you? Personally I've found some fem gay guys to be qquite sweet, some a bit over dramatic but each to their own. If I like someone, I like someone, if I don't I don't. I try my best to be open and honest as far as I can without offending people.
     
    #17 wardrobeescaper, Aug 26, 2014
  18. RisingSun

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    This is the first time I hear being cheerful is a bad thing :confused:
     
    #18 RisingSun, Aug 26, 2014
  19. Damien

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    Where are all of these feminine gay guys? At the club I dance at once a week, most of the guys are kind of serious and masculine. The few that are effeminate, I'm too shy to either dance with or make eye contact with. But they are the ones I like. Gosh please feel free to ship all of these fem gays you know off to my city, we could use a few more here. I find them very sweet. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #19 Damien, Aug 26, 2014
  20. RandomTrall

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    I don't like the super flamboyant ones either. Mostly because they're so loud and never shut up. I just don't like loud people in general.
     
    #20 RandomTrall, Aug 26, 2014
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