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"Top or bottom?" - it just DOESN't exist, or does it?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by mrGhost, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. mrGhost

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    So, I've been wondering about it for a while. I'm a guy who really puts his partner's needs as a priority in a what-to-do list.

    Frankly, I like being the "bottom" gay guy. It feels good, actually, I guess it feels better than being the "top" one. But, if my partner would like being bottom as well, I'd just do him, because I care about him and his needs.

    Is it just me, or is there anyone else who thinks that nobody should label themselves as 100% top/bottom?

    I just find it a little weird when I see gay couples where both of them are "100% top" and they can't just switch. I you don't do this for yourself, just do this for your partner...?

    Cheers everyone.
     
  2. Mlpguy88

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    To each his own. If someone wants a label or not, that is up to them. I don't care much either way
     
  3. stocking

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    I'm not sure if I'm a 100% bottom or not I have yet to have sex with another woman but when I'm fantasizing I always think about another woman on top of me and dominating me . I have like give as well but I prefer her just being the top and taking charge when it comes to sex .
    Do i think no one should able themselves 100 %bottom or top , I think they should label themselves if they want to because I have met people that were exclusive tops , here online not in real life but there are also heterosexual women that only like cow girl position and to be on top so I would think of her as a top .
    For me if my girlfriend wanted to be bottomed I would bottom but I love being bottomed
    I guess the fact that I'm willing to comprise with topping makes me not sure if I'm 100% bottom but I feel like I am .
     
  4. mrGhost

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    I think that being a top doesn't have to mean being dominating.
     
  5. KayJay

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    I know for me being a top would be dysphoric soo I would never do it because of that. Perhaps it is selfish of me but ya.. I dunno.
     
  6. stocking

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    How so ?:confused:
     
  7. MrK21

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    No it isn't. As someone with trans-attractions I know it is a matter of the person.

    I switch. Anybody find it funny that I like pegging and don't like t-girls?
     
  8. gravechild

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    I think very few "total" tops and bottoms exist, but even so, everyone has the right to label themselves however they wish, and to do what they're comfortable with. It wouldn't hurt to experiment; if anything, I think everyone should, but again, not everyone is okay with doing so and would rather keep things the way they are.

    I do become annoyed at how much some people focus on roles in the bedroom, size, and number of partners. It's like, there's more to a relationship dude.

    Not really. There's a difference between sexual acts and who you're attracted to. Some guys are into blowjobs, some aren't. Some like black women more than white women. Not every trans woman is comfortable with penetrating partners, anyway. The people who think that tend to get all their ideas from porn...
     
  9. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I'm a "top", but I don't like switching, and I'm not willing to bottom for anyone. I can switch between being submissive and dominant....but being penetrated, no. I've tried it on my own, and HATED it. I don't think anyone should be forced to do a sexual act that makes them uncomfortable.
     
  10. OGS

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    I agree--at least among gay guys there are some wonderfully bossy bottoms out there.:lol:

    As far as the general questions of the thread I tend to agree with the OP. I guess I am pretty sexually free and sort of expect the same in a partner. For me sex is about freedom, trust and spontaneous intimacy and while I certainly do have some boundaries--play reasonably safe, no scat, no fisting, water sports kinda creep me out--when people start to rule out huge swaths of perfectly vanilla sex it kinda doesn't really feel like sex any more (for me any way). I especially find the whole "the things I wanna do to you--that I would never let you do to me..." to be sort of a thing that makes me go hmmm... not really in a good way.
     
  11. mrGhost

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    I'm not exactly sure how to describe this.

    You obviously didn't understand me. It's exactly what I mean - there's more to a relationship, so why do you have to label yourself? You can always try doing what makes your partner happy, don't you?

    THANK YOU, finally someone who understood my thoughts.
     
  12. Spider

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    Is the dominant-submissive dynamic even healthy in any relationship?
    If one lover leads and the other follows, is that really love?
     
  13. KayJay

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    To be honest I actually really enjoy being submissive. Not even specifically in the bedroom, just in my day to day life. If I could have a relationship with a dominant person I would be happy to follow. (again, not just in the bedroom!)

    I think that the common conception is that top=dominant and bottom=submissive but that isn't really true.
     
  14. Fallingdown7

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    Top and bottom have nothing to do with being dominant or submissive. Top means person who penetrates and bottom means person who gets penetrated. There are dominant bottoms; ones who take control, get in the cowboy/cowgirl position while controlling and giving their top orders. There are tops who are submissive, meek, and let their bottom do the work.

    Even if someone always tops or always bottoms doesn't mean they aren't equal outside of the bedroom.
     
  15. mrGhost

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    I think it's not exactly about love itself, you can love a person for being your guide, or for being able to guild someone. About dominant-submissive, I think it's healthy in bed. At least I wouldn't do this outside bed. I mean - I'm a little feminine in life, and I really expect my man to be "the man", but I expect us to be equal as well.
     
  16. Spider

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    Sorry, I didn't mean to distract readers from your question. I'll make my own thread on unhealthy submissive-dominant relationships.
     
  17. MintberryCrunch

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    Well, I don't really feel like defending my sexual preferences right now (sometimes it seems like that's all I ever do), but I'll just say that some people are not comfortable with certain sexual acts; I was pretty much uncomfortable with any type of anal sex until I realized that topping was alright. I'm not going to do something I don't enjoy and am not comfortable with "for my partner"; they would understand that I wouldn't want to do that and I would hopefully be with a partner who didn't require "switching roles" as part of sex.
     
  18. C P

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    One of the reasons I am glad, in a way, that I am not interested in sexual matters.

    This reminds me of a guy I had talked to elsewhere online a little ways back. He was talking to some guy for some time and they had a lot of common interests, had mutual attraction, were ~ the same age(they seemed to favor that a bit), really enjoyed talking to each other and even met up; Ya know, just seemed like a great match. Then of course that top/bottom question turned up after a while and both of them are apparently bottoms(for the most part; the other guy said it was really rare for him to be interested in topping). Not even an attempt to see if they could make things work, what with everything else going smoothly...they just drifted.

    It was like watching someone's dream play out well, through a mirror, and then a random rock comes along and absolutely shatters it to bits. All that other stuff just gone down the drain like that...
     
  19. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    i am a side

    they refer to sex as the horizontal tango but i am also on the side, sideways sex, double horizontal sex. sidesex.
     
  20. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I agree with you. It's nice to compromise and try new things if it makes your partner happy, but at the same time everyone has sexual boundaries and they NEED to be respected. If a guy doesn't like to top (or bottom), It's his business, just like some guys wouldn't be comfortable with their boyfriend asking them to have sex with a woman in a threesome, or engage in heavy BDSM. It's always best to learn what someone else's boundaries are, and trying to force a guy to top/bottom if he doesn't like it is legally considered rape or coercion.