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2 questions about their relationship....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by don29002, Aug 31, 2014.

  1. don29002

    Regular Member

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    I'm 18 now and single. My mom is turning 52 on 7 May 2015, and she's been in a relationship for 3 years with a married man.
    Her boyfriend--let's call him "Secret"--is currently separated from his wife (let's call his wife V).
    V called my mom one day and they had a chat. V told my mom "Hands off my husband" to which my mom replied, "I don't mess with married men."

    Secret works for my state of New Jersey's government as manager of a janitorial business, and because it's a government job, he makes about $13-$14 an hour.

    Secret and my mother started dating in April 2011. Secret still lives with his wife. I have told my mom "Why doesn't he just kick her [V] out the house?" and she blamed it on the economy.
    I strongly believe Secret will never leave V. He wants me and my mom to move out our apartment and buy a condo or a house for the 3 of us to live in.
    I don't want to move at all.

    Secret is also our cousin. I know one of his sisters because I first knew who she was when I saw her at my grandmother's funeral.

    S has said many rude things to me--which I have written about before. One time I was naked, and I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. S told me, "THAT'S mommy's", and he really pissed me off by saying that.

    He and my mom talk at least 3 times a day, which agitates me. My mom and I could be watching TV together, and all of a sudden the phone rings and S is on the phone. So he and my mom talk for 40 minutes per phone call.
    I'm jealous of their relationship. They're affectionate; one day I walked into my living room and found them cuddling.

    I'm jealous because I've always wanted to have a boyfriend who will be affectionate with me, protect and defend me, joke and all. My mom will even sometimes sing love songs to Secret over the phone and I, once again, get jealous.

    I want my mom to myself--where no one else can have her. It sounds selfish and one-sided, but I've been that way ever since my mom ended her abusive relationship with her ex, who put his hands on me.

    How can I stop being so jealous of their relationship?
    And do you guys think Secret and my mom may split or marry?
     
  2. Queer NOS

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    I haven't any clue as to whether or not things Secret will ever leave V or if things will last between Secret and your mother.

    On one hand, my father was once in a predicament where he and his wife were on rocky grounds--perhaps you could call it "separated"; I wasn't around then, so I can't say for certain--and he fell in love with another woman while he was working overseas. When my father came back to his home country, he brought his new lover with him; he and his wife split up (perhaps they had split up before my father came home--again, all I have is hearsay); he and his new girlfriend dated for several years and eventually got married, had a child ('Sup?), and would probably still together were it not for circumstances outside of their control.

    On the other hand, it is often said that "If [xir] leaves their partner for you, then what makes you think that [xir] won't leave you when somebody else comes along?"

    It really just depends on the situation.

    Have you tried talking to your mother about how you feel? For one, you deserve better than to be treated poorly. Hopefully, your mother will put her foot down in a way that makes Secret understand that you are part of "the deal" and that disrespecting you is similar to disrespecting her.

    Also, being jealous of someone you love is a fairly common feeling; this is particularly common when parents start dating other individuals (and wanting to protect your mother from situations that she has suffered through priory is not at all selfish).
    Perhaps you can work up an agreement where she spends X amount of time with you, with absolutely no interruptions from Secret?

    Whatever ultimately happens or doesn't happen, I hope that it all works out for the best for everybody involved in this situation.
     
  3. don29002

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    Very interesting response! I will try to talk to my mom about her time allocated to me and Secret.
    True, who knows whether he'll leave her or not.
    Sad situation about your dad.
    Interesting that jealousy's common.