Ok, so I'm using a few dating sites and apps. The thing is, as I'm browsing through all the profiles and pictures, I'm not feeling anything. Like, nobody is clicking with me or catching my interest. NOBODY. I just look at the profiles one by one and think "nope, she doesn't look like the one....nope. neither does she. nope...she looks like a total stranger." I'm somebody that has to know/meet/interact with someone for a bit before I can really develop an attraction. But I can't find/meet gay girls anywhere. I go to the village in my city with friends....but everybody is just doing their own thing. There's no mingling going on. Unless I'm going at the wrong times/events. Anyhow, I just end up not messaging people online, or feeling too demotivated and messaging once or twice then never again. I know. I'm an ass hat. I can come here and type and type and type....without caring if anyone replies. I feel content/comfortable on this site. Why not on a dating site?!? As soon as I sign on I begin to feel...almost depressed, if that makes any sense!?!?!?
Does the site has a chat? You can try chatting with people first, see if you click? Start talking about something in common, or something you liked from their profile? I've just joined one due to the same reasons as you said, local people seem to mind their own business and although I found interesting people on the site I'm too shy to break the ice, so I guess I'm kinda on the same boat as you. I always found more comfortable writing on a forum or a blog, at least in that case there's a topic that breaks the ice, but talking to someone out of the blue feels strange for me. The only two people that had shown any interest in me so far are a gay guy (we chatted a bit) and a bisexual female who is married on a open relationship and has children, we hadn't talked yet.
I am exactly like you. Do others interact with you on dating sites? You may (especially since you need to know someone in order to feel some attraction) think of others as "shallow", because you don't know anything about them. That's why you don't click with them. That could even make you depressed (like, "there are so many men and women but I can't get along with anyone"). Hope it helps!
I don't think you're abnormal at all. In fact, I'm quite the same. I make an online date profile, keep it up for a couple days, then realize it's just of no interest to me and I delete it. A couple months later when I get lonely, I decide to maybe try it again, with the same results. Online dating just isn't for everyone. Some people, like myself and like you, need to be able to meet someone in person... to feel the energy, the spark, the attraction... or lack thereof for that matter.
It's easy to become too picky because you know so much and are judging based upon what they have provided. In fact, extreme pickiness can reflect a person's own self-esteem issues and feelings of unworthiness. Also, be realistic on what you consider to be enough for a potential match, not ideal. Also, try to take the same attitude of messaging without caring. Besides, are you only flipping through based on their pictures? If so, how can you get to know them if you yourself prefer interactions to develop feelings?
WOW, this really resonated with me! It actually brings me back to some thoughts I used to have as a kid. I used to judge people in a weird way. I can't quite explain, but I used to just look at people faces, or expressions, or I don't know what...and categorize the person as someone of higher "depth" or "intelligence" or something... and people of lower depth. As a kid I would describe it to think of it in my head as "someone who understands more" or "someone who understands less". I used to do it automatically, from toddler-hood, but only in early/mid elementary did I actually consciously think of the way I was judging people. And yes, I had preferences based on these judgements. .... I wonder if I'm still doing the same thing, to a lesser degree? Or maybe to a greater degree. Man, I'm just weird. I was a weird kid and I'm even weirder now... :lol::lol: ---------- Post added 9th Sep 2014 at 09:02 PM ---------- No, I don't make judgements based on pictures alone. I always read through people's profiles. But it seems like everybody is just saying the same thing.... everybody is advertising themselves in the same way and it's repetitive. I'm not sensing a lot of individuality. It's like, certain personality types are a fad today. A very popular fad...
You might have a look at this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/149549-please-share-your-experience-internet-dating.html#18 I personally may go from feeling aloof to being an idealistic fluffy being... sometimes its not easy to find all desires fullfilled by one person... possibly having very deep conversations with some and a bit more light but also loving conversations with others...
I also judge people based on their personality. :lol: For me, it's about having friends with whom you can really laugh. So if the personalities don't click well, it's actually not really going to work out.. Meaning that I see them more as an 'acquaintance' than a true friend. It's not weird. In fact, I think it's quite rational. There's still that slight possibility of meeting someone you really like. So it's not just a waste of time. :icon_wink