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I am terrified of my sexuality. Help.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by schumanb, Sep 9, 2014.

  1. schumanb

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Just found this site and I thank each of you reading this for doing so. If you have advice, I'd love it.

    I am a bisexual female and have known this for quite some time, since I was a child. I have been in one relationship (if you'd even call it that) with a woman in secret due to our homophobic small town culture, and have been intimately involved with many since starting college. Nothing has changed. I am still bisexual and have accepted this myself. I have told some people, obviously those that I've hooked up with. My boyfriends have known. Some have accepted it holistically but most find it to be an accessory or something to get off to. These are the ones I leave.

    My current boyfriend doesn't quite get it. I can tell he thinks I am confused or something, or that I am just a "very sexual person"-- yes, he said this. Of course, I do not proclaim that about my gender. "Hi, I'm Bridget. Gay, straight, bi? No, I'm just a very sexual person." THAT ISN'T ME. I AM BISEXUAL. He was born with this idea in him.. his mother thinks bisexuals CHOOSE to be bi. She believes they aren't born with this sexuality unlike all of the other -exuals.

    I have no one to talk to about this and I am so frustrated. I often fancy the idea of being with one or the other, men or women, because no one gets it and it makes me so sad. Either lesbians think I'm a threat and can't be with me or men think I'll fuck a woman with/for them.

    My boyfriend loves me and wants to marry me, have kids, do whatever but I am afraid of his mentality and that I cannot change it. I don't want to marry OR have children. I never have. I try and make myself want it. I am afraid that I cannot change who I am. It is terrifying. I am afraid of being "out". My mom thinks it is a phase and my father is just as afraid of my sexuality as I am. I am not proud. I want to be.

    Should I stay in this relationship? How can I be proud of myself and my sexuality? How can I take my sexuality seriously when no one else does? How can I be less afraid?
     
  2. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Ask him, if someone can be straight and someone can be gay even though they themselves have the same gender, why is it so hard to understand that someone could be both? Also, try explaining to him the Kinsey scale. It's a scale for a reason.

    Tell him that there are some people who call them bisexuals because they're confused or social pressures, but that's no different than gay people claiming they're straight.

    Of course, your boyfriend can change. He wasn't born biphobic, and you can see that he's being heavily influenced by his mom without questioning her.

    You really need to find other LGBT friends, especially bi friends, as a support. Straight allies are also crucial, so try to come out to more people. Joining this forum is also very useful. You might consider going to a bi-friendly counselor, but it can be tough finding them. In the end, it may help to move if you're financially able to a bigger city where there's likely more supports (and potential partners who will be more open-minded).