I've got a few questions for members of the LGBT community about their youth (past or present). I realize that times have changed, in general, people are more accepting, but there are still many who view anything but heterosexuality in a negative way. I'm not trying to step on any toes, I really am curious. I grew up in a small country town where homosexuality was 'not okay', and after having moving to a larger city (Columbus, OH) for college I've been exposed to a much more welcoming and accepting community that still has cases of homophobia. I'm curious how teens are dealing with this. Do you pretend to be straight to avoid any conflict? How do you mentally prepare yourself for a day full of negativity? I guess I'm just curious how your life goes on a day to day basis and how you deal with being marked 'different'.
I wouldn't say I've ever really felt like I had to "act" straight. Growing up I just assumed I was. I was into girls and to me that meant that I'm straight. I told myself that liking guys was nothing more than a sign that I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit another guy is hot. These days, I'm still trying to work through some issues from earlier this year so I've kind of retreated back into the closet in some ways. I don't really experience much negativity on a daily basis, which makes me very fortunate.
I am much the same as Split Arrows.. It wasn't that I was hiding anything but growing up, I just assumed I was straight as I liked guys and anytime I thought a girl was pretty, I just assumed that was being I guess appreciative and admiring whilst not thinking anything more of it.. So to me I wasn't hiding anything as I believed I was being honest with myself as identifying as straight back then. Now I am still or was as of very recently in the discovering and journey phase and trying to discover who I was and what it was I really like.. I have now come to the conclusion I am very much bisexual in that I can see myself being romantic and sexually intimate with a man or a woman and that feels most comfortable for me to identify as now.. In time when I feel ready and don't feel pressured, I will let myself come out.. I am excited at the thought, not nervous or scared as I was used to be.. I just need to be ready to say those words out loud though to others.
I'm a teenager. I unfortunately don't go out much, as I graduated from high school already (and was homeschooled), and don't have a job, but when I do... It's hard when people call me "miss". It's worse when my mom publicly uses feminine words to refer to me. But lately, I've been trying to deal with it without it getting to me as much, trying to think of the future when I transition, then people will AT LEAST be confused as to what gender I am. I'd take that over being mistaken for a gender I am not.
I wouldn't exactly actively pretend that I was straight. Not many people would seriously question your sexuality right to your face. If they do, it's usually just a joke and I'll just play it off. Even though there was some homophobia in my school since it's an all-boys school, it's just the occasional "That's gayyy" which is pretty common anyway. It helps that my school was against homophobia. My friend got a detention by saying "Fag" even though he didn't mean it in a homophobic way xD So even when I'm not straight, I still enjoyed school heaps and pretty much looked forward to it every day once I got through waking up in the morning.
it isnt that i pretend to be straight, everyone assumes i am so i just nevrr mention otherwise. altho idk if i could if it ever does but.... well it wont i have sadbrains tho dont listen to me *turns into dust*
Most people assume I'm straight, though there are a few who think I'm a butch lesbian. Now that I'm growing my hair out again, I guess people view me differently, but overall people assume I'm straight. That said, I think my colleagues see me as "one of the guys" because three of them came to chat earlier this week, and they said us four should go out for a beer sometime :eusa_eh: Overall I don't really get any negativity. My parents and sister are very homophobic though so I'm careful with LGBT stuff around them. They know I'm on EC though. They don't like it but they let me be. Personally, I don't care if someone judges me negatively for my sexuality. As stated in my signature, "Never sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it". I stand by that statement, and choose to live my life accordingly. I know of only a handful of people who are homophobic, and some of them even unfriended me on Facebook and on instant messenger apps. But that's their problem. I did nothing wrong. And to be honest, those people can all go jump in a lake for all I care :dry:
I've never had to act straight. I already come across straight naturally! But I'm a total lesbian! This doesn't prevent me from sometimes hearing homophobic remarks (usually from my nan and pop) I am not out to them.. But whenever they see gay marriage being legalised on the news my nan get all prissy about it. I usually stick up for the gay community by telling her shes being ignorant and not everyone in the world is going to share her opinion on things. What I say back to her in my head is ''How can god hate gays when we're so cute!?"
This applies for me as well. I live in a liberal country and in quite a friendly neighbourhood. I never acted differently, this is who I am. However, almost everyone assumed I was straight.
No, I don't pretend to be straight. I don't get much negativity either. If someone's an asshole, I just respond sarcastically, and get on with my day.
Everyone just presumes I'm straight and as I don't correct them those presumptions continue on and on and on.
Do you pretend to be straight to avoid any conflict? I do, pretty often. Around my extended family, I do because they all think I'm straight and many of them (especially my grandparents) are very conservative, religious, and homophobic. At school, around my friends, I don't really pretend to be straight as much, since most of them know and are pretty accepting of me. And since there is a small part of me that is straight, I don't really have to pretend as much and I can relate to my straight female friends to some extent. I do have one friend that is uncomfortable with my sexuality, so I don't really show it as much around her. Other than my closest friends, most of the people at school think I'm straight. It does get pretty exhausting, since I'm kind of stuck in a heteronormative environment, but at the same time I'm in no rush to come out since I don't know what people will think and I don't think I'd enjoy the attention that comes with being out at school. Many of the students at my school are pretty accepting of the LGBT community (I go to a Catholic school, and surprisingly most of the students aren't really against the LGBT community; some people are actually out and open about their sexuality and most people don't have a problem with it), but being someone who suffers from anxiety, I still worry a lot about people's opinions. The only really homophobic things I hear from people at my school are from my religion teacher - this semester, I'm stuck with a teacher who has really conservative religious views. I do brace myself for when he says homophobic/anti-gay things but I don't really do much about it since I don't want to risk angering him and embarrassing myself. How do you mentally prepare yourself for a day full of negativity? My day really isn't full of negativity. Most of the people I've come out to have accepted me. I have parents and close friends who care about me and I'm pretty happy with it. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so obviously, things do get pretty hard sometimes, but I try to remind myself that I'm okay and that I have people in my life who accept me and care about me and those who don't shouldn't matter.
Kudos for taking the time to be interested in other people's experiences. I'm not a teen anymore, but when I was, I basically acted asexual. I have a natural tendency to honesty, but since I had religious, cultural, and social pressures to not be gay, I socially isolated myself to avoid situations where I would have to pretend to be straight (i.e. being interested in a girl, dances, etc.). I rarely hung out with school friends after school, and my social circle was my large, extended family that lived nearby. Since they were Indian and Catholic, dating was off the table unless you were in college. I appeared very pious and religious, to the point that I think many people thought I would be a priest (and some suggested it). I was the goody-two-shoes nerd who got good grades and never made any trouble. That said, I could never stop being artistic or in band/orchestra, and I was friends with a lot of misfits, even some who later came out as LGBT. In that sense, like someone once said here, we often choose to be friends with those who accept ups for who we are.