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Advice on dating married men?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BloodFlame, Sep 15, 2014.

  1. BloodFlame

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    I'm sure people know who I am by my posts relating to fem gay problems. Well.. I've still been facing a hard time finding a potential guy to date or see due to my less than masculine personality. I really do l ike the way I am. I'm not mean or bitchy or loud, i'm quite the opposite but it's still not enough for gay men unless they are 30-40 years older than me and I'd really want to date someone around my age...

    Lately, I've noticed that only kind of men who want to see me are already in a relationship and at first, I never would have considered seeing a married man but as I approach 23 and haven't had ANY luck at all finding a guy in the 7 years I've been out, I feel I need to take what I can get. Hopefully, the guy will like me enough and will come around to me.. I hope...

    I just need advice. Have you ever dated a married or attached man? How did it go? Did it go deeper? Thank you for your answers...
     
  2. chrisyboy

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    That's such a stupid idea
     
  3. BloodFlame

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    At this point, I don't care anymore... I'm tired of having such bad luck and being alone. If a guy who happens to be married finds interest in me, what's the harm in giving it a try? I'm not having any luck anyways.
     
  4. Hexagon

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    You know what... it's on their conscience, not yours, if they decide to cheat. Be happy.
     
  5. ahardlife

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    I was stupid enough to do the same some years ago all I was was his f##k toy ended with me kicking him where it hurts its a bad idea bloodflame sorry if thts something you dont want to hear ,
     
  6. greatwhale

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    Hey BloodFlame,

    I really feel for you and your frustration with finding someone, but it is usually when we are bordering on desperate that we make our biggest mistakes...

    You may indeed find someone who is in a committed relationship, such as marriage. Moral judgments aside, were I to engage in such behaviour, I would be afraid to form any sort of attachment because people seldom leave marriages for an affair.

    Marriage has a way of keeping people in it. It is not shackles and chains, but it is close to that, simply because divorce demands a lot of someone, and most are not willing to lose so much for the sake of a possible relationship with someone other than their spouse.

    So yes, you may be clean from a moral standpoint, but it is a losing proposition in every other respect...including your own self-respect.
     
  7. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    you sound sad :frowning2:

    therefore my advice is do not
     
  8. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Please don't. You'll only end up hurting yourself if you want anything serious, which it seems your looking for.

    I for one love (and I mean LOVE) feminine guys!
    There are others who think the same, don't loose hope.
     
  9. stocking

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    Don't date them you'll always be put on the back burner ,and he will not leave his spouse for you . Find someone you can call your own .
    I have not been out as long as you but I don't want to be anyone's side peace I deserve better .
     
  10. Chip

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    Hi,

    I can imagine how it must feel to be repeatedly rejected, regardless of the reason. It can take a huge hit to your self-esteem, and make you feel that you're unworthy of love and belonging.

    I think the important thing here is to recognize that you really are worthy of someone who can love you fully and completely. Settling for someone who is himself living out of integrity and contributing to the deception of an innocent person (his wife) is not something that's going to help your own sense of worthiness and integrity.

    Perssonally, I'd suggest that doing some self-work and focusing on getting to a place of truly loving and believing in yourself would be a much better way of improving your life than settling for a relationship where you're sneaking around behind someone else's back and playing a distant second place to someone's intentions.
     
  11. Randomcloud

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    I wouldn't- these situations never end well, someone is bound to get hurt and it could likely be you. 23 is still really young, don't lose hope
     
  12. 101DeadRoses

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    My advice: don't. Keep looking, you'll find someone. There are always dating sites, and I know that if I were a gay man, I'd go for someone like you.. well, with the exception of you being the opposite of loud.. I like volume.
    But dating someone who's married seems like so much more trouble than it's worth, and can possibly getyou killed if the spouse is particularly vengeful.
     
  13. gravechild

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    Yeah, it's not fair to the married woman at all, plus who is to say he'll choose you in the end?

    Relationships don't always solve self-esteem issues; if anything, they make things a lot more complicated and stressful.
     
  14. BloodFlame

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    I hear what you all are saying but at this rate, I just feel my love life is hopeless. i can keep telling myself that one day, I'll find the right guy but as each year passes by and each rejection I get fomr single men, I feel I'm running out of options.

    I mean, if no one wants me while I'm young, who will want me when I'm old... I just feel that with a married man, if I can show him my true self, he'll come around. I would feel guilty about the wife but maybe the guy was gay all along? I'd pray for that anyway...

    I'm just tired of feeling so worthless...
     
  15. Blossom85

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    I think married people are the untouchables.. I would never go for a married person, for a couple of reasons..

    1: I don't want that person wether it be a man or woman to have to cheat on their wife or husband and have that guilt and remorse on their conscious. Remember you are also apart of it, by cheating with that person. I know myself I would feel so guilty and bad about myself knowing I was potentially ruining a marriage and breaking up a family. I couldn't deal with that, I wouldn't be able to enjoy being with a married man or woman when I was always worried about their other half finding out, plus I know my family would be very disappointed and not understand and their opinion matters a lot to me.

    2: I could never deal with being the other woman, knowing that every night, he or she is going to bed with their spouse and I am going to bed all alone. I know I would want more, I would want a full committed relationship, not just sex and a married person can not give you that.. Unless they wanted to leave their spouse and that then brings up other issues like what I mentioned, like breaking up a marriage or a family.

    I can understand you wanting to just be with anyone who showed interest in you, but do you really want to be responsible or at least partially responsible for potential heartache and hurting people.. You aren't the only one who's feelings need to be considered. The married man, his wife and if they had children, you need to consider everyone's feelings for the sake of making yourself feel good for a little while, but will that last? Will you continue to feel good getting interest from the wrong people knowing at the same time, you are asking him to be unfaithful to his wife. If you were married, how would you feel if you found out your husband was having an affair and cheating on you with another man or a woman? You would feel betrayed and hurt beyond anything you could ever imagine.. I always ask people to put themselves in the other persons shoes and think of how you would feel to be on the other side, then rethink what your wanting to do.
     
  16. June Cleaver

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    When I was your age I was kept by a married man and I knew he never would leave her and the kids for me,but I never wanted or expected him too.he was mine only when he was with me, when you're the other woman you cannot be his number one! If you can handle that than go for it, also for me married men seem to see me as a sex toy, taboo, exiting change from her. I hate being the other woman! June
     
  17. tulipinacup

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    Hello there Bloodflame. I do recognise the thread you've posted before and I understand completely where you are coming from but the things is. If you want an advice on dating a married man? My answer would be is that you don't. I think I would agree on some of what the people here said, There are consequences that would arise and that's where we are concerned about.

    I get it, no one seem to look after you and you are willing to settle for less but you honestly deserve someone better. My only advice for you is to focus on OTHER things, learn a language, volunteer, travel, find a support group, etc. The right people will come around when you least expect it but at the end of the day it's still your decision and I hope you get the right happiness.
     
  18. BloodFlame

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    I've been focusing on my hobbies for the past several years. I'm starting to find that my hobbies are becoming stale because I'm always alone...
     
  19. tulipinacup

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    You think you can share your hobbies with someone you know or someone who has the same hobby as you? I think trying out new things are ways you can also distract yourself from being lonely.
     
  20. White Knight

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    If you are after sex, go for it.

    If you are after emotional attachment and relationship, think again.

    I've been in a relationship with a married man before but with following conditions:
    - I knew from the start he was married and he loved his wife. So there were no illusion or option of his leaving his wife to be with me. He always said he loved two people in his life, me and his wife.
    - We were in confined space so our being together was kinda mandatory.
    - We both knew our romantic relationship would end with end of that condition mentioned above.
    - It started as sexual relationship but turned more than that
    - When we had to part our ways, it was hell. I think I cried for days, without any way to console.

    I know in your current situation that seems like your only option but it is not. Finding someone like me and loosing him, knowing you will never be with him but he is out there moving with his life... you get over it eventually but no need to inflict that kind of torture upon yourself willingly.

    The one for you will come, just believe it. I know a boy I met who were waiting for the one for 26 years, saving himself for the right man. Then he found him when he least expected. Last I heard from him he was walking on the clouds. :grin:

    I think everyone of us has that "one" waiting to enter our lives at some point. Don't worry you will feel it on all your being he is the one. My advice would not waste that opportunity. I did and still regreting not trying hard enough and let him slip away.