If you could say anything...

Ma..

How you treated me when I was a kid, destroyed my confidence... My teen life was non existent.. I lack trust in others.. I'm paranoid.. I lack happiness.. All because of you. But I still love you.

Even when you told me you won't be ok "if" I'm gay, I still love you. I just won't tell you :lol:... So you won't ever have to know who I really am.

 

"tell me what to fucking do", to the universe, which would laugh at me again

 

This really took a lot of weight of my shoulders or something. Thank you for this thread (*hug*)

Mommy and Daddy,

There's something I've been meaning to tell the both of you but I wasn't actually sure how to word or say it. To be honest I've been really scared about how y'all will react to me when I tell you this secret. I'm Bisexual. You both have always shown me unconditional love and I hope it doesn't stop now. Now, I know what you guys are going to say "It's phase. You'll get over it. You're going through puberty you're hormones are messed up"

No it's not a phase I've known for a while that I'm attracted to more then one gender, and it's been something I've tried to ignore, but I'm tired of doing that. I'm tired of ignoring who I am for the benefit of others. No, I won't get over. I've tried to "get over it" for years now and that hasn't done anything. I am who I am and there's nothing that can change that. No my hormones aren't messed up.
If there was one thing puberty has messed up, it's my face. Frucking pimples man.

Mom, Dad, I want you both to understand that I am the same person...It's just that I like more then one gender. No, you haven't failed as a parent. No, you haven't failed as a parent.No, you haven't failed as a parent. My sexuality has nothing to do with the person you both have raised me to be.

I love you guys. I love you guys so much. And you don't know the amount of pain it would cause me to have you guys treat me differently, or see me as a different person. Again, I love you both I just hope you feel the same way after hearing this.

 

Mom,

Thank you for being the best mother a daughter could have. You are supportive and understanding, and I couldn't be more grateful. There is one thing you should know, though. You always said that you would be happy for me for whoever I end up with, as long as 'he' treated me right. Well, I hope it doesn't change a thing if 'he' happened to be replaced with 'she'. I'm not sure if I'll end up with a man or a woman, but I hope it doesn't matter to you, because it doesn't matter to me. Thanks for hearing me out. I hope you're still proud of me.




Dad,

You've caused a lot of heartache in my life. Whether you realize it or not, it needed to be said. You were my hero as a little girl. Those moments when I looked up to you seem almost made up now, not because of how you turned your back on us, but because you don't seem sorry for what you've done. I know I shouldn't have to hear an apology in order to forgive you, but it would be nice to hear one nonetheless. A real one. I don't hate you, it's just easier to appear cold and mean in your presence. I do love you, it's just hard to say and show nowadays. I hope you know the reason why I am the way I am, why I'm always guarded and hesitant to allow anyone in my life, is because of you. It's not okay, but I'm all right.

 

To the neighbors:

Clean you fucking apartment because I'm sick of the damn roaches!!! Yea I leave my dirty laundry in the corner but I NEVER leave food out. My apartment have been sprayed every week for the last month and the bastards won't die and go away if you keep feeding them. Why can't you just keep your house clean?

---------- Post added 17th Sep 2014 at 10:08 PM ----------

To the neighbors:

Clean you fucking apartment because I'm sick of the damn roaches!!! Yea I leave my dirty laundry in the corner but I NEVER leave food out. My apartment have been sprayed every week for the last month and the bastards won't die and go away if you keep feeding them. Why can't you just keep your house clean?

 

I *can* say anything...to absolutely anyone. The question is whether the messages will be received. For instance, I can tell Einstein I really admire him...but I'm afraid he may not understand me. Or I could tell one of my best friends from high school, who seems to have dried up and disappeared since I came out to him (and who has some inconvenient religious values) that I still value the friendship we had, that I'm still the same person he knew, and that I'd like for us to be able to stay in touch...but I'm afraid that until he can reach out to me himself that he may not be able to really receive this message and take it in.

---------- Post added 17th Sep 2014 at 11:18 PM ----------

And I love this.

 

Mom -

I know you think you did nothing wrong, and you deny it to this day. You were abusive both physically and mentally. It doesn't matter how you feel about it, it matters how I feel; back then and today. You took my childhood and hampered my young adulthood. You stole from me, both literally and figuratively.

I wont be pressured and manipulated anymore. People talk about forgiving and forgetting. Well, I wont forget and I wont forgive you either. Time after time I stood up for you, others told me to let you go, remove you from my life. I never did, you're my mother.

I wont be your tool anymore. If you want to be in my life now, that's fine. You can pretend I never told you this. As I'm sure you will. We can make believe and continue on. I just want you to know that this is how I feel. It wont change and it is your fault.

P.S. I'm gay. That one isn't on you.

P.S.S. I love you.

 

Mother, Father -

Spoiler

I'm sorry. I love you. I don't mean to hurt you. I know I'm a shitty child. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm trying. I'm trying hard. But it's so difficult. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I'm sorry for feeling this way. I'm sorry.

I love you.

thanks for making this thread by the way - i take these like candy :lol:

 

H,
I'm scared as fuck.
E

 

Ma,

I feel so ashamed that I can't open up to you about anything about me. I really want to but I'm just never sure if I could trust you because one of my concerns is your tendency to unnecessarily share things about me to your friends, for the sake of keeping the conversation going with them. Yea, I noticed. I guess you have to prove yourself so I can trust you. But you must know that I love you so much even though I don't show any sign of affection or appreciation towards you. This one is on me. I'm just so hesitant to show my any feelings around you because once I show you a side of me, I'll crumble. I still remember that time last year where I was crying in front of you about something as you caught me off guard with your words and I could have opened up to you then about my suicidal thoughts but again, I was hesitant. Sadly, I still am today. I'm sorry. I can't seem to open up as long as I'm insecure with walls to protect myself from getting hurt.

I love you and I hope that when I come out to you in the future, you will still accept me as I am. At that point, I'm also hoping that we can possibly start anew with our relationship. (*hug*)

P.S I don't mean to be a pest to you, pa, and to my siblings every now and then. I'm still a child at heart. I'm not perfect either but I want to improve myself just for you.

-John

 

Dad... It's not a phase, I know it's not a phase. I felt quite hurt when you even suggested it and that stressed me out and caused me to spend the next 6 weeks fretting over it and avoiding you. You made me doubt myself, but despite that, I want you to know the truth of how I felt. I am who I am and that's who I am. Okay?

 

I'm sorry I am not what you thought I was.
I'm sorry if you felt like I hid something or deceived.
I'm sorry I wasn't a better person because I know I could have been.
I'm sorry I'm so weak.
I'm sorry I'm not brave enough to be who I want to be.
I'm sorry I'm still afraid of being who I am.
I'm sorry.

 

Dear Mother,​

I know you and I have never gotten along, we just sort of tolerate one another. This has gotten better, much better, in the past few years, when you stopped using the heavy drugs.

Growing up, you were always lying to ,and stealing from [SISTER's name] and I, and then having the audacity to think we were too ignorant, not to know where our stuff was going. Most children would react like [SISTER's name], too afraid to say anything, and too petrified to do anything, but not me. Oh no, you stirred within me something that, strangely, is my largest flaw but my greatest strength -- you taught me to fend for myself. You showed me, when you hustled for finances to get your fix, how to work the system, how to always have money, and how to always do whatever it took. You made me mature, at too far young an age. You made me become resourceful, at too far young an age. You taught me to make sure, at the end of the day, I am still standing. Your selfish need to indulge in heavy drugs, showed me, that the only way to make it in this world, was to care about only yourself -- everybody else, was simply there, to exploit and use.

Because of you, I never felt loved. But in exchange, I sought out knowledge. Because of you, I never had support. But in exchange, I became independent. Because of you, I never had security. But in exchange, I became capable of protecting myself. Because of you, I never had stability. But in exchange, I learned to use chaos, to always come out on top, to make sure I was still standing. Your mistakes were observed, noted, and processed, for all those years. What worked, I remembered, and what did not, I discarded. I learned, very quickly, that most kids my age were too dumb, too stupid, for lack of better descriptions, in comparison to where I was. It was no wonder, like you did with me, I saw them as accessories to make use of. Why not? I was ahead of the curve.

Your weakness made me sick. Every time you'd get arrested, or sent to a rehabilitation facility, you would cry and blame everyone else. You'd say the drugs made you like this, that everyone else made you like this. I watched, in silence, because I had no attachment to you -- you may have birthed me, but you were no mother of mine. But you were still useful to me... how strange, that you once used me, and now, here I was, using you... when I would get in trouble, I would blame others. Being so young, people lapped this up:

"Awww, poor [My Birth Name], their parents divorced, that's why they aren't doing well in school."

"Awww, poor [My Birth Name], they don't have any friends, that's why they aren't being nice."

"Awww, poor [My Birth Name], they don't have a stable parental figure, that's why they aren't being ___."

Thanks mom, for equipping me with an endless list of justifications, for why I did what I did. But more importantly, thank you for providing me the means, to always bypass the system and rarely, if at all, be held accountable. I took advantage of each and every loophole, every single technicality, every little opening or opportunity, and I milked it for what it was worth. I was admired, envied... feared... for a period of time, I was replacing respect, appreciation, and love, with these things. They felt close enough, and that was all that mattered.

Despite you rarely being sober, or even home, during my earliest years, I was able to take away some things from you. But because of that, I never developed any real sentiment towards you, because you were just another person in my life, and not my mother. However, you did impress me years later. Finally, after so many imprisonments and rehab visits, you started to show improvement. You claim you found God, and that is what cleaned you up. At first, I was skeptical, because so many do the 'I found God' excuse, but it has been nearly 6 years, and you are still clean. I think, this is when I first started to actually respect you, for becoming strong, for finally being able to own up to your past.

Our relationship is a mess, let us admit that, mother. I doubt it will ever be capable, of being where it should be, in a 'normal' mother-child sense. I had learned to make due without you, or in spite of you. At best, we are room mates, who can tolerate one another. Sometimes, we can crack a joke or two, and we've made progress in opening up, but it will never be where it should have been.

I do not hate you anymore. But your irresponsibility, really fucked me over, and did not help me during my developmental years. I have since forgiven you, and you know this, we had 'that talk'. But I am thankful, because you pushed me to become more self-reliant, more self-capable, and more self-aware. You are the reason that, regardless of any negativity in my life, then or now, that I always strive to obtain something from it. I refuse to just sit there and fucking wallow in misery.

Thank you, for making me a soldier, even if it was the cost of your child.

Love,

[My Birth Name]​

 

To my brother.

You really annoy me and at times i just want to punch you in the face, and several times i have screamed at you several mean things such as "Piss off", "I hate you" and many other things and we also share virtually no interests at all. Also i can find you quite boring at times and you can act like my parent which really annoys me.

But despite all this, several times you have been there for me in times i needed it, and also you keep many things secret so i thank you.
~Yosia

 

Dear parents,

I'm transgender. I am a boy trapped in a girl's body. No matter how much you deny it, try and convince yourself it's not true, this is who I am. Regardless of wether you understand me or not, or wether you think it's just a phase, I will not stop being the gender I am.

 

Mum

We've been through so much together and you've stuck by me through everything.. I sometimes wonder what it is about me that makes you forgive me for some of the things I use to do.. Then I realize that I am your daughter and a mothers love reaches past boundaries one couldn't imagine. You are the only person in the world who I care about beyond any words.. I may not be the perfect daughter but I will always be by your side. Ever since I was little I always wanted to make you proud.. I did for a long time but i'm afraid you didn't want me to be this way. You are still proud of me and I respect you so much for that.. But I know that the truth about my sexuality is something you can't understand. I know you still love me and I still love you too. There is not a single thing that separates the two of us in a crowd of a million.. Our bond is just that strong. Even when I was at my worst you stuck by me.. I even questioned why.. But I didn't need an answer. I remember the time you told me that when you held me in your arms for the first time.. I looked right at you as if to challenge you.. and I have. Mum when I see you smile it makes my heart light up.. and I am so sorry.. I didn't turn out the way you may have hoped.

You say you still love me and I don't doubt that you do. I'm just sorry I couldn't be the perfect daughter. Maybe one day I will find a man who suddenly sweeps me off my feet.. but the way I feel towards women is far too strong to envision that ever happening. I love you so much mum.. and I will never leave your side.. please forgive me.