Why are only we told to 'experiment' first?

Honestly, I think it's just another somewhat insidious form of homophobia, even if it is at times coming from a well-meaning place. It's basically asking "Are you SURE you can't be straight?" or "Have you tried NOT being a mutant?"

 

No one has ever said that to me. When, I came out everyone just accepted it.

Perhaps I'm a lucky one.

Happy days

 

I totally agree with what you're saying. I just dont really have anything to add.

 

Couldn't have put it any better.

 

I think people should say that when they express they are unsure about it. If someone labels as gay that means they really thought about it and are certain that they like, only, people of the same gender. So yeah, unless they state they are unsure, people shouldn't suggest them to experiment.

 

I think it's inconsiderate, but not homophobic. Most people are straight, which is why it's assumed someone will be straight if they haven't been in a relationship. And I understand why it'd be very bad to come out as gay only to realize you're not. However, if it doesn't seem very rushed, and they worked up the confidence to tell you, they're probably pretty frickin' sure.
When I came out to my mom, she basically said that I should try things out, and that I'm too young. She also mentioned that "teenagers should just say they're sexual" which I interpret as meaning I'm just horny.

 

I think those people just want the benefit of a doubt, and if you do experiment, they'll have another argument to use against you: well, since you had sex with someone of the opposite sex, and especially if you enjoyed it, there's still the possibility that you're not gay!

Obviously, it works different for gay men and women. A gay man who has sex with a woman is still assumed to be gay, but a gay woman who has sex with a man is thought to be bisexual, straight, experimenting, etc. It also seems lesbians and bisexual women have a harder time being accepted by other queer women, whereas queer men (like everyone else) seem far too eager to judge another man as being gay.

One thing I've noticed: if you're doubtful, fearful, or stressed, that's going to affect how others react to your coming out. If you're firm and confident, they'll have less to work with against you, and will probably accept it sooner and easier. At least, that's been my experience with friends and family.

 

I think it's stupid.
Why don't people say that to straight people?
Ya know what? I think that if someone asks how I know I'm a lesbian, I'll ask them how they know they aren't gay. See what they say.

 

They don't say it to straight people because being straight is "normal"--simple as that. Straight people don't need to "experiment" because there's nothing wrong; they are just the default sexuality that everyone should be. Before you come to the conclusion that you're deviant and gay, just try to make absolutely sure you're not straight first!

 

I agree. That was my dad's response when I came out to him, and when I got really upset, he didn't understand why. Like another poster said, it isn't homophobic, but its pretty inconsiderate and ignorant.

 

your over thinking this! in ny generation I was told it was time for a boy to date and experiment! only i'm not a male! My parents knew I was to be female, so pushed me to experiment with girls.they did not mean gay experiment! I do know what you are really saying, keep in mind different generations use words differently. my mother's "gay" meant happy, now it means homosexual! my advise is do what feels right to you and forget fitting into the label box! June

 

This, exactly.

Luckily it hasn't happened to me yet, but if it ever does I'll just tell the person that I'm willing to experiment with women if they're willing to experiment with guys (if they're male) or girls (if they're female).

 

It is very much double standards as to why people who come out as gay are told to experiment and straight people aren't told that, but I do think it is because the person saying that doesn't understand what it is like to be gay.. I know it's not always a good enough reason and I do think the same should apply to straight people as well.. It is sad that in this day and age, a straight person isn't thought of as needing to even come out whereas anyone in the LGBT community feels like they need to or they want to so they aren't hiding who they are or giving false pretense as to who they are to others.

 

Yeah that annoys me too,even some gays and lesbians tell others to experiment.

---------- Post added 20th Sep 2014 at 12:54 PM ----------

This