How & When You knew - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

ArcaneVerse · 21st Sep 2008, 02:14 AM

OK so there's the thread about who you first came out to but...
How did you first come to realize your sexual orientation?
&
When was that\how old you were at the time? and all that sort of thing.

And i apologize if this has been done or if i offend anyone.

byeee · 21st Sep 2008, 03:24 AM

I think there's a thread on this too, but buried in the bowels of the forums.

When I first got the idea that I might be gay? Around 6-7th form, so 13

. It took a couple years to get used to the idea, and then a few more until I started my mass coming out :>.

Amy · 21st Sep 2008, 03:46 AM

i was 13 years. it was early april of 2007. i only remember that because of why i thought it, and all the pain/drama that happened the next week. and the week after. and the week after that...

i couldnt really narrow down why exactly. im the kind of person where it sometimes takes a while for 1 and 1 to make 2. i spent nearly my entire life knowing that i liked boys and girls, but i never thought that i was bisexual. then it just clicked. i felt pretty, God damned stupid after that.

**Maddy** · 21st Sep 2008, 04:44 AM

When I was really young, 7 or 8 or so, I thought that I could be with a woman in the long-term, but I didn't connect that with the idea of being gay. I was attracted to a girl for the first time when I was about 13, and it took a couple of years after that to really realise and accept that I was interested in girls. At first I thought I was bisexual, but I realised over time that I'm pretty much only interested in girls. (It's about a 95%-5% split.)

Noah · 21st Sep 2008, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amyleona

im the kind of person where it sometimes takes a while for 1 and 1 to make 2. i spent nearly my entire life knowing that i liked boys and girls, but i never thought that i was bisexual. then it just clicked. i felt pretty, God damned stupid after that.

I spent my life knowing that I liked boys, but It never clicked until I was 17. Probably because I didn't see any of the stereotypes in myself. I saw a movie on tv, and there was an awesome boy in it. I was looking at him the entire time. When I went online there were all these guys talking about how beautiful the female lead was.

That's when I began to do some research. It was confirmed for me when a friend said, "so huge boobs and a nice p---y don't turn you on?" and I was like "Ewwww!"

Don't think you're not gay/bi because of stereotypes. Most people are normal.

riddlerno1 · 21st Sep 2008, 07:14 AM

I suppose ive always known since i was bout 7 or so but i didnt name it till i was about 12. then spent the next 13 years trying to be straight. how i knew- i guess it was at school when everyone would be looking at the girls and thinking wow, shes fit and i would be secretly thinking well 'HE'S cute' and not feeling that spark when i saw an attractive girl.

pirateninja · 21st Sep 2008, 07:40 AM

Always known, always tried to deny it. Seriously, when I was really young, I used to imagine marrying my best friend (who was female) and I always imagined myself as the groom

I finally came to terms with it when I stopped denying it, which was 3 and a half years ago, when I was 14.

Derek the Wolf · 21st Sep 2008, 08:10 AM

When I was 16. I think it's harder to figure out when you're bi, just because you have the justification "hey, I like the opposite sex. all's good here." So yeah, I dragged my feet with it.

ScentedRegrets · 21st Sep 2008, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noah

Quote:

Originally Posted by amyleona

im the kind of person where it sometimes takes a while for 1 and 1 to make 2. i spent nearly my entire life knowing that i liked boys and girls, but i never thought that i was bisexual. then it just clicked. i felt pretty, God damned stupid after that.

I spent my life knowing that I liked boys, but It never clicked until I was 17. Probably because I didn't see any of the stereotypes in myself. I saw a movie on tv, and there was an awesome boy in it. I was looking at him the entire time. When I went online there were all these guys talking about how beautiful the female lead was.

That's when I began to do some research. It was confirmed for me when a friend said, "so huge boobs and a nice p---y don't turn you on?" and I was like "Ewwww!"

Don't think you're not gay/bi because of stereotypes. Most people are normal.

I would answer this quesiton, but Noah and I seem to have had the same EXACT experience

BTW, what movie were you referencing? Mine was Walking Across Egypt with my boy Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

**Lexington** · 21st Sep 2008, 09:00 AM

Please note - this story is apparently VERY atypical.

First off, know that I am very non-visually attuned. I can see just fine, but for some reason, I don't process as much information visually as most people seem to. Because of this, it's EXTREMELY rare for somebody to "catch my eye". I don't see someone across the room that makes my heart beat faster, or causes me to go back and look again. It just doesn't happen. If I want to ogle someone, I have to make the conscious decision to look. I have to mentally say, "I am going to look at this person in a sexual manner." I know - it's weird, but that's the way I'm built.

Anyway, I was 19 or 20, in college, and wondering why the hell I hadn't fallen for some girl yet. I had dated a couple, but really, they were just friends. I never went so far as to hold hands - I just liked hanging out with them, and never really considered them "girlfriends". But all my friends were dating like crazy, and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't ever compelled to do so.

So, one day, I just had the thought. "Maybe I'm gay." I wasn't scared of the thought, but I was pretty dismissive. I mean, I'm 20. If I was gay, I think I would've had some sort of inkling of it. But I decided I may as well give it a try. I went outside my dorm, sat at one of the benches out front, and waited for a semi-attractive guy to come by so I could ogle him.

Luckily, I didn't have long to wait. Within a minute or so, a guy jogged by wearing nothing but those black short jogging shorts. I sort of gave him the once over surreptitiously, and then, once he ran by, I stared at his ass with a bit more vigor.

...and I sprung MAJOR wood. I'm surprised my jeans didn't rip open. I don't think I actually yelled, "Holy shit, I'm GAY", but I may as well have.

It took me a little time to get used to the fact. I started fantasizing about guys exclusively, and my sex drive went through the roof. I waited until I was pretty sure this "phase" wasn't going away before coming out...which, sadly, was right AFTER I graduated. Thus depriving myself of the best chance to "play around". Ah well. It all turned out great.

Lex

**EM68** · 21st Sep 2008, 09:08 AM

For a long time I was attracted to men but did not think I was gay. I thought maybe I was bi and if I "found the right woman" I could fall in love with them. Up to a few years ago I tried dating woman but I felt nothing no attraction to them. When I would go out with my friends they would all look at attractive woman and gauck at them. I would think to myself that their dates and the guys they were with are quite hot. After a lot of self contemplation and struggles I finally came to the conclusion that I'm gay. For a while I was fighting it and had a bunch of self hate. Now I came to terms and I feel a lot better about myself.

21st Sep 2008, 09:23 AM

I started feeling an attraction to other guys when I was around the age of 13 or so. I denied it at the time and thought I was just going through a phase. Well, here it is ten years later and that phase certainly hasn't died.

I always did find women physically attractive, just not sexually. It never really clicked that I was gay until I was 21 after going to a gay marriage debate at uni. I carried that secret burden for a good 8 years before acknowledging and accepting it.

I can't really answer the "how I knew" since that's the way things kinda always were.

Wander · 21st Sep 2008, 09:31 AM

I've known I liked men since I was about eight years old when I saw a magazine ad of a bride and groom, and though the guy was much more attractive than the girl even though they were both paid models. I didn't realize that there was a word for that type of feeling until 11 years old, and from then until about 14 I forced all sexual thoughts out of my head, or tried to. I wanted so badly to be straight, but it wasn't until just last August that I finally allowed myself to think about the subject. I told myself that enough was enough, I wasn't getting anywhere, and I was then able to be fully open and come out to myself.

Psychedelic Bookmarks · 21st Sep 2008, 09:51 AM

There's a long thread and poll on this topic here:
http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/sh...hlight=realise

I was 14. Just settling into puberty when I realised that I really liked fantasising about girls. I explored my feelings further and they got stronger. I also realised that I'd had suppressed feelings of that kind before.

MusicIsLife · 21st Sep 2008, 10:40 AM

12 or 13, though i didnt accept it till i was 18.

Jeimuzu · 21st Sep 2008, 11:15 AM

It's odd with me. There wasn't such a black-and-white way of thinking of it. It wasn't just that one day, I suddenly thought "I'm gay!". I think when I mentally began to refer to myself as gay, I don't think it felt like the first time I did it. Normally, I'd remember something like that otherwise. I think I had a subconscious knowledge and acceptance from the age of around 12, a conscious acceptance when I was about 13, and I came out to one person when I was 14. Then I didn't start coming out any more until I was about 18, hahah!

jazzrawr · 21st Sep 2008, 11:19 AM

Hmmmmm...
I was in grade 6 when i first had feelings for a girl...and it was a teacher XD
She was amazing.

Erm...Yeah, and i fell reeeeally hard for one of my good friends in garde 9...and i was like "I'm so gay. >.<"

Then i convinced myself I was bi...then i realized i had to stop fooling myself.

And here I am.

Matty · 21st Sep 2008, 11:26 AM

I was 12, and puberty was really kicking in (I started a little after I turned 10...), and I just realized that when I saw men and women together, I was more interested in what the man looked like. Simple as that. I came out, finally, 7 months ago.

kramer362 · 21st Sep 2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nova713

I started feeling an attraction to other guys when I was around the age of 13 or so. I denied it at the time and thought I was just going through a phase. Well, here it is ten years later and that phase certainly hasn't died.

I always did find women physically attractive, just not sexually. It never really clicked that I was gay until I was 21 after going to a gay marriage debate at uni. I carried that secret burden for a good 8 years before acknowledging and accepting it.

I can't really answer the "how I knew" since that's the way things kinda always were.

wow that sounds like me, down to the ages and everything. Funny how a person can stay in such hardcore denial until something bizarre makes you admit it..

21st Sep 2008, 04:41 PM

I was very young in age when i realized i had feelings for guys. I had girlfriends to cover this up because like i have said my mom is not supportvie of LGBT people. Well i came out to my best friend Matthew he freaked out a nd i said i was just kidding. I came this year out to BJ, Cory, and a few others at the same time. BJ is also gay and took advantage of the situation. But now everyone except my mom aunt and uncle and one of my cousins dont know, also most of my older church members don't know.

21st Sep 2008, 02:14 AM	#1
ArcaneVerse Fear of the Market Place Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: absent Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 22 Posts: 756 Join Date: Sep 2008	How & When You knew OK so there's the thread about who you first came out to but... How did you first come to realize your sexual orientation? & When was that\how old you were at the time? and all that sort of thing. And i apologize if this has been done or if i offend anyone.

21st Sep 2008, 03:24 AM	#2
byeee wanderer... Full Member Gender: Guy Orientation: totally G.A.Y. :) Out Status: practically everyone! Location: HB Age: 23 Posts: 167 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: How & When You knew I think there's a thread on this too, but buried in the bowels of the forums. When I first got the idea that I might be gay? Around 6-7th form, so 13 . It took a couple years to get used to the idea, and then a few more until I started my mass coming out :>.

21st Sep 2008, 03:46 AM	#3
Amy DFTBA Full Member Gender: Somewhere between female and I don't know Out Status: Open, not out. Location: Northern California, United States Age: 18 Posts: 2,380 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: How & When You knew i was 13 years. it was early april of 2007. i only remember that because of why i thought it, and all the pain/drama that happened the next week. and the week after. and the week after that... i couldnt really narrow down why exactly. im the kind of person where it sometimes takes a while for 1 and 1 to make 2. i spent nearly my entire life knowing that i liked boys and girls, but i never thought that i was bisexual. then it just clicked. i felt pretty, God damned stupid after that. __________________ "The opposite of love is not hate, but fear" Forrest Church

21st Sep 2008, 04:44 AM	#4
Maddy Free Hugs EC Admin Gender: - Orientation: Into girls Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 7,702 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: How & When You knew When I was really young, 7 or 8 or so, I thought that I could be with a woman in the long-term, but I didn't connect that with the idea of being gay. I was attracted to a girl for the first time when I was about 13, and it took a couple of years after that to really realise and accept that I was interested in girls. At first I thought I was bisexual, but I realised over time that I'm pretty much only interested in girls. (It's about a 95%-5% split.)

21st Sep 2008, 07:14 AM	#6
riddlerno1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: London Age: 29 Posts: 712 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: How & When You knew I suppose ive always known since i was bout 7 or so but i didnt name it till i was about 12. then spent the next 13 years trying to be straight. how i knew- i guess it was at school when everyone would be looking at the girls and thinking wow, shes fit and i would be secretly thinking well 'HE'S cute' and not feeling that spark when i saw an attractive girl.

21st Sep 2008, 07:40 AM	#7
pirateninja EC's Sailor Uranus Full Member Gender: Biologically Female Orientation: Heterosexually Challenged Out Status: Most people Location: Bath, England Age: 21 Posts: 5,853 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: How & When You knew Always known, always tried to deny it. Seriously, when I was really young, I used to imagine marrying my best friend (who was female) and I always imagined myself as the groom I finally came to terms with it when I stopped denying it, which was 3 and a half years ago, when I was 14. __________________ Holly the Pirateninja Ars Longa, Vita Brevis.

21st Sep 2008, 08:10 AM	#8
Derek the Wolf Furry Overlord Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Majority Location: Illinois Age: 20 Posts: 1,325 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: How & When You knew When I was 16. I think it's harder to figure out when you're bi, just because you have the justification "hey, I like the opposite sex. all's good here." So yeah, I dragged my feet with it. __________________

21st Sep 2008, 09:00 AM	#10
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: How & When You knew Please note - this story is apparently VERY atypical. First off, know that I am very non-visually attuned. I can see just fine, but for some reason, I don't process as much information visually as most people seem to. Because of this, it's EXTREMELY rare for somebody to "catch my eye". I don't see someone across the room that makes my heart beat faster, or causes me to go back and look again. It just doesn't happen. If I want to ogle someone, I have to make the conscious decision to look. I have to mentally say, "I am going to look at this person in a sexual manner." I know - it's weird, but that's the way I'm built. Anyway, I was 19 or 20, in college, and wondering why the hell I hadn't fallen for some girl yet. I had dated a couple, but really, they were just friends. I never went so far as to hold hands - I just liked hanging out with them, and never really considered them "girlfriends". But all my friends were dating like crazy, and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't ever compelled to do so. So, one day, I just had the thought. "Maybe I'm gay." I wasn't scared of the thought, but I was pretty dismissive. I mean, I'm 20. If I was gay, I think I would've had some sort of inkling of it. But I decided I may as well give it a try. I went outside my dorm, sat at one of the benches out front, and waited for a semi-attractive guy to come by so I could ogle him. Luckily, I didn't have long to wait. Within a minute or so, a guy jogged by wearing nothing but those black short jogging shorts. I sort of gave him the once over surreptitiously, and then, once he ran by, I stared at his ass with a bit more vigor. ...and I sprung MAJOR wood. I'm surprised my jeans didn't rip open. I don't think I actually yelled, "Holy shit, I'm GAY", but I may as well have. It took me a little time to get used to the fact. I started fantasizing about guys exclusively, and my sex drive went through the roof. I waited until I was pretty sure this "phase" wasn't going away before coming out...which, sadly, was right AFTER I graduated. Thus depriving myself of the best chance to "play around". Ah well. It all turned out great. Lex

21st Sep 2008, 09:08 AM	#11
EM68 Happily Married! :) EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about. Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts USA Age: 43 Posts: 4,288 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: How & When You knew For a long time I was attracted to men but did not think I was gay. I thought maybe I was bi and if I "found the right woman" I could fall in love with them. Up to a few years ago I tried dating woman but I felt nothing no attraction to them. When I would go out with my friends they would all look at attractive woman and gauck at them. I would think to myself that their dates and the guys they were with are quite hot. After a lot of self contemplation and struggles I finally came to the conclusion that I'm gay. For a while I was fighting it and had a bunch of self hate. Now I came to terms and I feel a lot better about myself. Last edited by EM68; 21st Sep 2008 at 09:14 AM..

21st Sep 2008, 09:23 AM	#12
Nova713 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How & When You knew I started feeling an attraction to other guys when I was around the age of 13 or so. I denied it at the time and thought I was just going through a phase. Well, here it is ten years later and that phase certainly hasn't died. I always did find women physically attractive, just not sexually. It never really clicked that I was gay until I was 21 after going to a gay marriage debate at uni. I carried that secret burden for a good 8 years before acknowledging and accepting it. I can't really answer the "how I knew" since that's the way things kinda always were.

21st Sep 2008, 09:31 AM	#13
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 18 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: How & When You knew I've known I liked men since I was about eight years old when I saw a magazine ad of a bride and groom, and though the guy was much more attractive than the girl even though they were both paid models. I didn't realize that there was a word for that type of feeling until 11 years old, and from then until about 14 I forced all sexual thoughts out of my head, or tried to. I wanted so badly to be straight, but it wasn't until just last August that I finally allowed myself to think about the subject. I told myself that enough was enough, I wasn't getting anywhere, and I was then able to be fully open and come out to myself.

21st Sep 2008, 09:51 AM	#14
Psychedelic Bookmarks Helena Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Close family and quite a few friends Location: UK Age: 18 Posts: 2,195 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: How & When You knew There's a long thread and poll on this topic here: http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/sh...hlight=realise I was 14. Just settling into puberty when I realised that I really liked fantasising about girls. I explored my feelings further and they got stronger. I also realised that I'd had suppressed feelings of that kind before. __________________ "I refuse to recognize the terms hetero-, bi-, and homo-sexual. Everybody has exactly the same sexual needs. People are just sexual, the prefix is immaterial." (Morissey)

21st Sep 2008, 10:40 AM	#15
MusicIsLife EC Addict Full Member Gender: Not even sure anymore. Something in between. Orientation: I like girls :) Out Status: Everyone on orientation 7 people on trans issue. Location: Montréal, QC Age: 23 Posts: 1,595 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: How & When You knew 12 or 13, though i didnt accept it till i was 18.

21st Sep 2008, 11:15 AM	#16
Jeimuzu Wreck Cognition Full Member Gender: Heterogametic Orientation: Rawr. Out Status: 99% out. Location: Middlesbrough Age: 23 Posts: 1,744 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: How & When You knew It's odd with me. There wasn't such a black-and-white way of thinking of it. It wasn't just that one day, I suddenly thought "I'm gay!". I think when I mentally began to refer to myself as gay, I don't think it felt like the first time I did it. Normally, I'd remember something like that otherwise. I think I had a subconscious knowledge and acceptance from the age of around 12, a conscious acceptance when I was about 13, and I came out to one person when I was 14. Then I didn't start coming out any more until I was about 18, hahah! __________________

21st Sep 2008, 11:19 AM	#17
jazzrawr Lover of Loony Lovegood Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesimbean Out Status: I scream it from rooftops Location: Ontario, Canada. Age: 19 Posts: 3,391 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: How & When You knew Hmmmmm... I was in grade 6 when i first had feelings for a girl...and it was a teacher XD She was amazing. Erm...Yeah, and i fell reeeeally hard for one of my good friends in garde 9...and i was like "I'm so gay. >.<" Then i convinced myself I was bi...then i realized i had to stop fooling myself. And here I am. __________________ <3 You can love people so much... But you can never love someone as much as you can miss them. (...and the lesbians.)

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21st Sep 2008, 11:26 AM	#18
Matty Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: I don't deny it. Location: New England, USA Age: 22 Posts: 117 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: How & When You knew I was 12, and puberty was really kicking in (I started a little after I turned 10...), and I just realized that when I saw men and women together, I was more interested in what the man looked like. Simple as that. I came out, finally, 7 months ago.

21st Sep 2008, 04:41 PM	#20
JayC Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How & When You knew I was very young in age when i realized i had feelings for guys. I had girlfriends to cover this up because like i have said my mom is not supportvie of LGBT people. Well i came out to my best friend Matthew he freaked out a nd i said i was just kidding. I came this year out to BJ, Cory, and a few others at the same time. BJ is also gay and took advantage of the situation. But now everyone except my mom aunt and uncle and one of my cousins dont know, also most of my older church members don't know.