Ill tell them if they ask! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

partietraumatic · 23rd Sep 2008, 07:02 AM

so basically like a month ago i decided that if any of my friends asked me out right if i was gay i would tell the truth rather than lie. so far though, only one girl has actually asked me-and i stuck to my vow and told her!

However she is the only one who has asked and i kinda want to tell my close friends. But i don't wanna go down the route of saying to them 'theres something i want to tell you' etc or anything like that. I think that makes it sounds like a big deal and i really dont think it is-so i don't wanna build it up like that. Maybe its coz i dont act that gay that they don't ask...

anyway what i was wondering was does anyone have any ideas of how i could like bring people round to ask me,without making it seem like a big deal?!

also has anyone else done a similar thing and does it work lol?

**Martin** · 23rd Sep 2008, 07:11 AM

It's the approach I am following. I have only told my parents because it's something they ought to know, and they would never have got it without me actually making a moment to tell them. I would say the technique does work though if you make it work. It can be a lot slower and can catch you by surprise if it suddenly comes up, but if you are at that stage then I am assuming that initial surprise won't bother you that much and will let you answer it.

The best thing to do to get them talking is find a way to slip gay people into a conversation somehow. Last month I was with my mate and his girlfriend at a cafe shop and we were joking about what their children would be like, and I mentioned what it would be like if one was gay. They actually seemed pretty fine about the possibility so that sort of made me assume they seem fine with it, and although it never made them ask me if I was gay then I could have easy carried on pushing that conversation in a direction that would make them ask it. I let it drop though as at that point my parents never knew, and I was adament my mum should know first. It's a good technique though.

23rd Sep 2008, 07:02 AM	#1
partietraumatic A gay heteropolitan? Full Member Gender: Male Out Status: Enough for now Location: Oxford and Birmingham, UK Age: 20 Posts: 1,300 Join Date: Jul 2008	Ill tell them if they ask! so basically like a month ago i decided that if any of my friends asked me out right if i was gay i would tell the truth rather than lie. so far though, only one girl has actually asked me-and i stuck to my vow and told her! However she is the only one who has asked and i kinda want to tell my close friends. But i don't wanna go down the route of saying to them 'theres something i want to tell you' etc or anything like that. I think that makes it sounds like a big deal and i really dont think it is-so i don't wanna build it up like that. Maybe its coz i dont act that gay that they don't ask... anyway what i was wondering was does anyone have any ideas of how i could like bring people round to ask me,without making it seem like a big deal?! also has anyone else done a similar thing and does it work lol? __________________ 'Im not your toy and this isn't another girl meets boy'

23rd Sep 2008, 07:11 AM	#2
Martin EC's Red Queen EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Merseyside, UK Age: 21 Posts: 8,038 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Ill tell them if they ask! It's the approach I am following. I have only told my parents because it's something they ought to know, and they would never have got it without me actually making a moment to tell them. I would say the technique does work though if you make it work. It can be a lot slower and can catch you by surprise if it suddenly comes up, but if you are at that stage then I am assuming that initial surprise won't bother you that much and will let you answer it. The best thing to do to get them talking is find a way to slip gay people into a conversation somehow. Last month I was with my mate and his girlfriend at a cafe shop and we were joking about what their children would be like, and I mentioned what it would be like if one was gay. They actually seemed pretty fine about the possibility so that sort of made me assume they seem fine with it, and although it never made them ask me if I was gay then I could have easy carried on pushing that conversation in a direction that would make them ask it. I let it drop though as at that point my parents never knew, and I was adament my mum should know first. It's a good technique though.