Something that bothers me about society is that everyone seems to immediately assume that everyone else is straight. Obviously, this negatively impacts the LGBT community and I believe that this is one of the largest contributing factors that makes so many LGBT individuals out there feel so ashamed and disgusted with themselves upon discovering that they are LGBT. That being said, you can't really blame anyone for immediately assuming everyone else is straight when the media and our society ignore the reality that homosexuality exists and labels everyone as straight by default. But what I'm wondering is if it weren't for these attitudes and beliefs constantly being reinforced in society, would we still think this way? Historically, there have been many cultures that did not view homosexuality as a bad thing or something to be ashamed of, but do you think that people within these tribes still held this attitude of "everyone is straight until proven otherwise"? In other words, do you think that heterosexism is a natural response? There's no way to tell for sure, but here are my thoughts: Growing up, aside from hearing the phrase "that's so gay" a few times, I never saw or heard anything blatantly homophobic. I was, however, exposed to a lot of heterosexism and everyone around me seemed to immediately assume that I (and everyone else) was straight. And then when I discovered that I was gay? I felt so sick and ashamed and disgusted with myself that I honestly wanted to die rather than live my life as a gay person. And somehow, I don't think that was the case for a lot of gay people who lived in some of the more gay-friendly cultures throughout history. Additionally, there doesn't seem to be any form of homophobia within other animal species that exhibit homosexual tendencies, so I'd like to believe that heterosexism stems from the homophobia in our society rather than simply being wired to think that way. However, even if heterosexism were pre-programmed into us (and I'm not convinced it is), we're living in a day and age where we have enough information to tell us that there's nothing wrong with homosexuality and that seeing it as something deviant, unnatural, or acting like it doesn't exist is irrational and harmful to the LGBT community, so something needs to be done about it. So, yeah, those are my thoughts, what do you guys think?
There's no excuse for heterosexism anymore, and in some cases I find it worse than out right homophobia sometimes since it seems to be dying out, while heterosexism stays within even our strongest supporters. And I agree. Assuming people are straight until questioned otherwise erases LGBT people and makes it more awkward to come out.
I think you can't really blame them for another reason: the vast majority of people are straight and so its easier for the brain to rely on schema and just presume people are straight by default. Of course it would be nice if non of us resorted to stereotyping and all viewed every person we met without any preconceived judgment or thoughts, but in reality our brain just doesn't function like that. Without boxing things off and grouping things its cognitive overload. Even if we did try to force the brain to assume strangers were "asexual" until further detail were provided, the fact that in 90-97% (depending on which statistics you follow) of cases the person you met would end up to be straight would likely cause the brain to try and take shortcuts (i.e. presuming straightness). An example: If I meet someone with black hair, black clothes and white makeup I immediately presume a number of things: that they belong to the goth or emo subcultures, that they like certain music and not others, that they carry a certain amount of angst or existential despair. In a good number of cases I'll be right (or at least partly so). In that case my brain has saved itself a bit of work in providing me with these stereotypes. I could try to manually override it, but it would be difficult and may not prove that useful (i.e. if I didn't presume someone in this situation was a goth and asked them if they liked Lady Gaga I might commit a bit of a social faux pas).
I agree, I think heterosexism has affected my life much more than homophobia. That's true, but you also have to ask what the harm is in keeping an open mind and acknowledging that you shouldn't necessarily make assumptions in this particular situation. Also, over 90% of the population has brown eyes and black/brown hair, but we don't necessarily assume that someone we're hearing about or meeting for the first time is going to have brown eyes and black hair. And I acknowledge that this is a slightly different scenario since these are traits you can tell just by looking at someone, but if we're not going to make an assumption about someone's hair and eye color despite the fact that there's over a 90% chance that they are going to have a particular hair/eye color, then why should we make assumptions about someone's sexuality until being given information that suggests otherwise?
I agree with your idealism, Steele. That would make life a lot easier, and less stressful, but the reality is, as human beings, we automatically jump to assumptions and preconceived notions. It's how we work, be it for quickness or convenience, and has served humanity well enough, to allow them to have made it this far. I don't assume everybody is heterosexual, myself, but I also assume they aren't bi/homosexual either. People are blank slates, in terms of their interior, to me, until they begin expressing themselves. During this, I'll take the various pieces, put them together, and begin to have an idea of what the full puzzle is going to look like. However, it is often times safer to assume, somebody is heterosexual, especially in a bigoted society, or when somebody is in the closet. It is sad, but a reality of the times, and certain places some of us, live in.
Oh but we do! When we speak to a stranger on the phone, hear about a new person, or read about a fictional character it is is simply automatic for our brain to create a mental image of them - regardless of whether we have been provided any physical characteristics. This mental image is usually shaped by a number of factors - the likelihood of them being a certain way is very important. For example, if I speak to a Scottish accented person on the phone the mental image is always going to be white skinned, simply because statistically it is far more likely Scottish person would be white (I believe only 1% are black, and even fewer are second generation+ with distinct Scottish accents). In contrast if I speak to someone with a Japanese accent I will presume they will look asian and not white (even though they could theoretically be white). My brain simply jumps to these conclusions based on stereotypes and information it holds.And based on probabilities usually it would be correct.
Hmm, its natural to make sweeping assumptions based on the knowledge you have. Fact: most people are straight With that, its logical to assume straight. There's nothing wrong with that assumption. Heck I make the same assumption. It doesn't bother me that the assumption is made. However I do understand the frustration for others. As a person in a wheelchair there are many assumptions made bout me, and people like me
I have experienced this as well. On a chat room I frequent, I was talking with a few (cis) guys, and one asked me what type of girl I liked (not directly, he asked everyone in the room) I had to kind of avoid the topic. Pretty sure that is assuming I (and anyone else who had not spoken of their sexuality before) am straight. But of course, they meant no harm.. I wasn't out as gay on there yet, and when I did come out a few days later, they were okay with it. I don't think most people mean to be offensive and/or homophobic when they assume someone is straight. It is just the way society works. Heterosexuality is the mainstream, and homo/bi/pansexuals etc are still considered the minority.
I think probably the issue is not whether people make assumptions (as these often happen subconsciously and without thought), but whether people are flexible and open-minded enough to accept when their presumptions may be wrong and "recalibrate" with the corrected info. For example (I'll be all exampled out by the end of the day!): I don't think its wrong to presume someone is straight, however it would be wrong to refuse to let go of this presumption once it is found to be incorrect (i.e. the person expressly states they are gay) or to make a song and dance about it ("No way, I don't believe you, I thought you were straight! You are joking right?!" etc).
I would still rather have someone take a neutral stance and say 'do you have a significant other?' or something like that rather than specify the gender. The statement isn't going to bother straight people, and it won't offend gay people or keep them closeted. The assumption to heterosexuality is what causes shame in gay people and forces them to live a 'straight' life.
Yeah, it would be nice if people made fewer assumptions about each other when they meet, but it's hard for us humans not to make snap judgements about others. Apparently, we generally decide whether or not we're going to like someone within a few seconds of meeting them. And with that, we make a whole host of assumptions about them. A person's perceived sexuality would be one of the assumptions we make, and it's not really a conscious thing. Anyway, yeah, since I realised I'm gay, I no longer assume everyone is straight unless proven otherwise, but if you're straight and only know straight people, I can understand why you might assume all the people you meet are no different.
I'm just gonna say this. Given that so many studies suggest that most of us are straight and how we can't predict one's sexuality by looking, of course people will assume at first that you're straight at first as they have no evidence other than suggestive evidence of what the majority is to suggest what sexuality you have. I say this as a former heterosexual whose sexual orientation died. As in my case, I will assume that you're straight unless evidence suggests otherwise, and even so, I know that there's a possibility that isn't the case, so I leave room for other possibility. I am so not gonna ask 100% of the population "Are you gay/bi/ace?" when about 95% isn't.
I never assume a person's orientation. Whenever I get to know someone and I am curious about their personal life, I always ask if they have a special someone. I prefer to be neutral because you just don't know.
I definitely agree with this. It can be harmful to members of the LGBT community. Society needs to become more accepting of homosexuality. As for your question, I don't think we're "pre-programmed" with heterosexism. It's society that conditions us into thinking that way.
