Thinking I messed up. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

jbb1236 · 1st Oct 2008, 09:50 AM

I don't know if what I did was wrong, or maybe it was the delievery but I think i FUBARed it. Well here it goes. I was talking to this guy I had met online. He had sent me a picture of him. I wasn't all that attracted to him, and in my second email to him I told "I'm not all that attracted to him, but we can sure be friends" and I got a rather nasty email from him after that.

Did I screw up by telling him what I actually felt, did maybe it put it in a not so nice way, or did he just overreact?

Joey · 1st Oct 2008, 10:01 AM

I don't think so... if you're not attracted, then you're not attracted. You could have said something along the lines of "you're not really my type" or something along those lines (which, essentially you did) but I think he overreacted a bit.

**Lexington** · 1st Oct 2008, 12:06 PM

Not necessarily, but yeah - you could have worded it better. Saying "I'm not really attracted to you" is tatamount to saying "You're ugly", and nobody likes to hear that, even if they're three-bags-ugly. It may have been better to focus specifically on the positive stuff. Don't comment on the looks necessarily unless asked specifically. Stick with "You seem like a nice guy, and I think I'd like to get to know you better."

...but thank you for helping keep FUBAR in the lexicon.

Lex

Chrathionnus · 1st Oct 2008, 01:04 PM

If you felt that way you were fine to say something because if you guys got closer you'd be thinking about how ugly he is every time he touched you.That isn't a pleasant thing.

riddlerno1 · 1st Oct 2008, 02:27 PM

Well at least you didnt just log off!! you gave your reason but it seems he did over react cos if he didnt even ask you about it and went off and wrote a nasty mesage then it means he over reacted to your reasoning!

1st Oct 2008, 09:50 AM	#1
jbb1236 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everyone but Parents Location: Boodocks, Iowa Posts: 150 Join Date: Sep 2008	Thinking I messed up. I don't know if what I did was wrong, or maybe it was the delievery but I think i FUBARed it. Well here it goes. I was talking to this guy I had met online. He had sent me a picture of him. I wasn't all that attracted to him, and in my second email to him I told "I'm not all that attracted to him, but we can sure be friends" and I got a rather nasty email from him after that. Did I screw up by telling him what I actually felt, did maybe it put it in a not so nice way, or did he just overreact?

1st Oct 2008, 10:01 AM	#2
Joey EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: tiny tiny University in northern Maryland Age: 23 Posts: 503 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Thinking I messed up. I don't think so... if you're not attracted, then you're not attracted. You could have said something along the lines of "you're not really my type" or something along those lines (which, essentially you did) but I think he overreacted a bit. __________________ I was smacked in the face with a piece of chicken which was covered in Thousand Island Dressing today... somehow, I know it'll be all right in the end.

1st Oct 2008, 12:06 PM	#3
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,371 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Thinking I messed up. Not necessarily, but yeah - you could have worded it better. Saying "I'm not really attracted to you" is tatamount to saying "You're ugly", and nobody likes to hear that, even if they're three-bags-ugly. It may have been better to focus specifically on the positive stuff. Don't comment on the looks necessarily unless asked specifically. Stick with "You seem like a nice guy, and I think I'd like to get to know you better." ...but thank you for helping keep FUBAR in the lexicon. Lex

1st Oct 2008, 01:04 PM	#4
Chrathionnus Banned Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to everyone Location: The never-ending pit of hell. Age: 19 Posts: 13 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: Thinking I messed up. If you felt that way you were fine to say something because if you guys got closer you'd be thinking about how ugly he is every time he touched you.That isn't a pleasant thing.

1st Oct 2008, 02:27 PM	#5
riddlerno1 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but family Location: London Age: 29 Posts: 712 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Thinking I messed up. Well at least you didnt just log off!! you gave your reason but it seems he did over react cos if he didnt even ask you about it and went off and wrote a nasty mesage then it means he over reacted to your reasoning!

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