When you're in a bad life situation - a situation that would make coming out difficult - and others tell you to just "stay in the closet for now" (just a few more years, you know), is it really that easy? I'm in a huge dilemma when it comes to college. Applications are due soon, I'm a senior, and I haven't made much progress. This is because I would like to move away from home (but stay in-state) for college, yet my identical twin sister isn't ready and wants to go to college in our hometown and live with our parents. We've already agreed to go to the same school, because it would be so much easier on everyone. But I don't think I could do that. There's so much tension and dysfunction in my family, and I really feel like staying at home wouldn't help (or would even harm) my personal growth and development. Most of all, I don't think I would ever mention my sexuality while living in the same house as my parents. I know they're both intensely uncomfortable with gay people, and while they wouldn't kick me out or anything, it would just be awkward for everyone involved (especially me). And forget about any chance of dating. I'm pretty sure that I'm gay; about 80% sure right now. It's not like I'm desperate to get into a relationship or anything, but for some reason, not talking about this with anyone is just... depressing. The only relief I have is this forum, but other than that, I can't talk about this with anyone. I've been told on another forum to just go to college in my hometown and live with my parents (since I seem unprepared logistic-wise), because I can put off coming out for the next few years. Is that really a realistic thing to say though? For some reason, thoughts about my sexuality take up a lot of space in my head. I think about it every day. I don't think it's something I could just ignore. I don't need to be in any relationships in college, but the thought of staying closeted in college seems very overwhelming for some reason. I feel like I'm lying to everyone in my family, and it makes me feel pretty awful. I can't even put my finger on why. Is this just me overreacting? Everyone seems to say your sexuality shouldn't be that big of a deal. So what do you think? If you're in a situation where coming out would be hard, should you just suck it up and ignore coming out or being in a relationship for a few years, or is that easier said than done?
It's easier said than done and I'm sorry this is happening to you... I'm not out to my family at all, because I know they will go crazy and start praying over me to "dispel the demons" and what not. I'm planning on coming out to the them the day I leave for college. But at the moment it is hard keeping it from the them. The only reason I can cope is because of the few friends who know about me that I can talk to. My suggestion is find a good friend that will keep your secret that you can rant and rave to about what's on your mind good luck!
I know it sucks, but sometimes it's for the best :/ I know some people come out to friends before their family, which does help. The only trouble is, you might be waiting for the right moment, and it may never come. It's pretty confusing
Ye, i gotta say i don't see the rush or urgency to come out to your family if those consequences will mess up your furthering your goals . If its such an issue to come out why not come out at school so at least youve partially fulfilled that need? . You can't duscuss this with your twin ? That seems odd to me . I'm super close with my little brother and i could tell him anything . He knows I'm with a dude right now too( Its even his fault pretty much). Is there no way you can confide in your twin ? I feel for you although I'm not any where near your situation and my empathy doesn't do much for you in this matter. I am a freshman in college and i go to school across country . I sincerely hope that stuff can work out because you don't need the aggravation when you're finally here at school, no matter the geographics ,and you defintiely don't need it dealing with applications.
My situation isn't quite the same, because my parents know, but they keep asking things like 'can't you just accept your body?' No. I rant and rave to my bisexual friend, because her mum doesn't know and we have loads in common, in that aspect, but i would suugest getting a friend you can rant to Also, I'm sorry for the way things are xx
Unfortunately, I don't have any friends I could talk to. :tears: I haven't done so well in the friend department. I have had friends in the past, but they all turned out to be flakes. My school is very cliquey and catty. I know there are good people at my school, but I can't seem to find them anywhere, and now it looks like it's too late. I'm an extremely private person. I don't think I'd ever talk to anyone unless I've known them for at least a few years. I have one friend who I've known since I was six, and I considered talking to her, but she's changed a lot throughout high school. She's very popular, and a bit of a backstabber - she's betrayed me multiple times, but I'm too much of a doormat to walk away. I know she cares about me deep down, but the thought of her telling anyone else is too big of a risk. Then there's my sister of course, but she isn't very good at keeping secrets. I know she would start bugging me and pressuring me to tell my parents. She just wouldn't understand. I also have a feeling she would feel pretty uncomfortable/awkward as well. I try to put myself in her shoes and imagine what it would be like if she were gay, and it's very weird to think about. I know I would feel more comfortable with her being with a guy (I know, I'm such a hypocrite), so I can't expect her to feel any differently. The big issue now is how much I can isolate myself before making any statements, but if she forces me to stay home for college, I'm officially screwed.
I think you need to do what you feel is best. Even if that is moving away. You need to live your life for yourself, no one else. I moved away (but still in the same state) from all my family and friends - It was one of the best things that happened in my life. I also moved for college. I didn't have a cent to my name, and didn't know anyone where I moved to. I was able to start fresh, where no one knew me. It wound up being one of the best decisions of my life.
That's like telling people they can just keep standing in the campfire for a few more years. The longer you wait to come out the harder it gets.
I think it's more like sitting in a Jacuzzi, cause you eventually may find you're in a comfortable place and as much as you know you should get out and enjoy the life you want, the longer that you stay in that Jacuzzi the more you become afraid of facing the cold... Or something like that XP I'm just making s:***:t up. :lol: I think you should always do what you think is right for you. If its too painful to keep the secret then I think you should way the pros and cons and talk it over with yourself, maybe come out to one very trustworthy friend and talk things over with them. And failing that you could seek out a LGBT support group, if nothing else it may help to be around other people and hear about their struggles and maybe talk about your own. As nice as this place is an irl support group could be a real benefit to you... As far as relationships go, well, we all struggle in that department whether you're gay or straight, its just a fact of life. You don't necessarily need to come out to date though! I can't say I have much advice on the dating scene though, I mostly meet girls online first. XD I hope this helps in some way. (*hug*) Be strong hun ^^
