What are some of the best/worst jokes and pick up lines you've ever heard? Mine: "You take physics, I take biology, I'm sure we can work out some chemistry between us"
Umm, I like this joke- So there's this kid who's really bad at math okay? Like, REALLY bad. His parents tried everything to get him to improve. They gave him privated tutoring, tried one and one teaching themselves, and at the last resort they send him to Catholic school. On the first day he gets an A on his paper. After a week he gets an A on his quiz. A few weeks later he gets and A on his report card, plus another A on his quiz. His parents are surprised and ask him how he is doing so good. Was it the nun's strict ways? Was it his peers help? What was it? "Well," he said looking at them "When I walked in and saw that guy nailed on the addition sign, I knew they meant business!"
Guy 1) My lighter quit can I get a light. Guy 2) *pulls out a lighter that is 3-4 times the usual length and gives the man a light.* Guy 1) wow that's cool where did you get that? Guy 2) I found a genie and it granted my wish. Guy 1) A genie!? Can I make a wish? Guy 2) I suppose. After rubbing the lamp the genie appears. Guy 1) I wish for a million bucks. Genie) hold on a second. The genie disappeared into his lamp and a few seconds later a million ducks came flying out. Guy 1) I think your genie is kinda hard of hearing. Guy 2) Tell me about it. Do you really think I wished for a ten inch Bic? Guy 2)
. I went shopping earlier today and when I got to the checkout my trolley was overflowing with stuff falling on the floor. Stood behind me was a little old lady with just a tin of peas and a few sausages in her basket. I said, "Is that all you've got, love?" Her little face lit up and said, "Yes, dear." I replied, "Well fuck off then, I'm gonna be ages!"
