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To fear, or be feared

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Quiet Raven, Nov 7, 2014.

  1. Quiet Raven

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    In Canada, 1 in 3 women have experienced rape. Mostly by men. That is deplorable. Because of this, many women live in fear of it possibly happening. And many are very fearful of men in particular. Always cautious around them. Very hesitant to get close. Must be hard...

    The other side of the coin doesn't have it easy either. Just because of our appearance, and that statistic, we are feared. A lot of the time, we look their way with a friendly expression, they look the other way. We say hi, or give a compliment, they think we are creepy. So I just don't really acknowledge them most of the time. (Or men either actually) I have seen discusions on Facebook about how terrified many women are just for being around men. Especially alone with one. Like men are monsters or something. I understand why some may feel that way but...

    It hurts. It really does. For someone to be afraid to get close, with no way of proving that I won't hurt them.

    One of the most painful experiences in my life was that. Nothing to do with rape or my apearence. (As far as I know) But it is about fear.

    I met a girl in college that I really got along with. This was amazing because I have so much trouble making good friends. In fact... This was the first one since elementary. (We lost contact after elementary) We spoke every day. But you see...

    A lot of people abused her in the past. She had trouble trusting people. She had no intention of ever getting together outside of school, or to ever see me again after the year. She never thought of me as a friend. Just someone to talk to. That's all. Because she was afraid to trust me as a friend. I finally could have made a friend. But because some bastards betrayed her in the past...

    I wanted to help her. I wanted to show her that she doesn't have to completely close all walls... But I couldn't. How was I supposed to prove myself? Prove her that I can be trusted?

    It has been a few years. And I still think about it at night sometimes...

    Then I think about that statistic... And the stuff I heard women say. I wonder... Will I ever trusted? And how can I prove myself?
     
    #1 Quiet Raven, Nov 7, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2014
  2. ForNarnia

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    I wish I could tell you. When people go through traumatic experiences, they tend to shut people out, and it takes a lot to get them to let you in. All you can really do is be there for them, and try to be supportive, but there's no telling how long it could take. I wish I could give you better advice, I apologise for my vagueness :/
     
  3. The Janitor

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    Yes, you can be trusted if you show yourself worthy of it. Consistently meeting or going over other people's expectations, fulfilling promises, and being someone you think others would feel happy, comfortable, and safe around. Lots of work, it isn't for everyone, but if you want to do so you can.
     
  4. Quiet Raven

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    I have always done that. At least to the best of my ability.
     
  5. The Janitor

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    Then the problem isn't with you, it's with the view of those whom you are trying to gain trust from.
     
  6. resu

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    I'm very sorry about this. I guess in some ways I try to play the harmless "boy" stereotype when I notice a woman or lady seemingly a little cautious around me. Since I'm usually their height and skinny, I secretly hope they won't think I'm a threat. I also try to smile to not seem weird.
     
  7. The Janitor

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    Noone ever feels weird around me cause I'm so silent.
    On the internet I gain trust because I seem like a very simple person who can tell right from wrong and won't let things slip. I'm also very honest, and if need be, I can be extremely kind and relaxed.