I was at a gar bar last night with some friends and it actually kinda depressed me. I saw all these people having a blast, and one of my friends (a gay guy) was dancing with this SUPER CUTE guy. The cute guy was dancing around everywhere, dancing with my female friends at first, and then sort of made his way over to my gay friend. The two of them left shortly afterwards... I saw many guys making advances/approaching other guys. No one approached me I got home and was super depressed (I'm also in the middle of a case of depression right now). i actually broke down in sadness. Being lonely, feeling worthless, etc. Anyway, for those of you more experienced with gay bars/clubs, I have a couple of questions: 1) Is it bad to expect advances from others? 2) How do you make advances on others? I HATE doing this, since I feel like a creep/I'm violating people's space (especially in the dance floor scene), and I'm super scared of rejection 3) How do you feel more comfortable being there? I think I may have given off the "uncomfortable" vibe to some people. I loosened up a little, but I think I'm kind of an uptight person. 4) Are there certain things you have to do when at a gay club/bar in order to meet new people? Maybe I was staying too close to the circle of friends that I went out with...
Maybe people didn't approach you because you had this aura of being in a "bad mood." For example, when I'm in a bad mood, people can tend to avoid me or be deferential. That said, if I were at a gay club, I'd be very shy and would probably want others to approach me. Perhaps other guys liked you but were equally shy. However, since I've never been to a proper club, gay or otherwise, I'm not sure how people approach others in that situation.
I'm a massive loser who leaves his house for college, work, and the occational chore run, so I'm not sure I'll have any useful info for you. I've never been to a gay bar, nor have I even met a gay guy in years, so you're already miles ahead of me in that regard. I'm sure that if you keep trying to get yourself noticed, being spontaneous, trying to be a little sillier, you'll find your way into someone's arms/lap. Getting someone to notice you by doing nothing usually won't work. I'm living proof of that, because I haven't had a spoken conversation with anyone other than professors or family in months and months. You gotta go and be a doof!
Sounds like my life! I RARELY go out. I've only made an effort to go out and be sociable this school year, since it's my last (unless I complete a Master's program).
I've never been to a gay bar, so I don't really know how it works. I've been to some college parties though, so I will try my best: 1) No it's not bad. I think most people want to be approached by others. 2) Haha I'm not good at this either. Just dance around them? I think you can tell if someone's being receptive when your eyes meet. You shouldn't be scared of rejection on a dance floor though, just keep having fun and move on. 3) I'm very uptight too and most of the time had to rely on alcohol on those parties. If you don't drink, then maybe going more to these clubs will give you more security and confidence. 4) I don't think I can help you here because I don't know how it works in gay bars. I'd stick to my group of friends and if my eyes met someone's that I clicked, I'd probably smile. Sometimes it's better to just concentrate on having fun with your friends and eventually you will find someone. Also, many people are just as shy as you and are also waiting to be approached.
I think the main thing is to find a way to have fun. That has to be the objective rather than meeting someone--because the fact of the matter is that people approach people who are having a good time. I was quite the bar fly for years when I came out, met hundreds of people and a lot of really great friends. Most of the people I have dated I either met in bars/clubs or through friends I met in bars/clubs. I met my partner of 17 years in a bar. The fact of the matter is that I don't even drink much--I had my first drink at 22--but I always had a great time when I went out. Find places to go that you enjoy and people to go with whose company you enjoy and once you are genuinely having a good time all sorts of people will want to get in on the evening you're having.
