Ridiculous things you did to convince yourself you weren't LGBT

i used to lift weights to convince myself that if i had biceps and triceps i would be a real man, looks like i was wrong again

 

I used to tell myself I was bisexual. And I used to look at girls a lot. Trying to force myself to like them.

 

I dated my good male friend. We kissed once, which wasn't bad, but I couldn't make myself have sex with him. Just couldn't.

Also, I convinced myself that the fact that I found a male celebrity attractive meant I would be okay sleeping with him, which meant I was straight. Alas.

 

I dated guys that I wasn't attracted to, hoping the attraction and desire would just occur somehow after I started dating them.

 

Dated guys I wasn't attracted to , dated guys because they like hobbies just like me
For example he 's smart guess I'll date him , he wants to be a doctor guess I'll date him , we have the same hobbies guess I'll date him . Hmm I'm not attracted to him , Oh I'll just become attracted to him after knowing him .
All the girls like him , he's good looking guess I'll date him , .
he's nice to me that means I like him .
I'm going to try to see if I can get this guy to like me that's what I'm suppose to do right ? if I can't get a guy to like me that means I failed as a woman .
Oh all women are bisexual my attractions to women don't count sexuality is fluid for all of us , I can't be a lesbian , it's normal for women to be attracted to other women , It's just a phase .
Wow that girl is really hot ,oh yeah I remember women's sexuality is more fluid than men so that attraction doesn't count , I'm not a lesbian it's just my sexuality .
I'm not attracted to men , I'll like them some day some man will come and make me fall in love with him .

These are the silly things I told myself , because I didn't want to believe I'm lgbt .

 

I was about to take male hormones in order to develop a low, masculine voice but now I want the exact opposite lol!

And I asked a girl if she wanted to be my girlfriend in 2nd grade, although I wasn't aware of my sexuality and I really liked her so that doesn't really count (she rejected me, by the way lmao)

 

I could write a novel

I pushed things down to the point I would forget about them.

I would say I can't be LGBT and a Christian, which was sadly true.

I would joke that my twin is gay and I am the straight one.

Wrongly identified as asexual, though I thought I was at the time.

Think about all of the horrible stereotypes and say that I didn't want them.

Resented the word queer.

 

"If guys like me then I must like guys." (dat logic)
"I don't like her like her, she's just a really good friend. A reaaally good friend. A reeeeeeaaaaallllyyy-"

 

I'd make fun of gays and tell myself that I wouldn't be making fun of gays if I were gay.

Similarly, I'd think about my own internalized homophobia and tell myself that it wouldn't be there if I were gay.

I'd go online and look at pictures of naked women.

I'd talk about hot girls with my straight male friends.

I'd stare at the girls at my school and make sure I got caught staring.

Yup. I genuinely thought I was asexual, but in hindsight I think it was part of my bargaining phase.

 

I started reading books on football and basketball so guys would like me better.

Also, I tried to feel attracted to some of my best male friends, and it was working for a while because I had very strong emotions for them.

But then I saw what a dick looked like and I knew I wasn't straight. So I stopped trying to act straight and went for the "I will never be interested in any of you" persona.

 

Try to act like a girl. Try to ignore that I really wasn't one.

 

Dated 2 guys in high school (not at the same time) (I feel really bad about it), stuck posters of boys on my walls (even though they were boring lol), threw myself into a religion I didn't really believe in so I could have some "excuse"

 

I think when I first started having thoughts about guys I suppressed it and didnt let myself think that way. Then a couple years later I decided I was bi. That lasted like a few days or a week at most, I guess I used it as a stepping stone for coming out to myself as gay (which I've heard alot of people do)

 

Force myself to watch straight porn. I don't find porn appealing, so forcing myself to watch porn AND straight porn probably had the exact opposite effect.

 

telling myself that since i like girls, i couldnt be gay at all.
Joining a bunch of sports teams, even though i hate sports
Made up fake feelings for girls.
U ready for this one? Its probably stupidest one ever. Telling myself that since i didnt like to read my moms category of romance, i wasnt gay. ( i have no idea what i was thinking with that one)

 

I would develop crazy obsessive crushes on famous men, and the occasional real life guy; like, look how freaking straight I am!

I told myself that it wasn't seeing Natalie Portman stripping in Closer that turned me on, but Doctor Larry as a miserable drunken sap. Sure, me. That's totally not the worst rationalization ever.

When I realized I never felt anything romantic towards guys, I assumed it meant either I was aromatic, or love wasn't real and was just a rationalization for sticking around someone you want to have sex with. I was such a cynical pessimist!

 

Honestly, I thought that if I gave a guy a chance (my kids father) that he'd somehow make me feel differently, yet it never happened. If anything, it made my feelings towards women stronger. Denying my feelings/having sex with men sorta clarified a lot of things for me.

So, yeah...I used to have sex with men to prove to myself that I wasn't attracted to women. However, it did the exact opposite. I'm not bisexual, I am gay, but I can't accept it.

 

I haven't really had that experience before.. I never really realized till I met my ex girlfriend and I was just comfortable with her enough to not worry about it, after she broke up with me, I immediately went to the questioning stage and never really tried to convince myself I wasn't who I was..