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Do you ever get sick of being femme?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by PositivelyMe, Nov 19, 2014.

  1. PositivelyMe

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    So basically, I'm pretty femme; I have long hair, wear make-up occasionally, and definitely seem more feminine than masculine. The issue is I'm also attracted to femmes, and it's so hard to find people to date. It's just so frustrating.
     
  2. Phalange

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    I haven't experienced any troubles with it, yet. Then again, I'm not out.
     
  3. Pret Allez

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    No, I love being feminine.

    What you're describing is what I like to call the "feminine lesbian visibility problem." One of my female bisexual friends complained bitterly about this. Basically, because she's very feminine, she's not visibly queer and therefore unlikely to be read as a potential partner for lesbian and bisexual women.

    There's nothing you're doing wrong, it's just that women with short hair or "butch" presentations are more likely to be seen as lesbians. It's tough to be a lipstick lesbian.

    Lesbians out there need to remember that their partners come in more than just "butch."
     
  4. stocking

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    I'm sick of it because butch is just not me , I'm a feminine person and I can't help how I like to dress if I go butch or chapstick I feel like a fake and I'm not being my real self .
    But I'm sick of how your viewed when your femme specially if your a feminine lesbian people think it means your bisexual but you just hadn't had the right cock . Lesbians see you with a guy and they assume your straight. You get hit on by men all the time and it's annoying . I once had a guy try to grab me and kiss me once they don't take the hint .
    Those are the things I'm sick of . But I don't want to lose my sense of self why do I have to be butch to be taken seriously as a lesbian .:confused:
    Can't I just get some damn respect when I say I'm lesbian take as i'm lesbian .
    Then talk about being mistaken for straight you would think lesbians who chase after straight girls would at least just hit on me a few times , It's like your invisible I just can't stand it .
     
    #4 stocking, Nov 19, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2014
  5. jay777

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  6. rhapsodic

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    Well I get sick of gay girls thinking I'm straight, so yeah...
     
  7. juliegt6

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    I wouldn't say tired of it, but there are mornings when looking pretty just seems like too much effort compared to sleeping in.

    The femme invisibility stuff gets to me when I'm single, but I've always managed to find people eventually.
     
  8. YuriBunny

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    Well, a lot of lesbians like feminine girls. ^.^♥ You just have to get yourself really far out of the closet so that potential girlfriends know. (Easier said than done, I know...)
     
  9. stocking

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    Yah :icon_sad:
     
  10. Opheliac

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    Exactly.
    I don't use these labels, but if I did, I'm somewhere in between femme and not, but I lean considerably towards not. I do a few feminine things obsessively and I just don't care about other stuff, and prefer not being seen as feminine in general.

    Either way, my point is that everyone is different, and sexual orientation and personality are not as intricately linked as many people seem to think they are. Stereotypes suck.
     
  11. YuriBunny

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    Yes! I hate how my parents always assume someone's sexuality by their personality!
     
  12. Fallingdown7

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    The fact that femme lesbians are invisible is the real issue
     
  13. Randomcloud

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    I love being femme but yeah I see where you're coming from (I'm attracted to femmes too).... I'm getting sick of being mistaken for the friendly straight girl lol
     
  14. I'm so feminine it took me weeks to convince my best friend that I'm actually a lesbian.

    It can definitely be hard finding other lesbians when society sees you as straight because of the way you look, but it's better to be who you are than force yourself to fit some stereotype. I like people for who they are, not for what they look like, so trying to find someone feminine really hasn't been an issue for me. My girlfriend is a nice balance for me. She definitely isn't butch, but she isn't as feminine as I am either.

    I love it that I "look" straight. It's funny to see the looks on peoples' faces when I tell them I'm a lesbian.
     
  15. stocking

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    That's one part I actually enjoyed about looking straight lol I kinda hate it now because it took a bad turn ,but mostly girls would have the weirdest reaction it took me months to convince my friend that I'm lesbian .
     
  16. Yeah, I get a lot of hate for it too though.

    "You aren't really a lesbian. You just don't want to date me."
    "Oh, honey... You're just questioning."
    "You must be bisexual then."
    "You just want attention."

    The list could go on...
     
  17. stocking

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    I've gotten to your bisexual you just don't know it yet , and the oh your confused .
    I hadn't gotten the you just want attention .
     
  18. brittana

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    Not being out yet, it isnt a problem so far, but it does look like 'feminine' lesbians are less 'visible'... And i think they're more my 'type' :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: And I'm feminine too... The first time I get a gf will be interesting ^^
     
  19. kem

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    I know this has been a female-dominant thread, but I can kind of relate to the issue. I'm not clearly feminine or masculine so no one really realises I'm gay until they spend some time with me, or, read my facebook about page.
     
  20. Nekoko

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    I love being feminine! I'm trying to be more so every single day! It's just who I am! I can understand how it might be troublesome. At least as far as people taking your sexuality seriously but as far as I'm concerned, other people suck anyways! Who cares what they think? :lol: You just are who you are! I can't comment to much on dating woes cause trans lesbians have a whole different set of issues there! :rolle: But I feel your pain, finding someone is already hard enough and additional road blocks just make you feel like you're stuck... Still I have always tried not to worry and just enjoy life. If someone comes along into my life then that is fantastic, if not I'll just keep waiting and looking. Which for me worked out so yay! XD