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Love: A hopeless fantasy or beautiful reality?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by GCLW, Nov 19, 2014.

  1. GCLW

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    Hey guys, so I'm posting this thread about whether love exists (specifically romantic love) because:

    1) I'm curious of how many people in this (awesome) community actually believe in love;
    2) Why, if you do, do you believe?;
    3) To find hope that people in this world can still have love;
    4) (Lastly) I wanna hear stories (happy-ever-after or even tragic ones) that can teach me a lesson that I wouldn't be able to learn in my lifetime.

    I myself am closed of to the idea based on past experience of me (bad crushes- but only crushes, no biggie), my parents (biggie-they're divorced), and other people (best friends who went out with each other only to break up and lose their friendship).

    Personal Story: Like I said, I'm kinda closed off to the idea of romantic love but that's probably because I'm afraid of opening myself to other people. It's the old +2000 year old story where you open yourself to people, let them in to your life, your secrets etc. only to have them betray you brutally. So, you pick yourself up, maybe try again, only to be betrayed once again (even though you're wise enough to choose the people around you) resulting in you taking your heart, locking it up in a chest, and throwing away the key.

    I do want to believe that I can eventually say those four magical words to someone and mean it honestly, but I guess it remains a mystery until that minute when I say, "I love you too."
     
  2. Hexagon

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    As far as I'm concerned, it's neither of those two options. I believe in love; there's no reason to think that those who say they've experienced it are lying. But I don't really think very much of it. From what I've seen, it makes people selfish, and distracts them from what really matters.
     
  3. CJliving

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    1) I'm curious of how many people in this (awesome) community actually believe in love
    Yes. I definitely believe in love. Sometimes I even like to entertain the thought of true love (although I don't think that anyone should ever try to find it).
    2) Why, if you do, do you believe?
    I was raised in a house with loving parents who loved each other. Found out much later that they didn't marry for love but actually out of the fear of being alone basically. My dad didn't even know he loved my mom until she was dead.
    I've seen people in love, lots of people.
    I've been in love, twice.
    3) To find hope that people in this world can still have love
    There is no reason not to hope. Just look at that story about my parents! They gave up and still managed to find love!
    4) (Lastly) I wanna hear stories (happy-ever-after or even tragic ones) that can teach me a lesson that I wouldn't be able to learn in my lifetime.
    Love as in the movies or tv, doesn't really happen. I think it's impossible to be in love with someone, romantically, every day for one thing. It's all bits and pieces, love might be the center, but it could also be things like acceptance, support, respect, compassion, a challenger, etc. My first boyfriend and I loved each other, but we weren't right for each other and weren't our best with each other. That kind of love unfortunately exists too. I think, and I want, the kind of love where I have never loved myself more and can grow in a way that will result in the best me without having to worry about my partner growing away, being unsupportive/jealous, falling behind, etc.
    I think everyone's definition of love is different too. You and your partner have to understand each other's definitions, otherwise you might not feel like your love is being accepted or you might not feel loved, even if you are loving and being loved.

    It's always worth it to hope.
     
  4. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    I don't believe in love. I think it is only an illusion or a manner to justify the fact that a person doesn't want to be alone anymore.

    In fact, a lot of people say "I love you" in a so easy manner...:dry: The sentence "I love you" is as heavy as the sentence "I hate you".

    Not to mention when people mistake Love with Passion...:dry:

    Passion is only the body's wish. Love, instead, is devoutness, sacrifice, patience, maturity. It isn't only funny sex and a manner to be vain with others ("You see? I have a boy/girlfriend like my friends too!!111!!1" :tantrum:slight_smile:.


    I know that when I find a person to stay with, for that person this is only a way not to be alone anymore and not a way to stay with me because she really loves me.
     
    #4 FireSmoke, Nov 20, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2014
  5. shinji

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    I didn't up until a few weeks ago, but now do believe in love. The reason for this is that i am in fact, in love with someone. It's very difficult to explain, if you haven't felt it. It's like, you hurt when the other person is hurting, you are excited when they are, happy when they talk to you, sad when they are not. Waiting all day, just for that one fraction of a moment, where you two can be together, thinking only of them, of what your future can be, etc...

    In conclusion, i did not believe in love, until it hit me with a shovel.

    It does indeed make people selfish, and a whole lot of other crappy stuff. Insecure, comes to mind, anxious, angry, jealous, etc... It's because "love" is such a strong emotion, that our brain stops functioning and we lose all rationality.
     
  6. duende84

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    I believe in love but I have not yet encountered true romantic love.
     
  7. thekillingmoon

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    It's real, but only some people can experience mutual love, others are just meant to walk through life alone. I was in love with someone non-mutually. It made me feel happy for a while and then very empty when I realized she'll never be with me.
     
  8. greatwhale

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    Love is a verb. Insofar as love is "romantic" it isn't true.

    Love is an intentional decision, yes, it requires; it demands vulnerability. No true connection with anyone can happen without it.

    Love is knowing the object of your love, really knowing the person, seeing the good in that person, and loving that.

    I have had the privilege of having three children, each one was a lesson in love.

    The verb "to love" is simply this: caring for the other, respecting who he is and respecting who he wants to become, responding to him when he wants to share something with you, and above all, knowing him, which can take a lifetime...

    This was discussed in a thread I started back in January...and this more recent thread applies as well.
     
  9. OGS

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    Yes, I absolutely believe in love. My partner and I have been together for 17 years and we just get more and more in love with each passing day. We've seen each other through some wonderful stuff and some awful stuff and I can't imagine my life without him. I know a lot of people who are truly, deeply in love. I've never quite understood this whole notion people have that because they haven't found it (yet) that it's not real. I've never been to France but I know quite a few people who have--I'm pretty sure it's out there.
     
  10. Quem

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    The same as OGS, I absolutely believe in love as well, as I've experienced it and I still do. =)

    I had quite some failed relationships (with girls only), due to a lack of interest from me to make it work. I could have tried harder, but I just thought "it's nice, but that's all". If I'm completely honest, I thought that the people who said true love existed, were actually exaggerating or lying. Because I thought I had been in love, and hearing "overwhelming" stories felt so unreal to me.

    However, a few months ago, I met the love of my life on EC (Kabuki). At a certain point, I started to have feelings for him (it happened very soon, but I dismissed it as being untrue). I thought a lot about him, his words made me smile a lot. One day, he told me he had feelings for me. It was such a huge relief that I was not the only one, that I was not making it up. And now we are together, for almost 2 months (a long distance relationship for now). We Skype a lot. Everytime I see him, I smile. Just being with him is all I want. He made me realise that all of my previous "relationships" were absolutely nothing. He is the love of my life, and I wish to be with him as soon as I can. :icon_bigg

    Telling him "I love you" is not just something. I really mean it when I say it, and he knows it. =) Him telling that he loves me really warms my heart. Not Skyping with him for some days makes me feel sad and annoyed. I feel I need to see him.

    So, in short, I used to think that true love was a hopeless fantasy, but boy I was wrong. It's definitely true, for us. But I think you genuinely feel that way when you have experienced it. (*hug*)
     
  11. ForNarnia

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    I'm philophobic, so love really isn't my thing :/
     
  12. Phalange

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    I believe in love. However, love isn't always beautiful. Love spares no one.

    When my parents divorced I kind of stopped believing in love. Both my parents and their parents (=my grandparents) have all divorced, so I sort of began thinking it must run in the family. (?)

    I have since then started to believe in love again, mostly through seeing happy couples.
     
  13. GCLW

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    It's weird how you said it runs in the family, because on my mother's side, everyone has been divorced. Like 5 girls and 2 boys: all divorced at least once (one girl is still single though). But yeah, weird. Probably growing up in the same household with a certain subconscious thought to divorce when they grow up....Or they're all not the smartest in choosing their partners....

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:23 PM ----------

    Same :/

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:24 PM ----------

    Ngawww, that's cool: I hope the best for you guys for the future =)

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:25 PM ----------

    That's awesome: got any advice for people out there who want to be happy like you guys?

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:26 PM ----------

    Wow, three kids, I cannot see myself having any at this point. That might change, you never know
     
  14. Kriskluwe

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    I say hit it and bail....I don't wanna be caught up in some other persons mess or dick moves( again) . I like to learn from my mistakes , and those of others . we're too young to "get" love< Rationalize it all you want . It's still a factoid.
     
  15. Fallingdown7

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    Love does exist; we love our friends and family do we not? We would do anything for them, correct? Well romantic love is the same as platonic love; just with added passion.

    Infatuation and lust are not love but are commonly mistaken for it. Love is actually knowing who a person is and having a bond with them past selfishness. Although I've never been 'in romantic love', I love my friends and family dearly and would die for them; so to say it doesn't exist is absurd to me.

    Yes relationships often don't last, but I don't think that's reason to give up or to not believe in love. As an example, I had a really close friend for 8 years until we had a fight and it was over. Yes, I only liked her in a platonic way, but despite the fact that our friendship was over, there was still love involved. Friendships don't work out either, so I don't understand why people give up on relationships for similar reasons.
     
  16. GCLW

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    I guess we can always think of how many people there are in the world, how many ladies (in your case), how many you would find attractive, and how many would be around you. I guess we're gonna have to keep looking (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:29 PM ----------

    Keep looking, aye?

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:30 PM ----------

    Oh love, you're so cruel yet so enchanting

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:31 PM ----------

    There are a lot of people (people I know) who say those words way too quickly....annoying sometimes....

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:32 PM ----------

    I guess it would be worth it to hope for some people, maybe not everyone though....

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:33 PM ----------

    I guess I'm just looking for something to fill the emptiness that comes with life sometimes.....

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:35 PM ----------

    Isn't learning from your mistake meaning learning to choose people more rationally, or is it learning to not love at all?

    ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 04:36 PM ----------

    I guess I kinda see romantic love as a kind of love beside platonic love, not like adding passion to platonic love, but I see your point of view
     
  17. kageshiro

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    Love is possible, it's irrational and it can sometimes be destructive. I think the latter happens mostly when 2 people who aren't honestly in love, pretend they are. But love is a complicated feeling and impossible to truly define, so it can be hard to tell when this is and isnt the case..

    My way of dealing with love is trying my best to apply rationality before my feelings overcome my better judgement. I'm a strongly emotional person so this doesn't always work, but I still want to do everything I possibly can to make sure I fall in love with the right person.

    Oh and unrequited love fucking blows, hugs for anyone who's in that spot right now.
     
  18. OGS

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    Wow I would really like to respond to this but I'm getting ready for work and my partner just said breakfast is ready. I get this question a lot actually in real life--surprisingly from a lot of straight people too--and I actually sort of have a response, which boils down to 1) stop looking 2) go where the boys/men/girls/women are and 3) be fearless. I'll flesh it out when I get home from work. Keep the faith!
     
  19. Kaiser

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    If you looked at my life, you'd say, "There is little to no love, to be found here.", because it was not very often expressed; at least not in notable ways. Sure, I was never physically beaten or sexually abused, and I had clothes and food, but I was unclothed of affection and starved of appreciation.

    Many people will say "I love you", jokingly, or as a way of expressing favoritism, or appreciation for something somebody did or said. I never really heard that, early on in my life, for a few reasons. It was rather crushing, to overhear such remarks, knowing, they were not aimed at you. It probably cemented me, on the path I walked, for quite a number of years of my life.

    Even today, I'm still reluctant about love, when it pertains to myself. I believe it does exist; obviously, you can find happy and healthy couples, together, and enjoying themselves. You'll also find the dysfunctional and broken couples, barely hanging on, or already broken up, too. Too many focus exclusively on the latter.

    But when it comes to me, directly. I often feel unlovable. Sure, it's easier, with a community like EC, but there is just something about me... that won't let people get too close. I've been admired, I've been respected, I've even been used as a comparison a time or two, but not a single time, can I really recall, ever feeling loved. I've been thanked and told, I am appreciated, but it seems like protocol. The nominal amount of times, where it was genuine, are practically social deficiency.

    It's rather hard to think you can be valued, when your parents, a supposed guaranteed source of love, failed to even really instill that into you...

    "Kaiser, that sounds depressing! Cut it out, or I'm back handing the shit out of you!"

    Right, right.

    There is a double-edged sword, here. Because of the rarity of love in my life, I'm less likely to take it for granted. I'm humbled by it. But, also, because of the rarity of love in my life, I am also setting myself up for failure. I want to be loved, because it's one of the few things, I can't will or force upon people, as well as being, a bridge I must cross. If I can find just one person, who can cherish me, I can rest easy, knowing, that I'm meant to linger around.

    I want to be loved, not needed -- which is what tends to happen instead. People can love what I provide for them, but as for myself, well, it's a different story. Too many mistake any feelings for my services as being for me, and they usually have to be reminded of this.

    The most positive aspect, that I can provide, is this:

    I know how it feels, to wake up, each and every day, and not have somebody eagerly awaiting you -- the way you wake up, the smile you inspire upon others when they see you, the bodily warmth you provide with a hug, and so on and so forth. I know how it is to be emotionally numb, to detest the world and wish upon it eternal flames, and to only be acknowledged for your attributes or skills. Never what you feel, only what you provide...

    Because of this, I know how absolutely essential it is, to speak to people in a genuine and humanly manner. Because of this, I know how absolutely beneficial it is, to provide unto the world, that which you yourself lack, because it hurts so much... and it breaks off a piece of you, each and every day, not having this... and it is the only way, you'll ever experience the expression or exchange of love, by giving what you may not ever receive... just so another, can keep themselves together.

    Love is a spectrum. Some romanticize it, others idealize it, and some keep it simplistic. It is what you want it to be, even though most will agree, on common characteristics, such as kindness, understanding, and honesty. Beyond those, it is whatever you want it to be... cuddling together while watching a movie... backpacking together across the mountains... eating a fancy meal together... or buying one another candy bars, to sneak into one another's coat pockets...

    Love is simply providing a soothing calm in a world of sporadic spitefulness, and generating a comforting warmth in a world of harsh indifference.




    Fuck... I opened up, more than I intended to... somebody shoot me, LOL!
     
  20. resu

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    Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.