Hey friends! My therapist is out of town and in Pakistan currently so I figured I'd get some help from here I have a mental disorder that is OCD, I'm not going to share my "theme" but I fixiate a lot on physical sensations and emotions. Currently I have a girlfriend and we are in a LDR, and I love her very much, she's everything to me and I've never been this in love with anyone before. I've never been kissed before and I've heard of people feelings "sparks" and fireworks and good feelings when kissing and being physically affectionate with their partner and I keep getting bad OCD thoughts telling me what if I feel nothing when my gf and I kiss? And basically I have been overanalyzing and freaking out like crazy, I'm so scared I wanna feel great when my girlfriend kisses me and so I'm just scared cause I don't wan our relationship to suck because of a lack of some feeling? I know I should probably ask this on an OCD forum but I just want advice from non-OCD people to see how regular people would react to a thought like this! Thanks for the help!
Well.. I don't normally give out any relationship advice. I'm not going to pretend like I know what OCD is like, I honestly don't know so please forgive me if I'm being insensitive. On a personal level, I too believed that you needed to feel a certain spark when kissing someone you loved. I wouldn't describe it as a spark, really.. It's a little different than described but you definitely feel something and a good something, just a different something. With that being said, because you're a bit inexperienced with kissing, it may not be the best but the more you kiss, the better you'll be at it. Don't think about leaving over a kiss. It's not worth it. Instead, just take your time and within that time, you'll find that you've gotten better.
Don't think too much about it. Having unrealistically high expectations leads to disappointment, having low expectations on the other hand tends to have the reverse effect, but not always. First kisses are overrated (note, never kissed, basing my opinion on psych knowledge combined with what i know from friends). They are never as great as you might think. Both parties are nervous, they both have high expectations and usually mess up and you are left with this weird, awkward kiss that is nothing even close to what you imagined. For a real kiss, both parties need to be comfortable with one another, in a relaxed setting, where you can let your feelings run freely. When you aren't pressured by the moment, by the idea that you "must" kiss to see if things will work out.
I'm never felt sparks or fireworks but I've been in 2 relationships, both times in love. My first bf and I were together 3.5 years, my current relationship has lasted almost 3 years so far. I have no idea how many people I've kissed, no sparks. But, that doesn't mean they were bad kisses or I don't like kissing. I love kissing. But it is generally true that first time anything is super weird and ackward. Most likely you'll be thinking too much as it is to enjoy the first few kisses, even without OCD. Don't worry about it, just enjoy your relationship!
I sometimes have symptoms of OCD, maybe why I'm so into art, and what I would suggest is avoid fixating on someone. Try to force yourself to allot your time to mutliple people, including friends and family, so you don't smother one person. You need to feel comfortable with yourself so that you don't think you have to "prove" your love to your girlfriend. Try writing or drawing or making music to release some of your pent up energy. Don't worry about kissing. I am probably 10 years older than you, and I still have not kissed anyone romantically, so you're already more experienced than me on the subject, lol.
i have no idea what it's like to have a physical-type of OCD. although i'm not medically diagnosed with OCD, i have a lot of "OCD like" habits about a lot of random little things. so i understand the whole mindset of wanting something to be perfectly the way you want it. but you're only half of the party involved with the kiss, so if possible, set the disorder aside and let the kiss happen. if you personally can't stand the way someone is with you physically, it's probably time for a different relationship. which is typically why i don't do LDR and i advise people to stay away from them. anyone can be perfect via texting, phone calls, emotionally, mentally..... but if you can't handle them physically, it isn't worth anything.
I'm going to make this simple. First: Sorry, I'm not a non-OCD person. I, unfortunately, have this piece of shit illness, too. Second, my advice: It sucks to be so paranoid because of that disorder, but even if it makes you scared, you have to keep in mind that it's just fear. You have to believe that whatever you think or feel at the moment because of that disorder, won't change the beautiful reality with your girlfriend. The disorder amplifies our stress, thus making us worry more than normal. It's not that much because of an actual risk of not feeling anything during a kiss, it's the frightening paranoia you get, which is strengthened by the OCD. I can't cure you, nor you can cure me, but I'm sure as hell gonna give you an advice to go through those hard periods a little easier. Whatever fear strikes you down and paralyzes you and your thoughts, just remember that it's fear, not reality. Whatever horrible scenes play in your mind, realize that it's not happening, it's just your OCD trying to poison your heart. I believe in your strength! Be strong, okay? Don't let the disorder beat you.
