Being hit on by a straight friend... who just wants to see how it feels?

This happened to me not too long ago before I started my last relationship, I was single at the time and I went on holiday with one of my good friends who was married to a guy, it was just the two of us and it was just going to be a girly week in the sun to relax and recharge the ol batteries. Her other half paid for her to go and there were no issues.

She is a very tacile girl (as am I) and we would often cuddle watching telly or something but strictly nothing else ever happened and it was never anything remotely sexual. She knew I was gay and although we had talked a little about it she never ever mentioned anything about wanting to try and or ever asked what it was like making love to another girl.

Anyway, on the 2nd night of the holiday we had finished dinner and were sat in a quiet little Spanish bar listening to a live band and drinking cocktails - we weren't smashed but we were definately a little merry. She started asking about what its like having sex with another woman and started to go into real detail... she also knows about my shoe fetish and love of footsie and began deliberately playing footsie with me, she had some beautiful leather boots on and knew that I really liked them.

I told her that it would be an horrendous idea and that there was no way I would risk our friendship, she stopped but said that by the end of the week it was going to happen, she was overly cuddly the whole rest of the week, constantly tried to play footsie and every night tried it on. Sure enough two nights before leaving after having a particularly drunken night I gave in and we did the deed. Truth be known she was bloody amazing and we had some of the best sex I'd had for a long time. The morning after I was so nervous that things were going to go horribly wrong but she was so cool about it, and has been absolutely fine ever since. We still talk about it every now and then but she is adamant that it is something she wanted to do and loved the fact that she got to do it with me... one of her best friends, there was no love in involved and it was one of those passion/lust experiences.

Be interested to hear of anyone else's experiences of this...

 

I'm glad things worked out for you in the end.

My personal opinion on this however, is that if a friend of mine decided to "experiment" with me, i'd cut off the relationship right that instant. Because the moment they even think, that they can do this to me, is the moment i realize that they don't truly value our friendship or my feelings.

I'm not implying that this is the case with you and your friend, just sharing my thoughts on the matter. She practically used you, disregarding your feelings, for her personal gain. The fact that she is okay with it all, and acting like nothing happened, is confusing me. Did she not consider that deeper feelings might form, didn't you?

 

Well actually my best friend (my only friend aside from my girlfriend) recently told me she wanted to have sex with me. Not in a lover type of way, she just wanted to try it. She is straight and she knows I have a girlfriend. I told her that I would like to please her, but that I loved my GF very much and couldn't betray her. She hasn't mentioned it since. She said she understood but I think she's pissed at me. Ugh.

 

When she explained what she wanted, did you feel you were being used a little, I did.

I wasnt pissed with my friend I was just really nervous we would fall out. I said what about her husband and she said it was totally different and wasn't going to be anything that would come between him and her. I suppose it is totally different when you already have a girfriend, I could not have done it if I had not been single at the time too.

 

Yeah, honestly. I was pissed off. I thought she was trying to use me and not caring out my girlfriend. I love her a lot, and I've told her, she just doesn't seem to care. She just wants me. I don't know what to do, actually. I don't want to lose our friendship. But I'm certainly NOT going to lose my girlfriend!

 

Well my best friend is straight, and not the summer that just passed but the summer before that she admitted to having feelings for me, she said I made her think about her sexuality. Anyway last year's Halloween party she sat on my lap and took my hand and moved it down her body between her legs and other people were there.. there were a lot of other times where things happened. One night we were at our friends drinking and we ended up in some room by ourselves there was a mattress on the floor and she pushed me on it.. got on top of me and started making out with me and touching me. Too many nights to count probably lol, I mean she gets naked in front of me, takes a bath while I'm at her house and says I can sit and watch. With all of this happening I found out I have a lot of self control, but it's so damn tempting haha. However I never initiated anything and a lot of times I tried to move away from the situation, because I was seeing this girl and wanted her not my best friend. I know my best friend would have sex with me and she is attractive, I just don't think I ever would though.

 

My best friend keeps telling she wants to go to bed with me, and she's straight. She has a boyfriend too. Although, I don't think I could cross that line because I feel like everything would change in certain ways afterwards and I wouldn't like that. Of course I don't know how it would change, whether for better or worse but I just the way things are now.

 

The close thing to this was a straight woman told me she wants me to turn her into a lesbian.
That girl did have a nice ass Nicki Minja has nothing on her.:lol:
That girl chased me all over that bar

 

I'm glad this at least worked out in the end. I don't think I'd have the courage to give in to any straight girls because I'd feel as if I were being used.

 

Same here I usually ignore them when they start with the let's experiment stuff. Only time I would do that is if I'm just looking for a fuck from a major dry spell and their aren't any lesbians and bisexual women around.

 

I' m confused with the term 'being used'. I thought it was when someone manipulated you, or lied to you in order to get what they really want(sex) while pretending to want something else (relationship, friendship).

In the cases you mentioned, they didn't lied, they just got curious, and told you clearly what they wanted. Of course, its risky, as some feelings might develop. But still there seem as if the definition of what 'being used' means, varies from a person to the other. I mean, althought i wouldn't take the initiative, f a female friend told me, 'hey, lets experiment, nothing serious' i first would ask, 'are you sure you won't develop feelings?' And then, depending on the response, i would accept her offer. On the other hand, if someone suddenly made a sexual advance without explaining her intentions, confusing me in the process, then i would consider that being used.

So, how would you define in your own words and terms, at with point is 'being used' and at with point no?

I think this is important to discuss, as we don't want to make someone feel like they are being used, so its important to establish a pattern here.

 

Are you asking both of us?

 

You were chased by someone with as nice ass, wanting to have sex with you, around a bar...you poor thing. :lol:

 

I don't do turnings:tantrum:

Plus I never had sex with another woman before , I would at least want my first time with a woman who can return the feelings not use me as an experiment , I 'd like to cuddle after sex .:icon_redf

She has a great ass though I still like her ass . she told me to squeeze it and i did , I liked it she was go ahead squeeze my ass . I was like okay it felt good .
she kept asking me to turn her though .

 

I see what you mean, but as I said everything was very upfront, she never deceived me or tried to make out she had feelings for me, just simply that she wanted to see how it felt, most of all she wanted to do lots of kissing to find out how that felt & I have to say straight from the off she was an amazing kisser. There was absolutely no 'using' or 'feelings hurt' as I said we both knew where we stood, I think she's gorgeous but would never consider a relationship with her - she is too much of a girly girl for me & definately doesn't like getting her legs muddy on a mountain bike so I had no concerns that I'd fall in love or anything. The only concern for me was that I might lose her as a friend, which has definately not happened, if anything we are even closer but again we talked this over beforehand too which helped.

 

for those of you have hooked up with a straight friend, has it happened more than once? and if it has, do you still consider them straight?
…just getting confused at how supposedly straight girls would like to have sex with another girl

 

I kind of agree with you here... I mean, if it's just something they do a couple of times to try it out and ultimately decide it's not their thing, then I could see how they're still straight. But if it's more than that, then I would consider them bisexual. I think a lot of people have problems with the bisexual label, so they just come up with any sort of excuse not to call it that... Things like "Oh, I'm just sleeping with these girls for fun, I'd never want an actual relationship with them, so I'm still straight." Granted, people do have the right to identify however they want, and maybe my perception is skewed because I have trouble not connecting sex with any sort of romantic/emotional feelings.

Personally, as a bisexual woman, I agree that I don't think I'd ever want to have sex with any woman that called herself straight... Bi, pan, lesbian, bicurious/questioning, undecided, fluid... any of those are fine. But the types that are all "Oh, I'm totally straight, I just wanna try sleeping with you for shits and giggles?" No way.

For one, what does it really mean that she's "straight" but wants to sleep with me? It suggests to me that ultimately, sleeping with me means nothing to her, that she's doing it just so she has something to brag about or impress guys with. Or that she has a poor understanding of sexuality and doesn't understand what "straight" even means.

Also, I admit I have a sort of bias towards these types of girls, and perhaps that's wrong of me, but it bothers me because I feel like it perpetuates the societal and media stereotypes of bisexual and gay women. Where women being with other women means nothing or is only done to please straight men, that it's just something "straight" women do for shits and giggles before going back to boys. Maybe I'm too sensitive but that's how it makes me feel.

 

I agree with you turtlecat. I think these girls are just in denial, or they -are- straight, but lesbians are just trophies for them to use to impress men. Which pisses me off.

 

This is why I ignore them when they start with their crap about how they want to try lesbian sex , I can understand if a straight girl genuinely liked me , and wanted to sleep with me but to use me to impress men or just to tell your boyfriend you slept with a chick is an insult to me . There's nothing wrong with being curious but I'm sure as hell not being your lab experiment and your sex toy you use to spice up your boring sex life . :tantrum:

 

I 100% agree with you, turtlecat, and something in our society needs to shift for women's sexuality to be acknowledged as legitimate, especially if it goes against normative ideals. You're not too sensitive about it! It's something I have a problem with too, and it's part of the equation that eventually led to my acceptance of my own bisexuality, but that's a completely different story than this thread follows.