I am a lesbian from China, I am so fucking tired of this world with all kinds of idiots and stupid persons aound me all the time, am I destined to be lonely, how can I get away?
You wont be lonely all your life (*hug*) Just find something that you like and work on your craft with it. A little thing i like to say about love is " you cant find love, love will find you"
Oh it's not about the relationships, that's nobody even a little bit like me through all those 33 years which makes me reaaaally frustrated....i wanna be unique, different, and I did it ended up living alone with a dead heart... I think maybe I don't belong to this world... I need to leave....Any advice how to do it?
You won't always be lonely. You will find people who you'll feel comfortable surrounding yourself with. A little time away is good but spending time with those you love is even better. Just take it one step at a time, find things that make you relaxed like reading a good book in a quiet area or listening to music just before falling asleep.
Xeezel, I have two bits of wisdom for you from the Osho Zen tarot deck. The first deals with loneliness: When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely--and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other. Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other was there--your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other was there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody. The other deals with belonging to this world: You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That's what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth--everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you. This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions. When a person is as unhappy with the world as you sound (and I speak from experience here), they are really unhappy with one or more aspects of themselves. The solution is always to change your relationship to the problem. It sounds like you enjoy being unique...that is a start. Now learn to find your specific uniquenesses not just cool...but beautiful, and essential to the world...because they are. Learn to revel in how worthwhile and lovely you are. Then as Osho says, you'll not *need* another...but ironically, it is this state that is necessary for "the other" to find you. Hearts do not die...but they do go to sleep from disuse. You need to wake that sleeping heart. And the way to do that is initially aim it at yourself.
