PDA while you're not out yet?

[McBenz]

so i've known i've been bi for about 4 years and just recently really accepted myself and started coming out to some very close friends...so i have a few questions.

1) i just got a girlfriend and i really like her. when i see her i get butterflies and i start sweatin i feel like a teenage boy. but yeah sometime i wish i could just go up to her in the hallway and give her a big kiss...cause she is pretty and she makes me smile.

2) i am on the field hockey team for my high school and i love all my teammates. but i realize that they are my teammates and i have respected that and i don't see any of them as a possible date or whatever. i see them changin in the locker room and i don't think anything of it

the only problem is, is that they wouldn't understand if they knew i was gay. they would think that i got off on watchin them change or somethin. if it wasn't for my team i would be perfectly fine with coming out. i couldn't care less what people say!

3) today i was waitin for practice to start and i was thinkin about Alex (my GF) and i was imagining us together alone making out lol. and my friend came over and saw me kinda smirkin and asked if i was thinkin about a new boyfriend. i said "not exactly..." she was like girlfriend (i think half jokingly) i just kinda laughed and said somethin that sounded like "no"

so she told me that she would except me for who i was or whatever. she told me her best friend was gay she wouldn't care if her little sis was too (she is like an older sister to me). i said i know and just got in cage and started warmin up to change the topic. i go to her for a lot of things

i kinda wanna tell her cause i know she would be cool with it and she isn't stupid like the other players.

i also wanna know what i can do on a daily basis to show Alex that i like her ALOT, but not be obvious. even though i think a lot of people suspect me lol.

i really appreciate it guys

[shakerdancee]

1. it feels amazing... half the people who see think it's adorable and half think it's fuckin gross.

the rest: do it, no problem. :3

[McBenz]

well yeah but i can't really do it in public cause of the whole field hockey thing

[Derek the Wolf]

Well there's 1 PDA you can get away without beins suspected in terms of orientation. Hugs! They're perfect for everything. I know it isn't the same thing, but you can do it anywhere, in any context, with no problem. Otherwise, if you're not ready to come out, you'll have to stick to imagination and private affection.

[McBenz]

cool thanx!! hug are good and private affection is always fun

Hey there!!

Well.. I play on teams both inside and outside of school, and in both cases none of them know I'm gay so I'm sort of in the same boat! With the team outside of school there are quite a few other gay players and although jokes are made, there isn't really any homophobia, everyone just gets along really well. None of them are exactly "possibilites," I don't see them in that way at all, and at the end of the day its sport, nothing else. I sort of find it a little wierd not being out but as I'm not the only one I have stopped worrying quite as much.

School on the other hand is VERY different. The people at school are very closed minded and I can't really see telling any of them for a while. It is really awkward here as I sometimes end up getting shown things that, if they knew I was gay, would end up looking bad. What I mean is I get asked things like - if I like someone's new bra, look how big they look... sort of comments. I don't ask for this - it just happens and as they think I'm straight it's ok. If they knew I was gay however, despite the fact they asked me and drew attention to it themselves it would probably become my fault and I would be doing something wrong etc. So I just try to stay out of the way as much as possible. Again, I know nothing will ever happen with any of them, they are straight, thats fine, I'm not going to try and turn them or anything!! But they are homophobic and actually coming out while doing so much sport really scares me as people have some WIERD misconceptions.

If your mate is cool with it then tell her. You will probably feel better for it and I'm sure if you explain she won't tell the other people on your team if you don't want her to!

As for the PDA thing, hugs are always good, just wait until private for the rest. I know it's not ideal but until you feel comfortable with telling everyone it might just have to do hope this helps a little!

[McBenz]

thanx a bunch! yeah it helps! my GF isn't out either cause her parents would basically disown her. i think people already suspect me so it wouldn't be a huge surprise but still i cant handle that stress right now

[pianomike]

if this other person who you said was like a big sister to you, said "so she told me that she would except me for who i was or whatever." then i think that she already knows.
just a thought

[McBenz]

pianomike you are probably right...didn't think about that though. if anyone really cared to pay attention it is kinda obvious but whatever. she very well could know or suspect already