So recently me an my other half got a house together. We've lived together for almost a year and decided to upgrade our rather pokey flat. It was all going well until this last month or so until we hit a bit of a rough patch. Now, we both work full time, we're always tired and stressed and we only really see each other for a few hours in the evening and at weekends. But recently we've started arguing and we've been irritable with each other. Not a week goes by where we don't have some sort of blip. Now these things are minor to begin with but they seem to escalate and turn into bigger things. We always manage to get through them and we're back to normal soon enough but it's really beginning to bother me. This post comes after tonight's latest row, which he has fallen asleep on. I know, you should never go to sleep on an argument right? And now I'm feeling more frustrated than ever. So I guess what I was after here from you guys, is some sort to advice on the situation. I'm rubbish with words so I'm sorry if this makes no sense. But any sort of comment will be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance!
Hey Garch, I'm sorry to hear that. I can not speak about own experience when its about living with the one you love but I've been through this with my friends who have already done that big step. It is indeed hard at first and expect alot of confusion and arguments because you just started to live with each other, you are different persons, he might like the house in a way that you don't, he might want some privacy who knows, but this is a fact, when you first live with another person you have to be patient and understanding because you're starting something new! I'm pretty sure that if you love each other this is just a phase, you'll see it will get better, just be patient and talk to him, do not yell or turn it into an argument but instead try to calm him down and try to speak to him! You seem to be an understanding guy and friendly this should not be hard to you! If you need anything just speak up we're here for ya!
Tiredness is a very difficult thing to manage and it makes people really moody and irritable (I include myself in this). I have weeks when I am so tired I can hardly be bothered with anything and I have to dig really deep to avoid confrontation with my partner. I bite my tongue a lot because I know how I'm more likely to overreact to even the slightest criticism or comment. It's really silly and petty, but so hard to control. Often I just go to bed early and leave him with the dogs.. it's not good as you don't get to spend quality time with each other in the evening, but it's better than trying to force the issue and having a tetchy row with someone you love and care for. Not great advice I'm afraid, but I do understand. All I can say is dig deep and pause before you speak in the heat of the moment. It's not always easy. Make the most of the weekends when you are less tired and stressed.
Thank you guys for the advice! I'm always a little nervous about posting stuff like this here so it's great to get a response. You're both right, patience and holding back is key in this situation and it's something I'm still learning if I'm brutally honest. Often I say the wrong thing at the wrong time and it makes everything a whole lot worse. But it's something I'll definitely be working on. We really need to start making the most of our weekends. These past few months we've been obsessing over the house and spending all our time on that so it's kinda like we leave one job and move on to the next immediately. But we have more free time now to spend quality time with each other which is perfect in time for Christmas! I'm sure things will get better it's just been a pretty hectic few months! Thank you again!
Archi it is better to post stuff like this and share your problems with friends instead of over thinking them and make mountains of pebbles. Not only in romantic relationships like yours, every kind of relationships get shaken up by over working/tiredness and work place frustration. While we are usually careful and try to not mess home with work... in situations like yours being extremely tired could our reason and judgement and we snap the person we are closest and care most. Sometimes we better of with biting our lip instead of saying somethings we could regret later. Hugging instead of nagging can be a starting point. Take advantage of this coming Xmas break... hopefully you both have it... and talk this issue calmly and without blaming each other. Hope everything works out for you two.
My only point of reference comes from a 20-year straight marriage with someone who has some emotional issues, so take my thoughts for what they're worth. But as the sane one in the relationship (or at least I hope so!), I recognized that her rages and anger were often the product of tiredness or stress or sickness, and I could be difficult in my own way when I was having problems. I was really fine with accepting that. What I missed over those years was any indication that she knew it was affecting me and not just her. You seem like a thoughtful and caring guy, and if your guy is anything like you, he may have the same worries going on in his head. The stress and the overwork may not go away soon, and the quality time isn't going to magically appear out of nowhere. But acknowledging the situation, and that you accept some responsibility for it as well, goes a long way. A random hug and kiss now and then, and maybe say something like "I know things have been rough lately and I haven't been the easiest person to live with. Bear with me, because I love you through all of it, even if I'm overtired and stressed." No need to throw yourself under the bus for all of it, but admit your part of it, and even if he doesn't immediately pipe in with "Yeah, I've been a bitch too", he's likely thinking it. Communication is so important, and when things are busy and tense, you need to take an extra moment or two to make the words more important, and filter out any edge or resentment. Having missed out on that little bit of consideration for 20 years, I can tell you it goes a very long way. Good luck to you guys.
Guys, you're all so right. Communication is definitely key here and it's usually something we're both so good at however it may have been lacking somewhat recently. We're both as honest as we possibly can be with each other the rest of the time, it just seems that we've let the pressures of work get to us a little these past few weeks and after slight discussion this morning it's definitely something we're both willing to take the time to sort out. After all, in the words of Kelly Clarkson "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" so things are positive. Definitely not letting anything so minor break us down. Thank you to every one that has replied to this post. As I said before, I hate posting like this as I'm usually so positive about everything. However, in my moment of despair I needed impartial advice and this was the best place to come to! So thank you everyone!
The trouble with being the strong one is that no one knows when you're suffering. Thanks for sharing. I'm old enough to be your dad, but you're actually a few steps ahead of me in all this, so it's comforting to know that real people who are committed to each other can be adult enough to work through their rough patches. And overcome them too--I have no doubt about that. Not something that ever seemed to work out that way with my wife, but I have faith that when my guy and I hit snags, we'll be as determined to get past them as you are. Thanks for the inspiration.
