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Avoiding Society?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by twospiritlycan, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. Is it bad to completely shut yourself out from society and never socialize at all? Just to avoid anything negative someone says about everything.
     
  2. Yosia

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    I have been doing exactly that for the past 2 years, aside from socialising with my true friends, but if possible, i avoid everyone else.
     
  3. White Knight

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    I don't like mingle with people too much in real life. I don't play by society's rules and I am a loner naturally.

    In virtual reality like here and gaming, I can control how much I interact and can be myself so it is when I am my most social state.
     
  4. Argentwing

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    Yes. Negativity is no reason to deny yourself the positivity.

    If you actually prefer hermit-ness better (as I usually do) that's probably fine*. But the way you phrased the question made it seem like you are not happy with isolation.

    *I am much happier conversing over the internet and can express myself better, so I guess I like only very limited face-to-face interaction also.
     
  5. Aussie792

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    Extended periods of isolation can breed the most unhealthy thoughts. There's a massive risk of losing social skills and coming to regret hiding yourself away. Self-enforced seclusion may come back to bite you when you realise you threw away the opportunity to have proper friendships and relationships.

    And naturally, the physical toll of it can be bad; seclusion often results in less activity than one should be doing and what one would do with a more active social life.
     
  6. Hexagon

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    They say and think those negative things whether you're there or not. Realise that most of the time it isn't about you, but about themselves, their own insecurities and hatreds. So don't isolate yourself; find the right people.
     
  7. MyLittleWorld

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    You can avoid society's stupidity and still socialize. You shouldn't avoid negativity, life has ups and downs, black and white, personally, if life would be perfect it would be boring, you need just a little bit. I am really really sensitive person, and just one remark can make me cry for hours...and it's not over here, I repeat it in my head for about a week, and I can't forget it, it's toxic.

    You just have to understand who you are, and what you want. You shouldn't try to please everyone, just do you own thing.
     
  8. gayer axolotl

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    Completely avoiding is not good, I have done it before for almost 2 years and I not only never felt worse but also found it incredibly difficult to get back into socializing normally. It can be such a struggle to force yourself into society but I absolutely regretted secluding myself. Also no fun to explain the empty ~2 year gap on resumes :/

    I hope you feel better about the things that are making you want to seclude yourself =( The good kind people make it worthwhile to try getting out, as painful as it can be.
     
  9. happydavid

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    It's not the best thing to do but I can see why you would because it can be scary. I'm like that
     
  10. Austin

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    Is this a rhetorical question? I think we all already know the answer....
     
  11. kituwu1

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    This is how I feel about my own isolation. Thankfully my SO is helping me get out of my shell and his family and friends are all super nice, so its easy to lean into being comfortable around people. Soo thankful for that because I can feel it taking a bit of a toll on my mental health.
     
    #11 kituwu1, Dec 12, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2014
  12. Quiet Raven

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    Yes, exactly.

    It may be hard to find the right people. But I do suggest you try.
     
  13. TigerInATophat

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    All things in moderation. If you actually prefer being alone, then a lot of socialization will makes you miserable and/or stressed. That said, avoiding interaction COMPLETELY will cause problems later when you find yourself actually wanting to do something that requires you to not be rusty with social skills.

    Unfortunately balancing this requires a confidence many do not have or struggle to develop. The more you come into contact with people, the more socialization they will expect of you, and saying 'no thanks' to an activity you have no interest in will likely incur further pressure and/or being treated as if you are in the wrong simply for not being willing or able to participate. Likewise the more you retreat into solitude, the less oppourtunities you'll encounter to do things you do want.
     
  14. Kaiser

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    You can avoid society all you want, that's fine. But you can't complain about it, if you aren't out there, doing something.

    Sounds harsh, I know, but that's the harsh reality.

    Besides, you can avoid people, but you won't always be able to avoid society's reach. What do I mean? For one, money. If you don't have money, you're going to have a much harder time, living life. It shouldn't be like that, but that's how it is for now. To make money, you will have to mingle with others, and to keep what you have, you will have to pay others. If you want to eat, you'll have to go to a restaurant. If you want to buy a movie or video game, you'll have to go to a store. If you want to find a friend, you'll have to go to where people are. And so on and so on.

    Sure, the Internet can make it easier, and can even replace/provide some of the listed-above things, but unless you find a job utilizing the Internet, you'll be out and about in the world. It is possible to just be quiet and get through the day, but over a period of time, this will drive you mad. Your mind will be littered with such thoughts as:

    Why is everybody else doing things?
    Why can't I be accepted?
    Why does he/she always make him/her happy?
    Why am I the only one who isn't a part of ___?


    It's hard. It is, but you can pick and choose how you interact with others, how you decide to mingle with them.

    Here's a universally easy way to meet somebody:

    Go to a book store. Walk around, do whatever you want. At some point, survey the area and notice what is going on. Watch where people go, and if you see them in an area you like or are interested in, make your way over there.

    One of three things will happen:

    1| The individual will be happy to discuss similar interests. You have two things in common: books, and whatever subject-area they're in.

    2| The individual may be needing help, and if you know the area, you can help them. Now, you have books in common, whatever the subject-area is, and you have done them a kind deed. You not only have something in common, but you have a bond to work off of.

    3| The individual gets pissed for you bothering them. This is a very unlikely thing to happen, especially in a book store, though. If they get pissed, just walk away. No serious loss, and you can just repeat the process.

    If you don't feel you're able to connect with people, or perceive socializing as a problem, take a hard and honest look at yourself, get to know yourself, and plan around that knowledge. If what you do now isn't working for you, then tweak or change that, until it does work or is, at least, workable.

    Yes, it can be stressful. Yes, it can be difficult. And yes, it can even make you think or feel the worst things, but just tell yourself, "If I'm thinking/feeling this, that means somebody else is totally capable of thinking/feeling the same thing, and I'd feel better knowing, somebody understood that about me." or some variant of that, to calm and encourage yourself.

    Eventually, your decision to be isolated will come into conflict with your desire to be acknowledged, and that is not a pretty battle. You'll have to make choices then to depress the stress, and ultimately you'll have to choose one or the other. I would heavily advise that you make that choice, and not have life force one out of you.

    Finally, remember this. All of us, to some degree, experience the temptation to withdraw from society. You aren't alone in that regard, and that should be a motivation for you, to go out and find others, who need the reminder: life is tough, but it doesn't have to always be.

    Bring to another, what you yourself would love to have brought to you.
     
  15. Candace

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    Yes, because shutting yourself out pretty much makes it impossible to make anything better. There are probably some people out there who share the same ideals as you do, yet you'd never know that if you were to just shut yourself off from the world. Not everyone in society is bad and when you shut yourself off from the world, you basically throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
     
  16. I have been trying the past few months to be social, and it is difficult. I felt improvement in the past year and I'm still managing to be okay with myself. The most difficult thing though is this town I live at. From your post, I try to be social and start a conversation, but #3 is always the most common thing to happen here. I don't know why it happens, even among the LGBT folk here it's difficult because they have the same response as everyone else. No one here wants to friendly, and a lot of my old friends I had from high school are just terrible even when they're joking around anout things.

    Online has been helping a lot, but it feels as though I'll never really see actual nice human beings in life anymore. The only friends I can ever call real friends live in different states now, since I moved back home and they moved elsewhere.
     
  17. mobrien1993

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    I wouldn't say it's too healthy...however keep in mind that answer is coming from someone who is 21 works from home and rarely goes out....but it's nice to go out and get some fresh air sometimes everyone is going to have an opinion about you whether it's good or bad
     
  18. XenaxGabby

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    I do hang out with a few people but we're not close. I just haven't met MY people yet. The fact that I'm closeted is another reason. Less people around, less chance someone wonders about me.
     
  19. Fallingdown7

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    I mostly do this, but I also don't refuse some social contact. I do have friends that I trust and can talk to. Otherwise socializing isn't worth it, in my opinion.
     
  20. YuriBunny

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    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
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    I avoid being social, mainly because I don't know how to be. Talking to people face-to-face makes me terribly nervous and uncomfortable. Sometimes I become anxious enough that the conversation makes me cry, whatever the topic.

    It's not really a good thing to avoid society because it makes interaction difficult. I can't make friends easily and people avoid talking to me because I always seem so uneasy speaking to others. The more you distance yourself the harder it will become for you to be social when the situation calls for it.