Last night was the staff Xmas party. Of course, I ended up so drunk, I was EXTREMELY rude to the manager, assistant manage and basically everyone else!!!! Called them f*cking idiots, and every name under the sun. SO mortified!!! What would you do if you were in my shoes?!?!?!
This really is intended to be supportive, but it may come across as a bit harsh. First, you should be prepared to not have a job, come Monday. Sorry, but there it is. A lot depends on your boss, your employer's business culture and HR policies, etc. You know what these are, we don't. Second, assuming you have the opportunity, you should send an email to your co-workers abjectly and profusely apologizing for your behavior and promising it will never happen again and that you will be seeking professional help for your drinking problem. Third, seek professional help for your drinking problem (or whatever is driving this behavior). Because, if you're engaging in this kind of behavior at a company function (and saying that 'of course' you are doing it, implying this isn't a new thing), then to me that strongly indicates there is some kind of problem going on here. Best of luck, Todd
You really need to hold fire here, it was a staff do - one night of drunken excess in no, way, shape or form equals a drinking problem. That is a kneejerk reaction and a daft one. Of course if there is a history of drunken issues/fallouts then yes there could be a problem - however this information is unknown. As you're from the UK like myself, Christmas parties usually end up with a drunken outburst. If they are grown up about it then hopefully they'll just see it for what it was. The advice about apologising is certainly a good one.
The only thing you can do is apologise formally and sincerely. It may not help, but it's worth a try. And personally, at least, I would phrase it in a way that suggests you accept responsibility. Say "I was drunk, but I know that doesn't excuse my behaviour", instead of, "I was drunk, I couldn't help it." Agreed.
Once again, cultural differences prove to be a deciding factor. Parties like these generally come with alcohol over here in Europe. They're -actually- meant to be fun and enjoyable for all, to bring a certain level of humanity to work you don't usually have in a very professional enviroment. You know nothing, 'Murica. Nothing of Europe at all. I support everything Gazwkd has said. Maybe try to be a little less judgemental next time?
How is thinking someone might have a drinking problem being judgmental? Thinking someone might have a drinking problem and then using that as a basis for thinking they are, or are not, a good person (in one fashion or another) is being judgmental since you're ascribing a value to a physiological condition when considering the character of the person. Simply thinking that a condition might exist is not. It's a fairly routine thing here for people to recommend that someone seek therapy for one issue or another. Is that also being judgmental or is that simply advising that they seek help with an issue, equivalent to recommending someone see a doctor for allergies or the like? Todd
You were making assumptions, and quite judgemental ones at that. You were implying that he HAS a drinking problem because of ONE post he made. If that isn't jumping to judgemental assumptions rather quickly, I don't know what is.
I completely agree with AKTodd. It doesn't matter where you are, getting ridiculously drunk with your co-workers (and, worse) your bosses... so drunk you made an ass of yourself... and treating it like it's a common occurrence (given the "of course") is not OK. It absolutely implies either a drinking problem, a lack of impulse control, incredibly poor judgment, a lack of professionalism, or some combination thereof. Furthermore, pointing out, in a polite way, that there may be an underlying issue that needs to be addressed isn't judgmental. It's making an observation. The fact that so many have jumped on the bandwagon to defend the OP is likely more an indication of people relating to the OP's experience and not wanting to hear what AKTodd had to say, because it may hit close to home. People have to take responsibility for their actions. If all of the defenses given were true -- that everyone in Europe gets rip-roaring drunk at parties, says whatever, and nobody says shit about it afterward -- then the OP would not be concerned about the aftermath of his actions. So clearly what he did was, at least in his work environment and according to the customs he's used to, inappropriate enough that he's asking for advice. I agree with AKTodd that sending a heartfelt apology for the behavior to all who witnessed it, AND acknowledging that the behavior was inappropriate and that the OP needs to take steps of some kind to ensure the behavior isn't repeated, is good, sensible, and appropriate advice.
I'll have to disagree here - Some of us may have simply been grown up in a much more tolerant and less strict enviroment. There -are- severe cultural differences. You can't ignore or downplay this. I have never been drunk at such a party, yet I see why people would/could. Obviously, an apology is in order, but implying that there might be a drinking problem involved solely due to one experience that was shared on here... that would offend me, if I were the OP. There is being read way too much into that single "of course".
So, several points here... First, if you look back at what I actually said in my post, I did indeed start by mentioning that the OP might have a drinking problem (since he was talking about getting drunk and didn't provide any information about what might have caused him to do that) but I also quite clearly stated 'or whatever is driving this behavior'. Meaning that I was rather clearly leaving open the possibility that there was something else at work in this situation. I suppose it is possible that the OP was using 'of course' more along the lines of 'I was running late to work and of course there was an accident on the freeway that morning' - meaning one of those accidents of bad luck or fate that can happen. Although this would imply that the OP has no control over the circumstances that led to his getting drunk. Which seems a bit of a stretch except under specific circumstances, most of which would generally be handled by recommending professional help... Second, as Chip points out, if the OPs behavior was no big deal, either within the context of his native/local/corporate culture or to him personally, it seems unlikely he would be posting here expressing distress and embarrassment about the behavior and asking what to do about it. While I have no doubt there are cultural differences between Europe and the US and between the various European states, it's not at all clear how the OP missed picking up those cultural norms while growing up where they are allegedly so common. I suppose it's possible that the OP comes from a part of the planet or culture where his behavior would be considered unacceptable and is now living in Britain/Europe, but if we're going to make that assumption, then it seems we're engaging in the same behavior I'm being yelled at for supposedly engaging in. I'm going to assume (Ha!) that you aren't attempting to argue that it's OK to make assumptions as long as they support your position...? Third, and just as an FYI, I actually grew up in an extremely relaxed and permissive environment (parents were 'children of the 60s' more or less) where I was explicitly told from my teens onward that if I wished to get drunk I was perfectly free to do so and that the necessary alcohol would be provided. But I had to be responsible about it. I don't remember if the same was said about drugs but since marijuana was grown in window boxes in the living room when my parents first married and I have clear memories of company smoking pot in the house at various times, in all likelihood I would have only needed to ask. Given that I didn't like the taste of alcohol and that pot smells like burning garbage to me, I never took my parents up on the offer. I freely admit that I really don't like drunkenness or drug use. I've had an extremely unpleasant experience as a child (8-10yrs old probably) involving a drunk patron in a bar kissing and hugging me and my eldest brother blew up his life and ultimately died as a result of alcohol and drugs. I also count among my friends at least one recovering alcoholic. He's been clean and sober for a very long time now, but we all know he can't have anything with alcohol in it. But even if he fell off the wagon tomorrow, I certainly wouldn't think less of him and my only concern would be to help him get back on and support him while he did so. Fourth - when you accuse me of being judgmental, and I ask you to justify that statement while explaining that, at least by my lights, I'm not...it does not help your position to essentially simply repeat your earlier accusation and nothing else. Finally, while we could no doubt run this around the mulberry bush for hours yet, I don't really see how any of that is either productive or helpful to the OP in any way. With that in mind, I'm going to go eat dinner and then find something more fun to do with my time. Peace, Todd
