So my partner and I went to look at the Christmas lights tonight. The zoo here in town (as opposed to the one in the suburbs) does a big Christmas light display for the month of December--they deck everything out in lights and play Christmas music. They do a really good job especially considering that they don't charge admission--lots of really innovative displays including out in the central area a huge area that was a moving light display that was timed to several Christmas carols (it was like the Bellagio fountains in Vegas but with just lights instead of water if that makes sense). Anyway, we strolled around hand in hand drinking hot chocolate and oohing and aahing over the lights. It was a beautiful evening. There were of course a lot of children there, but there were also a lot of gay guys--some groups and a lot of couples--like us, I suppose. I remember commenting on it to my partner who sort of vaguely nodded his agreement. When I commented that it just seemed like an odd demographic for an event--you know, all children and gay guys--he pretty much said "you're kidding, right?" He proceeded to say that he could have told me before we arrived that that was who would be there. He went on to assert that half of the events we went to were children and gay guys and predicted that the event we're attending on Tuesday would be more of the same. And then he said "really, any event in the city which is built around a... sense of wonder is going to be lousy with kids and gay guys." And you know it made me think, and he's right--it's happened over and over. And it made me feel so proud to belong to this community that has so consciously chosen joy, a community that respects and cultivates that sense of wonder. It also made me think about how fortunate I am to have made it to a time when all these gay couples could wander around hand in hand amongst all these little straight families, oohing and aahing and taking pictures and eating churros. And then it made me think of all the children there seeing all of this. It made me remember how when I was young and realized I might like guys I really thought I might literally be the only one. And even later when I realized there were more of us I remember thinking that my life with these other men would be like roaches, constantly scurrying for shelter when the lights came on. And I thought about how much seeing even one--let alone the thirty or forty we saw at the zoo tonight---of these couples of attractive happy young men holding hands, laughing and drinking hot chocolate would have totally changed my vision as a child of what my life could be like. And then, as if in response to my own internal revery, I overheard the most amazing thing. I overheard a mother talking to her child. I did not hear the child's question, but I can guess from the response what the question must have been. I don't honestly know if it was asked about my partner and me or one of the other couples and my guess is it was not a question she anticipated fielding that night at the zoo. But still her response was matter of fact and casual. What I overheard this mother say to her son was: "weelll, (pause to collect her thoughts) when boys get older a lot of them start to like girls in a special way, like Mommy and Daddy, and some of them, well some of them like other boys that way. And that's OK too." That was it, and then they went off to see the penguin lights. It was a beautiful evening.
This is what i want in my life. A guy i can go out with and feel like i really have someone in my life to feel thankful of other than my blood family
I wish my mother and father could read this. She thinks that any affection between a potential partner and me amongst straight people would cause the world to end. I just came out on FB, and she and my father are the only ones not taking it well, or at least voicing their opinion.
Must've been a nice sight I suppose; almost seems a bit...mythical. Well family can feel like the most distant of people, so... :\
Beautiful OGS! There is a saying in French: "Le Bonheur se raconte mal" roughly translated as "happiness is not easy to relate" and yet here you are telling us about happiness in a most beautiful way. You're absolutely right about the need for joy and wonder to be cultivated, without them, faith is impossible, without a perception of the absolute wonder of things, real science is impossible. Wonder connects us to reality on another plane of experience... But why us? We're just people who stand together to affirm our sexual orientation and yet we are so involved in beautiful things, and bringing joy to others. Why is that? A cynic could point out that LGBT folk generally don't have kids, so they have more disposable income and more time. This may be true, but why the arts? Another cynic could point out that plenty of gay guys will take all that time and money and splurge on hedonistic endeavours. I think that both cynics have, to a certain extent, a point. But I think it goes deeper than that. I think that LBGT folk are generally more in touch with the world of feeling...we seem to be more aware of the things that move us, call it a sensitivity if you will, but it's there and it's a fascinating phenomenon.