What should i do? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

hoping · 16th Oct 2008, 04:09 AM

The guy i like, Ryan he said that he has bought me somethng and then he said today he was going to buy me something but forgot and then when i told him i bought him something he was okay but then he said that i shouldnt buy him anything, but now hes saying about he might take me away for a weekend or something to this vineyard that is really expensive and i know it sounds weird but im just uncomfortable with it guess.
I have never really had this before, never really had someone who wanted to do this but also i don't like the fact that he says i cant buy him stuff but he can buy me stuff
Also i have always found it diificult to accept things from people i guess it might be too much pride but i dunno i guess i feel guilty at the same time for some reason.
But what should i do, i dont want to be given all this stuff and taken to these places and not do anything for him, i dont want to live like that.

Level N Human · 16th Oct 2008, 04:19 AM

Then give him a little something meaningful! He can't NOT accept your gifts. He's probably just being humble so he doesn't want you getting him nice things. (But if you want to; do it! A gift never hurt anyone has it?)

If you're uncomfortable with him lavishing you in expensive things; maybe you can suggest something more laid back, like a picnic somewhere and explain to him that you want to take things casually first. Let him know that your affection doesn't require a lot of material maintenance.

Louise · 17th Oct 2008, 03:07 AM

You need to be very clear with him the ground rules of your relationship. If he can give gifts then so can you, if he can organise trips away or treats, then so can you.

If someone gives you something and you can't return the favor then that puts you in the position of owing them something which is never a nice feeling. Talk with Ryan and let him know how you are feeling and tell him that if you go away for the week end you want to pay your share or be allowed to take him somewhere the next time.

Fiorino · 17th Oct 2008, 04:28 AM

^^^

I agree with them.
And-it sounds like he likes you

.

Paralyzer · 17th Oct 2008, 11:35 AM

omg, forget what he says and give him something. just ignore it when he says not to. relationships work best when the people stand side by side rather than one in front of the other.

sdc91 · 17th Oct 2008, 11:59 AM

Haha, watch Queer as Folk season 1 to learn how to handle this.

Make sure he's doing this because he wants to, and not for another reason. Then don't be selfish and accept his gift (trip) because he's doing it out of love.

16th Oct 2008, 04:09 AM	#1
hoping EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: australia Age: 23 Posts: 527 Join Date: May 2007	What should i do? The guy i like, Ryan he said that he has bought me somethng and then he said today he was going to buy me something but forgot and then when i told him i bought him something he was okay but then he said that i shouldnt buy him anything, but now hes saying about he might take me away for a weekend or something to this vineyard that is really expensive and i know it sounds weird but im just uncomfortable with it guess. I have never really had this before, never really had someone who wanted to do this but also i don't like the fact that he says i cant buy him stuff but he can buy me stuff Also i have always found it diificult to accept things from people i guess it might be too much pride but i dunno i guess i feel guilty at the same time for some reason. But what should i do, i dont want to be given all this stuff and taken to these places and not do anything for him, i dont want to live like that. __________________ On to canada in 2012

16th Oct 2008, 04:19 AM	#2
Level N Human Deluxe Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Fag-ette. Out Status: Most friends Age: 22 Posts: 816 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: What should i do? Then give him a little something meaningful! He can't NOT accept your gifts. He's probably just being humble so he doesn't want you getting him nice things. (But if you want to; do it! A gift never hurt anyone has it?) If you're uncomfortable with him lavishing you in expensive things; maybe you can suggest something more laid back, like a picnic somewhere and explain to him that you want to take things casually first. Let him know that your affection doesn't require a lot of material maintenance. __________________ If we hit that bullseye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... checkmate.

17th Oct 2008, 03:07 AM	#3
Louise EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Straight/open minded Location: France Age: 47 Posts: 2,120 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: What should i do? You need to be very clear with him the ground rules of your relationship. If he can give gifts then so can you, if he can organise trips away or treats, then so can you. If someone gives you something and you can't return the favor then that puts you in the position of owing them something which is never a nice feeling. Talk with Ryan and let him know how you are feeling and tell him that if you go away for the week end you want to pay your share or be allowed to take him somewhere the next time. __________________ I'm a supporter of gay rights... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant. Paul Newman

17th Oct 2008, 04:28 AM	#4
Fiorino Fio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Posts: 1,005 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: What should i do? ^^^ I agree with them. And-it sounds like he likes you . __________________ Why is it that as a culture, we're more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?

17th Oct 2008, 11:35 AM	#5
Paralyzer Steven Brightside Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Friendly Out Status: A lot Location: Virginia Age: 20 Posts: 1,091 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: What should i do? omg, forget what he says and give him something. just ignore it when he says not to. relationships work best when the people stand side by side rather than one in front of the other. __________________ every line on your face makes a beautiful maze for my eyes to trace

17th Oct 2008, 11:59 AM	#6
sdc91 Coop d'état Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 21 Posts: 1,607 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: What should i do? Haha, watch Queer as Folk season 1 to learn how to handle this. Make sure he's doing this because he wants to, and not for another reason. Then don't be selfish and accept his gift (trip) because he's doing it out of love.