Okay, so there's this friend I have at school... I asked him to dance last year and he ignored me for a few months, but we're good friends now (we've sailed together, we shared a room for 2 weeks, we're going on a trip together next month). What I can't stand for much longer, is the follow. I'm jealous, and I feel bad for being jealous. I'm like so ashamed of being jealous that it's almost unbearable. But it's so bad to think this way! :bang: 1. He's good looking, he looks like Grant Gustin, like really! 2. He has abs (stunning sick pack), um yes, of course I checked him out mmm 3. He gets amazing grades, got highest academic achievement last year 4. He's Norwegian, Scandanavian, European (just checking things of my check list ) 5. He's never too nervous, or he doesn't show it 6. He's good at everything, or almost everything, or like most things (you get the idea) 7. He has like nice clothes, nice fashion taste 8. He has nice computer(s) and phone(s), wealthy enough to buy the things he really wants (not the wealthy-rub-it-in-your-face type though) 9. He can do his homework in a short amount of time, and gets a top grade (I've seen him do this so many times) 10. He's tall, like a 1/2 inches taller than me, so he's like 5'11" or 6' 11. He's cool with everything (except when I wake him up early in the morning) I don't understand myself, I think it's because I know I can't have him, so I just want to be him. Like why does he get 2 wishes at once? He's smart and good looking! Help?! Advice? Opinions? :icon_sad:
Its ok to have a little envy in someone so dont beat yourself up about it. It sounds like he is every guys dreamboat so be glad you have him as a friend. My advice is to understand that its ok to be just a little jealous and its nothing to be ashamed about
I think being jealous of someone else who seems to have it all together isn't that uncommon as a teenager. To some degree you'll grow out of it. To some degree you can take steps to move beyond it or address the source of the jealousy. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are, or will be, people who find you really good looking. Abs are partly a matter of genetics, but also have a lot to do with exercise, diet, and willpower. You can't control your genetics, but you can control the other three. You mention this and his homework. Some people are indeed exceptionally good at academics, but more people have developed good study habits. Why not ask him about his and see if you can emulate them? Your ancestry is like your genetics - we all have to take what we end up with. Feeling bothered by it is just consuming time and mental resources you could be using to study or exercise or work on whatever other aspect of your life you would like to improve and actually can change. Unless you've actually seen him engage in every activity that humans are capable of, you don't actually know that he's good at everything. In fact, very few people (none really) are truly good at everything. He may be very confident or he may know how to power through a situation to get it done even when he is nervous. Confidence is something that comes with time and experience. Powering through is something you can teach yourself to do if you want to. You may never get where you enjoy doing X, but if you take the attitude of 'if it needs to be done, then it needs to be done', you'll be surprised how much you can accomplish. Assuming he's around your age and not out earning a living, what this really means is that his family has enough money to buy these things for him. So they aren't really a reflection of his abilities. Fashion sense might be from him, and yes, not everyone is good at that. In the case of money, you will be heading out on your own in not that many years and in time will be earning your own living. At that point, there is every chance you will be able to buy your own nice stuff. You might even find that you're better at it than he is. Fashion sense can be at least partly learned - or make friends with people who are good at it and let them advise you on buying what to wear. Not sure if you're saying he's 1 to 2 inches taller or a half inch taller. Regardless, neither is much of a difference. The latter is barely noticeable. Also you're 16 and possibly still growing. Being 'cool with everything' is a mix of personality, outlook on life, and learned behavior. Two out of three of these are things you can exercise conscious control over. Even personality is something you can work on to some degree. In terms of overall advice, I'd suggest you focus on the things you can change, accept the things you can't, and work to be the best you you can be, rather than trying to be someone else. Pining over this guy will just get your frustration. Using him as an example of some things you'd like to achieve or approximate in your own life and then working toward those goals - seems likely to have a much more productive outcome. My 2c worth, Todd
