Hi guys, Just wondering if these 3 questions are appropriate to be asked on the first date itself? 1) Whether the person is a virgin 2) The person is looking for a monogamous or open relationship 3) The person is for a lifelong committed relationship or not (Sorry if this sounds silly. I have never been on a date before :icon_redf )
Just get to know them in a non forceful way. Like maybe ask them what music they like what they want in life etc
I ask if it's not obvious whether they're closeted, asking about serious relationships I think is a second date sort of thing. The first date is more getting to know the person and being your self.
I don't know if I'd like being asked any of those to be honest; especially not the first one since 'virgin' can be defined differently by different people so It's hard to get an accurate picture anyway. The second one I might be put off because it just seems....odd to come out of the blue with that sort of thing? I think first dates should be casual small talk sort of thing.
This is some really good advice All you have to do if just be yourself Make them happy to be with you On the second or third date is when you should think about asking about their sex life, their life goals with a person or even what kind of relationship they're looking for Just make the first date something to allow them to get to know you, and you get to know them But honestly? Just be yourself and you'll be perfect (*hug*)
Rude. This is information the other person will put forward out of their own volition if they deem it pertinent, but I can't think of an scenario in which it's appropriate for you to ask about it (much less in a first date). Appropriate. I would even encourage you to ask this from the get go to save time in case you two end up having different opinions on the matter (dealbreaker). Too soon.
Unless it came up naturally in the course of the conversation I wouldn't ask any of them on the first date. To me it makes you sound like you aren't interested in them as people but in a generic relationship that they are just a placeholder for. I can't tell you the number of dates I went on where people went there with me--you could see the relationship desperation in their eyes and at least to me, it's not attractive. At that point you (as the person on the other side) have no idea whether they are interested in you as a person or just in a "relationship" and you'll do to get that. There was a comment earlier about using these questions to not waste time on people with differing relationship views--I couldn't disagree more. The fact of the matter is that you shouldn't enter into a serious relationship with someone who has differing views on relationships than you do, but if you really are only interested in getting to know me if you can have a serious relationship with me I don't even want you as a friend let alone a partner. Seriously, take it from someone who has sat across the table on the date you're thinking about having. It can be a terrible turn off. I don't know if I just had "marry me" written on my forehead in ink I couldn't see, but I remember so often going out on dates and thinking "wow, I thought we'd just go bowling, why is this guy picking out China patterns?" Have fun, get to know people and when it's time for that stuff to come up it will. It's a date not an application process.
I largely agree with Rawrzilla. To ask the first is simply inappropriate without being prompted to do so; it's intrusive and unpleasant for some, so just avoid it. The second is an understandable concern that should probably be mutually agreed on; it could be awkward to have a misunderstanding about where you're headed. I think it would be best to not openly ask it, at least not in such frank terms. It can feel a bit awkward and assumes that the date will lead to a relationship. I would save it for quite a while later. The third is tantamount to suggesting marriage on the first date. I know it would put me off pretty quickly if someone were to even hint at that.
Well dates are to get to know each other... mabe talking about hobbies, or other likes and dislikes... if you know each other better you can ask more private questions... it would be appropriate to find out what the goals for a partnership are... but this can be done in an indirect and nice manner...
You dont even know if you like this person enough for any of that. Decide over a number of dates whether or not you want to get closer to this person. I'd never ask someone if they were a virgin. Its irrelevant, really.
These are all questions that I personally wouldn't ask on a first date, but would steer the conversation in such a way so as to get a basic idea of the other person's opinion on the matter. That being said, if I was on a date, I wouldn't mind answering all three of the questions, and would likely find it cool that the person asking was so direct and honest. Most other people however, would find that a bit weird.
Thank you for your replies I think its better to avoid all these questions during the first date after reading your responses. Seems too fast and direct haha.
I agree I would not ask the virginity question. It's probably best to just go have fun and get to know this person. If you like them, then ask them these questions in the future. However, depending how quickly your relationship gets sexual, I'd hold off on asking about sexual experiences for a bit. It may be appropriate to ask what kind of relationship they are seeking though. However, not sure if I'd ask this or too many serious questions on the first date. You don't want to come off crazy/clingy for asking if they are looking for a serious relationship or a lifelong relationship. I think it is a hard question to ask IN GENERAL; most people may twist the question to asking if they are interested in a lifelong relationship with you, to which they will think: "I don't know... I just met you...". I notice I get more second dates if I don't ask questions like those on the first date and just keep it fun rather than serious... As people have said, ask about hobbies, friends, family, school, background, work, interests, etc. Tl;dr, I largely agree with rawrzilla and aussie792 (almost just deleted my post and said this, since my post is basically late night/early morning ramblings, but maybe you'll get some value from it so I kept it!)
