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Years of hiding, denial, and fear (Might be a lengthy post)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AngelWings17, Dec 23, 2014.

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  1. AngelWings17

    AngelWings17 Guest

    When I first discovered that I was having thoughts about other girls I shoved it aside. For years, up until a few weeks ago, I was hiding my bisexuality. Denying it for fear that it's not who I am. Denying it for fear that I would lose friends over it. I know I've been different than others my whole life, but maybe I was bisexual even when I was young. When I acknowledged that I was bisexual, it took a bit to accept it. Even then it took a number of tries to get myself to say it. I wanted to say it, but I just couldn't. When I finally said it, which was a time when I was looking at my phone, I felt a HUGE rush of relief. Then the next day I was itching to tell someone. I took that chance to text it to my boyfriend when I was on break at work. I am so fortunate that he's okay with it. I felt relieved when he said he was okay with it and that he trusts me. That whole day up until I came out to him I was so nervous. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, and I had butterflies in my stomach. After I had gotten it out that first time, I just wanted to blurt it out to the world. I kept it in until I got home and was able to make a vlog about it for YouTube and a post on Facebook. For me it was pretty easy to come out because I have friends who are gay, bi, or lesbian. They had support from me and I have support from them. I'm also fortunate to have very open-minded friends. The only ones who don't know are family and friends of the family. And one friend I have on deviantART, I guess he knew all along and was trying to get it through my thick skull. I do not plan on telling my family just yet. Not until I feel ready to. I guess you could say there's a hint of fear that they'd react negatively to it. They don't know that I'm not a virgin, let alone that I'm bi. Anyway, I'm rambling again. This is just something I wanted to say. Kind of get it off my chest. If you have a story about the years before you came out, then feel free to post it below!

    (&&&) :thumbsup: :icon_wink :smilewave
     
    #1 AngelWings17, Dec 23, 2014
  2. flight

    flight
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    I had some pretty odd years before I came out to myself. I still remember this girl at my elementary school who said to me "You're gay, and everyone at this school knows it." I didn't really know what it meant to be gay at the time, but I was trying so hard just to fit in. I didn't want to be known as the dude who liked other dudes so I tried to bury it. I went through 8th and 9th grade fairly well. I didn't really have any feelings for anyone else, but I started to think that I really could like other men. I'm pretty headstrong so when someone tells me who to be I'm not so keen to go along with it. And I wanted to prove that girl wrong so badly. So I suppressed it again.

    But trying to bury something only makes it come out much worst. So one day, after failing to study for a math test I had a mental breakdown. I sent myself to the counselling suite at my school and just started to freak out. And then I was like omg i think I'm gay. I spent half the day crying. And then we started the long process of coming out to myself. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. One of the guidance counsellors gave me a button that said "Some guys like other guys" I still have it. My mom found it and tried to throw it out and I somehow found it in the trash when I was taking it out.

    So yeah. That's my story. Sorry for the long read :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #2 flight, Dec 23, 2014
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