I've noticed that a lot of people have depression and suicidal thoughts, and I thought they could use some hope. If you suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts and ended up somewhat normal, post them here to let others know that they are not alone, and that things will get better. For example, I was officially diagnosed as depresses when I was nine years old, a few years after an exceptionally messy divorce. My family didn't do anything except occasional therapy sessions until I tried to take my on life when I was eleven (tried to overdose on melatonin pills. Ironically, melatonin is one of the least lethal substances in the world, since it's a hormone that puts you to sleep and is nearly impossible to overdose on. Oops.). After that, we went to a psychiatrist regularly until we found a medicine that works for me. It took a couple of years (and I discovered that adderall makes me hallucinate that a ghost was following me around my house and watching me sleep) but they finally found that Ritalin lessoned my symptoms. It's been a couple of years, and I can honestly say that my life is as good as it can be when your a high schooler. You don't believe it when your depressed, brush it off as optimistic :***: when you feel like no one could possibly understand. I understand, and I can honestly say that things will not stay this way. Even if you don't have access to therapy or medications, this website could be better for you than any pill or shrink. The awesome people here will be more than happy to help you with anything you're going through. Stay strong.
In grade 10 I was depressed and had suicidal thoughts, I felt completely alone and everyone seemed to reject me, I eventually turned my depression into anger and I had really stuffed up thoughts. I wanted to punish the people responsible for putting me in this situation. I did the only way I knew how, writing stories with them being brutally beaten up and occasionally eaten. But the school caught me writing one of these stories and so out of nowhere I said I was depressed, this was true as I began to pour out tears. I managed to get through it and even after 4 years of no emotional reactions to anything I'm back to who I really am, a kind of weird guy who is a super femme gay boy:icon_bigg
Throughout my entire life I was bullied and long story short, I was suicidal, attempted suicide many times, did a lot of self harm, went in and out of psych wards, went through a lot of anger and hate towards everyone I came across and I just eventually gave up. A lot did change me, a lot of things I had to face and I faced them. I realized that what I was, was lonely. I was for the most part, alone in my room every day. I had little to no friends, people who didn't even care to hang out, people who'd go to a party and text me the next morning saying I should've came just so that they could talk about their night without me thinking that they where complete douches. I tried the dating scene and it always ended up with the other being extremely selfish and desperate for love which left me feeling like I wasn't wanted. I came out of all that and even though I still feel alone and lonely at times, I try to think of who I have around me, even if they're online.
I've had my battle with depression since I was about 13. When I was a kid I lost two of my middle brothers and that left an emotional strain on my parents, we never talked about it and I never understood death when I was a kid that made me angry and confused because as a kid I believed in God and every time I prayed he obviously did not 'answer' and that confusion and anger carried on to my sexual curiosity in middle school when I realized I like boys. All that confusion in my head messed me up pretty badly considering from the bullying I had to endure. Honestly I had no one there for me, I'm really good at hiding my emotions. This past year after I got divorced I felt like I hit rock bottom again, dealt with alcoholism that was until after I realized after a while if I'm making myself suffer so much even after I survived two overdoses (pain killers) why won't God just set me 'free'? I thought about my family my parents specifically and honestly I'd only be taking myself away from them... another baby boy they would have lost... I never noticed how emotionally hurt my parents were too while I was growing up, I surprised myself having not seen the signs. I live for my parents but also importantly myself, I'm not entirely happy but I'm getting there the process has just begun honestly and I'm pretty determined to make it extremely far.
