Questioning myself

Dear members I need help 15 years ago I had a bestfriend who in theory was the love of my life I walked away simply because she wanted a relationship and back then there was so much homophobic and prejudice against it , as in people finding out back then I was very religious I walked away , we never had full on sexual contact , we stopped being friends after that I missed her everyday and i tried to be normal I suppressed my feelings and desires and never acted on them , it's making me feel depressed , this year 2015 we got back in contact through social media , infact met up a few times last week I told her I was felt about her , I feel ashamed of these feelings , this unwanted attraction has made me feel suicidal , feel horrible saying that , I have a lot of homosexual friends , I have tried to have relationships with guys over the 15 years , but I always leave without a actual reason I am dumping them , i can't hurt men anymore , it's not fair , I'm madly inlove with her , only downside she is bisexual and married to a man and has a family , she said to me last week to meet other sexually confused women , if things were different and she found a connection with a woman she would leave her husband to be a woman ! Please I need help , I've been on dating sites all women want to hook up , I'm not looking for physical side im looking for someone who understands how I feel ,

 

Thanks for the input as my friend is bisexual she can tell I'm not completely straight can others girl tell by my characteristics I need to know its so confusing ?

 

Thanks for the input as my friend is bisexual she can tell I'm not completely straight can others girl tell by my characteristics I need to know its so confusing ?