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Scared about the future

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by scxred, Jan 11, 2015.

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  1. scxred

    scxred
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    Hello,

    Im feeling suicidal lately because it seems like there isn't anybody who wants feminine guys. I feel like i'll never find a guy who would date me. Ive been told my people that im quite attractive but ive never actually tried gay dating sites because im terrified of being rejected due to my femininity. When i read gay forums i feel hopeless because it seems that nobody wants feminine gay guys even if theyre attractive. Im not the stereotypical gay guy but I definitely am feminine in a different way for e.g. gentle. I do have a really nice personality but it seems that it won't be enough. I dont know what to do, I dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. Im just too terrified of being rejected. Sometimes i wish i was born a woman, or even a straight guy because there have been some girls who have liked me but unfortunately im gay.
     
    #1 scxred, Jan 11, 2015
  2. LiquidSwords

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    I think gentleness is very attractive

    Worst thing about being gay for me is the limited number of potential partners, but guarantee there's people out there who like guys like you even if they're harder to find than if you were straight. Stay positive!
     
    #2 LiquidSwords, Jan 11, 2015
  3. TJ

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    There are tons of gay men that like feminine gay men. Tons and tons and tons and tons. Don't doubt yourself.

    There's this dumb idea that masculine gay men look down on feminine gay men, and that's just not true. Some might, but the vast majority of gay men could care less.
    Honestly, I find femininity attractive!

    If someone shows an interest in dating you, chances are they don't even notice your femininity. Get out there and date! I'm certain the reality isn't as bad as you're worried it will be. :slight_smile:

    You won't be alone for the rest of your life. You don't need to worry about that at all. (*hug*)
     
    #3 TJ, Jan 11, 2015
  4. bingostring

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    I agree with this !!! (*hug*)
     
    #4 bingostring, Jan 11, 2015
  5. scxred

    scxred
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    Everytime I read the posts about feminine gay men on here, i just feel really hurt because i feel like im being judged on something i cannot control. I cant help having a feminine voice, feminine mannerisms and a feminine walk.
     
    #5 scxred, Jan 11, 2015
  6. scxred

    scxred
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    It doesn't seem like tons of guys like feminine men :frowning2: especially when I look at this site.
     
    #6 scxred, Jan 11, 2015
  7. awesomeyodais

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    Keep in mind many people posting here are at a place in their life where they're not quite comfortable yet with being gay, are not quite comfortable yet telling others about it, let alone making it visible by associating with guys who are a little more obvious. Just one possible explanation for your observation.

    Being gentle and kind towards others is one of many desirable qualities, for a friend, a lover, a life partner. The world needs more people like you.
     
    #7 awesomeyodais, Jan 11, 2015
  8. TJ

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    Anybody who judges you for something you can not control is not worth a second of your time. This is no different than if someone were to judge somebody else for being black, or latino, or something that is beyond their control. It's simply ridiculous.
     
    #8 TJ, Jan 11, 2015
  9. Argentwing

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    I'm not exactly in the market but feminine guys are pretty much the only ones I find attractive. And there's no way in hell I'm alone on that one. :grin:
     
    #9 Argentwing, Jan 11, 2015
  10. Mirko

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    Hi there, welcome to EC! (*hug*)

    I think TJ is right on the money. Someone who judges you based on the things that are a natural part of you is not worth your time. Often times, people start judging others on the way they look, the way they talk, etc....because they themselves are insecure about an aspect or aspects of themselves.

    You wrote out an important phrase: "I cannot control." There are things we can control, but there are things we cannot. If we were to worry about all the things we cannot control, there wouldn't be any time left to worry and work on the things we can control.

    Your voice, mannerisms, and how you walk are things that are just a small part of you. Do they absolutely define who you are as a person? No. They are not because there are a lot more things that help to make who you are, than your voice or mannerisms, of how you walk.

    In all of this, there are things you can control. One of the things you can control is how you view yourself, and how secure you feel about yourself. Try to work on your own self-confidence. Embrace the things that makes you, you. It will give you an edge over everybody who comes along and tries to judge you or you feel is judging you. Plus, you will find that it makes finding the right person for you, a lot easier.
     
    #10 Mirko, Jan 11, 2015
  11. scxred

    scxred
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    Wow, this is what i needed :slight_smile:. *hug*. How do i get over my fear of rejection? Before I came out as gay i thought that even if i was feminine, gay guys wouldnt mind but now it seems like they would. It seems the media's portrayal of the stereotypical gay relationship is completely false. It seems like alot of masculine gay men see masculinity as more superior. It is that surprising when gay men CHOOSE conciously or subconciously to act over the top to rebel against society's dislike for male femininity. I am only making these assumptions based on this forum as I havent actually tried the gay dating scene.
     
    #11 scxred, Jan 11, 2015
  12. Mirko

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    There will always be a level of fear, and there are no guarantees. But one of the ways to remove a fair amount of the fear is to know who you are, and be able to talk about yourself without worrying what somebody else is going to think about you. The other, is to embrace vulnerability, and allow yourself to be seen.

    It all comes down to as to how you see yourself. Being confident about yourself, and being able to make yourself vulnerable, is at the core of what allows you to stand out.

    Is masculinity superior? Not really, even though society might make it seem like it. There are a lot of gay guys who would like to date (or be in a relationship with) a feminine guy.

    Try to learn to make yourself vulnerable by engaging with others. If you want, you can start right on Empty Closets. Try to get to know others, and let others get to know you. By doing so, you will learn more about what they have to say and how they view the world, and equally important you will offer a different view that will also be educational for them. When somebody says, "I prefer masculine guys because of this and this," that's okay. Don't take it personally. :slight_smile: What it will do though is clarify things for yourself. It will give you a glimpse into the things you need to work on thus working on your self-confidence.

    When you go out and date someone, or try to get to know someone, you will have to make yourself vulnerable, until you find that person with whom it clicks, and who will say, you are the person I have been looking for.

    Hope this helps. (*hug*)
     
    #12 Mirko, Jan 11, 2015
  13. scxred

    scxred
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    I will have to be more confident I guess. Part of the fear comes from my main goal in life is that finding a soul mate. To be honest, my dream has kinda been dashed without me even trying to go for it. One thing i am sure of is my beautiful soul, which unfortunately may be looked over because im not masculine enough.
     
    #13 scxred, Jan 11, 2015
  14. Mirko

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    First things first - don't defeat yourself before you have started trying to achieve your goal. :slight_smile:

    Don't end your dream without trying. You might have to try hard, and you might have to try over and over again to find that person but you know what? Every time you try going out there, making yourself vulnerable, you will come a step closer of finding that person with whom it will click.

    Start with: "I don't care if someone finds me being too feminine, or not masculine enough, and we don't click. That's not the person I want to begin with, so I am not going to waste my time and thoughts on them. I want somebody who is okay, no better than okay with me being me, and who can see past all the things I cannot control; instead sees inside of me, and recognises the person that I am."
     
    #14 Mirko, Jan 11, 2015
  15. Quem

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    What's wrong with being rejected? People have all kinds of opinions, some will like you, and some won't. Masculinity is not a needed quality for every gay guy out there. Please, don't feel bad about being who you are. Embrace it. (*hug*)
     
    #15 Quem, Jan 12, 2015
  16. SofatSumita

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    i am very scare about my future that what will be happen in my future life or sometimes i am excited about my future.
     
    #16 SofatSumita, Jan 12, 2015
  17. Edmund

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    No no no ...i assure you it is not true.
     
    #17 Edmund, Jan 12, 2015
  18. MouseKeeper

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    If it's any consolation, effeminate guys are one of the types of men I find attractive.

    As for how you feel, I know what it's like to feel this way. I have an effeminate side myself, but it only shows when I'm in a good mood or around cute things. My voice changes, I almost develop a gay accent, and I start acting more woman-ish, plus my voice goes falsetto quite a bit... none of this is intentional. I don't think my girlfriend likes it though. I think she only likes the Masculine side of me that shows when I'm in a neutral mood, or a mood that doesn't fall under the "good mood" umbrella. It's rather frustrating.

    I actually worry that if I allow my feminine side to surface when I'm around my girlfriend, she'd either be too embarrassed to be seen with me, or she'd leave me for a more masculine guy. If I end up single, I'm going to want to start dating other guys, but unfortunately, I worry about being left because they'd want sex and I'm repulsed by sex, thus I'm limited to fellow Asexual gay or bi men, and asexuals are EXTREMELY spread out, to the point where we have to fly on a plane to meet up with another Asexual we've met online and want to form a relationship with, and risk that person NOT being asexual and risk sexual assault, or murder or whatever.

    So, with me, it's either be effeminate and risk never having a successful relationship ever again, or be masculine all the time and oppress my true personality, and feel miserable my whole life. Both options seem like a rather miserable life to me.

    Here's a hug for good luck. (*hug*)



    Mouse.
     
    #18 MouseKeeper, Jan 12, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2015
  19. scxred

    scxred
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    Are you sure?
     
    #19 scxred, Jan 12, 2015
  20. Edmund

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    Yes!
    i was surprised while reading your post. It is nonsense to me.
    It is strange.Maybe it depends on where you live. I don't know. It is very very strange that you have this question.
     
    #20 Edmund, Jan 12, 2015
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