1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

would those with a disability please stand up?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by NatWheeled, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. NatWheeled

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2014
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    0
    Lol....hmmm or just raise your hand.

    Look us disabled folk got it hard and there are few that can truly understand our plight. We're the ignored, and its widely assumed we're either asexual or just unable to have sex. In truth I think I'd have figured out my sexuality years ago if I wasn't disabled. Because contrary to popular belief I do want sex, I want it bad...lol. My sister thinks I hate love cause I don't like chick flicks n generally dislike weddings. I hate chick flicks cause I can't relate to em. There's no popular chick flick with a girl in a wheelchair as the main character, although I vaguely remember one about a couple with downs syndrome. As for weddings, well I been to many n just get jealous cause I so badly want what they found. Luckily I finally found her!

    This forum is so awesome! I've found myself wishing there was a forum for us disabled folk as good as this, but I've yet to find one.


    Anyways, I know there's a few of us on here, and I'm just curious, what's your story?
     
  2. Damien

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2014
    Messages:
    1,246
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'd say you are not alone in this, although you are quite possibly rare in having the courage to speak up, and I commend you for that.
     
  3. ANewDawn

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2014
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Florida
    While I am not actually disabled I do have a chronic pain disorder. I'm going to be living in a hospital for a month soon to try and deal with it. But I understand not being able to relate to healthy people a lot. I also sometimes doubt that I'll ever be able to physically handle a relationship or family. It can suck, but everyone has love to give and people who want to give love to them. Don't lose hope that you'll find someone! And for anyone who presumes you're incapable of having sex, remind them that Stephen hawkings had three kids.
     
  4. Randy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2012
    Messages:
    3,784
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am living with Cerebral Palsy. My CP isn't as severe as possible, I do still have use of my extremities and certain appendages. While I think living with CP is a hindrance to how I live my life, it certainly is not. The chances I do and do not take are up to me; whatever I do and do not do are completely my choice, no one has a say in it. That being said, there are certain things I will not do simply because I know myself and I know what my limits are. Furthermore, having CP has not impacted my dating life. The way I view that subject is, is if a person rejects me solely knowing I have CP then maybe it is better they rejected me as I do not need that negativity in my life. On the other hand, if somebody does date my but they 'baby' me and such, then I do not need that in my life either. Living as LGBT with a disability is sort of like the world's weed out machine to me in the sense that it easily detects who is being genuine and who is not.
     
  5. aeva

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2012
    Messages:
    749
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New York
    I wouldn't say I'm disabled (yet), but I do have several chronic conditions that definitely interfere with my life, although the level depends on the day.

    My connective tissue disorder means that my joints grind badly and subluxate, and a lot of my tendons snap across bones. The pain can range from barely noticeable, to so bad that I use a cane.

    It also causes: cardiovascular, urinary, skin, skeletal, muscle and digestive issues, all of which affect me on a day to day basis. I am medicated for most, which helps to keep them somewhat at bay. Separate from from the connective tissue disorder, I also have depression, thalassemia (usually not much of a problem on my own, but makes the cardiovascular issues worse) and an autoimmune skin condition.

    Technically, the condition is not degenerative because the disease itself does not progress...but basically the process of aging is significantly accelerated for our bodies, to the point that most of us have osteoarthritis in our 20s.

    It does affect my dating life. I "look normal", so people often don't realize that I have health problems. In a way, I wish I had something more visible, because people who were not ok with it would never bother approaching in the first place, and would never say stupid things like "but you don't look sick!" (which of course means that they don't really believe there's something wrong with me). When they do realize how many conditions I have, they also realize that they're just not up for all that.

    My skin condition definitely affects my sex life. People probably don't want me to go into the details, but it often involves ripping, bleeding and crying. Not something most people can handle, and it sure as hell isn't pleasant for me. That doesn't mean I don't WANT sex, and it doesn't always mean I can't have it (again, some days are better than others)...it just makes it really difficult. No casual sex for me.
     
  6. Fugs

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,614
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm mentally disabled but a lot of the time i feel like I'm a bad person for it because it's not like being physically disabled. It's harder for people to see so i get the feeling that people judge me poorly for it. Though honestly I'm in the hospital two months out of the year because of it.

    I don't do relationships anymore since i can't mentally handle them. And i can't finish my transition because i'm not mentally fit enough to qualify sadly, so i'm kinda screwed.
     
    #6 Fugs, Jan 15, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2015
  7. NatWheeled

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2014
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    0
    Love the responses! I know there are many disabilities both seen and unseen, and they all impact us differently. No disability is greater or lesser than another. As for how much they limit us, that's mostly up to us as Randy said

    Fugs, I could never put myself in your shoes and understand what you go through. Don't ever feel bad.
     
  8. doglover44

    doglover44 Guest

    I have a learning disability and people say im confused about sexuality
     
  9. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    I have a learning disability, as well as other things such as social anxiety, and OCD. The latter two, especially, have been very big hindrances in my life.
     
  10. TigerInATophat

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2014
    Messages:
    847
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buckinghamshire UK
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It does irk me somewhat when people presume that those of us with disability/health issues etc are simply incapable or unwilling to have an interest in sex. My actual libido is much the same regardless.

    I have to agree actually that I probably would have figured out my sexuality somewhat sooner if I had been a fully-healthy fully-mobile and energetic individual like most others my age, although it's impossible to say for sure. But having my own issues and also having caring responsibilities for another meant there wasn't much possibility of a social life in general anyway, much less a relationship, so addressing my sexuality wasn't a particularly pressing issue.

    Ironically I realised recently that being attracted to women actually works out for the best given my problems. The reason I say this is because in the last couple of years I've developed some various... erm... lets say 'discomfort issues' with intimate/internal areas which mean that, realistically, the act of penetrative intercourse is going to be far from enjoyable if not just outright horrible were I to be interested in such. And it occurs to me that had I been heterosexual, this would likely be very limiting in terms of my relationship options. Yes I could do other things with a partner not involving penetration, but generally most males consider the act to be a very important part of sex, so entering a relationship were it was off the table would require a special type of person with a lot of consideration and resolve. But within a lesbian relationship,this is likely to be a far more minor issue. With two women it's usually more of an optional extra rather than the main activity. So in one way my chances of finding a compatible partner are actually better with my being attracted to women. Or maybe that's just me always trying to look for the positives.
     
  11. howsit

    howsit Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2014
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Honestly, I'll be straight up, there are a lot of things I'm picky about, but physical disabilities aren't one of them. I love the outdoors, so that would provide some obstacles and planning, but if the dude was attractive and had a great personality, I honestly wouldn't give a damn. I know you weren't asking this, but do keep in mind there are people out there who aren't disabled who really can look passed it without hesitation.
     
  12. NatWheeled

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2014
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    0
    You're a rarity my friend. Yes I know there are those that look beyond our limitations, better than we ourselves do really. I found one such woman and I plan to keep her!

    ---------- Post added 16th Jan 2015 at 12:39 AM ----------

    What really irked me was when my parents would encourage me to find people "like me" by which they meant in a wheelchair. But I resented the notion. To me people like me are those with similar hobbies and interests....I mean, that's like telling redheads they should go hang out with other redheads. We'd be out someplace n there'd be somebody in a wheelchair n mom would suggest I go say hi. I don't even know them! "Hi, I noticed you're in a wheelchair, let's be friends!" Or "hey, nice ride". Nobody goes up to somebody and says hi cause ya both have hair.

    Anyways, rant over. Lol
     
  13. MotelGuy

    MotelGuy Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tijuana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I get seizures, and I take medication for it...I'm actually going to have to take it my whole life...
     
  14. Nickinthemiddle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2015
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    San Antonio
    Invisible disability here: Bipolar I disorder with psychosis. I take mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, and anxiety medications and will do so for the rest of my life.

    When people who don't understand and use the words 'Bipolar', 'Manic', 'Schizo', 'Psychotic' and just throw it around, it is ignorant especially when they use it as an insult.

    I just came out as Bipolar to everyone I know as my New Year's resolution to live openly and fight against the stigma that everyone in the Bipolar closet has to see and it hurts and demonizes them.

    We are good people with a condition that cannot be cured and is chronic and life long. We are not just the 'crazy' character on the TV episode that chases people around with a knife or the wrong assumption of somebody who is overly emotional/happy sad constantly (totally untrue, check the DSM).

    I am 25% more likely than people without Bipolar Disorder to end my life in suicide (though of course I am commited to treating and controlling my disorder so that shall hopefully not happen to me) and we have 20 years off of our life expectancy.

    So I am here raising my hand for the folks with Bipolar. We are good people with a disorder we never asked for, doing the best we can, and if you're reading this and you have Bipolar, keep on fighting the good fight (&&&)

    ETA: I once dated a guy who was a paraplegic/wheelchair user and though life was different for him, it did not affect my decision to date him. There are good people who do not discount people who are not able-bodied.

    One of my favorite things: People are not broken or ruined, only objects are. We might face greater adversity or require accomodation or our lives might be more difficult or complicated, but we are NOT broken. :grin: my love to everyone in the Disabled community (*hug*)
     
    #14 Nickinthemiddle, Jan 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2015
  15. Justinian20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2014
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Brisbane Australia
    I have a disability yes. I went through the asexual period before realizing that I was in fact very sexual. My situation is kind of like yours excepting I have severe hearing loss and possible early arthritis because of my unnaturally shaped feet. My mother is much like yours she wants me to be friends with others like me. It doesn't work because I don't want to talk to people like me. I like to have average guys and girls as friends.
     
  16. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have some hearing loss due to a severe infection many years ago, and heredity as well--my mother and my grandfather had similar hearing loss. My kids used to get a big kick out of putting their hand over my bad ear so the hearing aid would "sing", i.e. feed back. (I generally take it out as soon as things get hot and heavy as a result!)

    I also have a genetic disorder that causes capillary weaknesses and malformations. The most obvious result is that I get nosebleeds at the drop of a hat and have to avoid anything that thins the blood, like a lot of garlic, or aspirin-based painkillers. Otherwise the nosebleeds go on and on. I take iron pills to keep from getting too anemic. The disorder also causes AVM's (arterial-venous malformations, basically aneurysms) which range from extremely minor to more dangerous. The worst was one that developed in my lung several years ago and had to be taken care of when it got to be the size of a golf ball. The risk was that either it would rupture and I'd bleed internally, or clots would form inside it which could detach and go to my heart or brain. Nasty. None in my head, fortunately.
     
  17. happydavid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A town near Birmingham England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I have a learning disabillity and if peolple find out its an excuse for people to talk to me like I'm a child :tantrum:
     
  18. XenaxGabby

    XenaxGabby Guest

    I have CP too. Very mildly though and only physical. If anyone were to see me on the street they wouldn't notice a difference. My right side doesn't work as well as the left. I'm also legally blind. What people see at 200 feet, I see at 20 feet. I have no vision in my right eye either. It is very enlightening to hear that your disability hasn't affected your dating life:slight_smile: It has been a worry of mine for years that no one would want to be with me but you give me hope! I never like to talk about it because I want to seem "normal".

    May I ask how CP affects you?
     
  19. Lawrence

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2014
    Messages:
    2,134
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Bipolar type 1, medicated. I also feel normal ups and downs like almost everyone else. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for my actions. Anyone is free to tell me off if I use it as an excuse.

    My boyfriend has ADHD. He also suffers from insomnia. And I wouldn't love him any less if he lost the use of his legs. It really depends on the disorder/disability and the individual.

    To hell with stigma. If somebody thinks I'm a Hollywood villain, and they don't try to learn when given the chance... it's their problem. I'm kind of used to it. Somebody at college asked if I killed people because I collect knives. She was serious. I don't think I was the one with a problem!
     
  20. NatWheeled

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2014
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    0

    Yes! This is kinda what I was hoping for! (&&&)