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first time at the mental hospital

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by xxAngelOnFirexx, May 18, 2007.

  1. xxAngelOnFirexx

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    :icon_eek: This is a true story. my story. i don't remember much about the first time but i still wrote this. i'll post about my second time later. feel free to comment. i wrote it in third person diary form...

    The first time

    She cries not wanting to leave what she know. And her freedom. She is taken to the back and placed in a poorly decorated room filled with about 7 other girls. The immediately tell her their stories and ask for hers. Hesitant at first, she speaks. Then spills it all.

    She is taken into a hallway across the the room, the nurses station. The rude dark-skinned nurse asks her questions and takes her into a back room where she is told to undress. They check all her clothing for weapons, anything that could hurt her. Then they make a map of her body and every single scar on it. Then, while mostly naked they make her cough and squat behind a screen to see if she is hiding drugs or anything ‘elsewhere’. She of course is not. She has never done drugs, or even smoked for that matter. They ask her more questions before letting her dress (not without taking the strings out of her hoodies and sweats and not giving her back any clothing with metal ,excluding coat zippers).

    She is given bedding and direction to her room down the hall. She makes her bed. There is two very thin white sheets on a plastic mattress and one thin pillow. The room she finds is too white and boring. There is a door to who-knows-where (later she finds is the bathroom) and three dressers and three other beds. Presumably to her room mates. Then she heads back to the room.

    Apparently the room will be her home for the next week. It is small and lined with uncomfy chairs all along the walls. A social worker and doctor is assigned to her and she gets a yellow bracelet (the other girls tell her signifies that she is on suicidal watch GSP- general suicide prevention. This means she is not allowed to eat in the cafeteria yet. Only in the one boring room that has a tv suspended in the corner and the nurse/social workers table. They are constantly being watched.

    By the end of the first day she picks up the routine. Get vitals checked at 3 am. Go back to sleep. Get up too early. Sit in the room for 30 minutes. Go to breakfast. Go back to the room. Have group (couseling with the other girls). Then an activity. Then school. Then lunch. Then phone calls. then 1 hour of nothingness of just sitting and then naptime until dinner. Then phone calls again. Then another group. Then free time till 8 pm. Then showers, then bed. Then vitals at 3 am and the cycle starts all over.
    On weekends the can go to mass if the want. She doesn’t. Saturdays just has one group and mainly free time. Sunday they get to sleep in and they get to go to the gym. PE at the mental hospital with a bunch of crazies throwing dodge balls at the walls whilke the rest try to hide in the abck room until they are called out. What fun.

    Everyday at nap time, before she lays in her bed, she makes an origomi bird with one word written pon it (all on stolekn materials from the last girl to sleep in her bed before her) everyday a new word on what she is to work on. She saves these.

    After four days (a long time according to the other girls) she is put off GSP and is allowed toi go to the cafetieria where she is allowed to pick which gross food she eat. Gross this or gross that. At least the pop is real although it is not diet like she likes. Now she has a white bracelet like most of the other girls.

    Girls leave and come. She and girls bond. She knows all about them. Seeing as the nurses ask for their story everyday. She hears about people trying to escape. Girls managing to still cut themselves with their fingernails. Some girls leave. She misses them. She makes friend with a lesbian girl and they play mancala. The nurse makes fun of then. She says that they are flirting. The nurses don’t like gays or bis.

    Her friend tell her that she tried to escape and the she’s going to try again. The girl worries and tell her not to.

    The next day she is still there. The girl is happy. She misses her parents although they call her tow times a day. Wednesday and the weekends are visiting days. She meets with them once. But its not for long.

    By a few days past she isn a living zombie. Her muscles have weakened from lack of movement. She craves naptime. She’s so drugged up from the doctors she and her new friends are barely conscious most of the time,. They spend their extra time watching MTV or other music video channels on the TV.

    By Sunday she gets a pass to leave from her doctor. She goes out of the hospital and spends time with her aunt and mother and sister. She goes home and shaves hger legs. Something she’s been dying to do. Then she spends time with her cats, goes out to eat and spends time at the mall. She hasn’t worn makeup in aweek but she doesn’t care.

    Bby night she goes back to the hospital. She tells the other girls about her day. They are jealous she got to shave her legs. Her friend left that day. She feels alone.

    Next morning her doctor tells her she is to leave that day. She packs and spends the day celebrating. Her dad picks her upo. She doesn’t get a chance to say goodbye to the girls she has bonded so much with, but she doesn’t notice this now. She is only happy to be out.

    She and her dad listen toi her favorite song over and over again the whole way home. She cries tears of joy. She feels better. For now...
     
  2. Wow, that's really intense...
     
  3. TeeBe

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    I can't imagine. Ever.
     
  4. Jim1454

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    I can't imagine either... What a relief though to know that the person writing this is the same person that is contributing to this forum - so I know that they are still alive.

    I find it so sad that a better environment can't be provided for those people most in need of care and support.

    Thanks for sharing what must be a very painful experience with all of us.
     
  5. Steam Giant

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    That's so sad ; ; and while it upsets me that your living environment was so sub-par, for some reason, it doesn't surprise me. It's terrible that facilities designed to save lives have so much trouble with funding.

    Like the others said, I can't even imagine what it must have been like to have lived in that facility. It seems like something out of a nightmare o.o you were very strong to endure it!
     
  6. tired_of_lying411

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    The power of your writing really illustrates well your experience. I feel as if I were there.

    I'm glad I wasn't. It sounds like a terrible experience.

    You are very strong to tell this, such a personal story.
     
  7. Ashleigh Ann

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    That was excellently composed. I rather enjoyed reading it (which kinda makes me feel bad :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). Anyway. I'm glad you're still alive and hope you are doing better. I was almost hospitalized for suicidal thoughts but then they decided I wasn't at risk. If my parents had taken me in the morning rather than that night after I got home from school, it probably would have been a for-sure deal. I'm kinda glad I didn't have to go through what you did though.
     
  8. RaeofLite

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    (*hug*)

    I hope you continue to do ok.
     
  9. AlyssWonderland

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    That was... amazing to read. I can't even imagine going through that. Glad to know that you're okay though. I hope you stay strong too. :slight_smile: