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Is no PDA, not even once, a dealbreaker

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Driftr, Jan 16, 2015.

  1. Driftr

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    Would you be okay with your partner never ever wanted to show PDA (this includes holding hands) as long as you two were together? Not even on Valentine's day?

    I dunno. I feel like that wouldn't be a deal-breaker to me. I would understand why he would be uncomfortable with it and I wouldn't expect him to show PDA to prove his feelings.

    What do you think?
     
  2. Pinky

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    I think I would be fine with it. I don't like PDA myself, but including holding hands too is even much for me. I'll respect their decision though, it would only be one less thing in my books to not do anyway.
     
  3. Burnedcloset

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    I mean, let's say I'm in west hollywood with my boyfriend.....I think we could hold hands. Why not? If he objects in a situation like that.....idk.....that's kinda weird to me.

    Not a dealbraker but, he would have to have a good reason.
     
  4. Lyana

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    I think I would try to be okay with it, but would come to resent it eventually in a long-term relationship. I want to be able to be casual, spontaneous, and if I have to check myself every time I want to hold their hand... It would do my head in eventually.

    So not an immediate dealbreaker, but I think it would cause problems and tensions.
     
    #4 Lyana, Jan 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2015
  5. gasian

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  6. Browncoat

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    No, not a dealbreaker for me. I'm not fond of public displays of affection in the first place.
     
  7. Chip

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    It's not the lack of PDAs specifically that would be bothersome. It's the underlying feelings behind that rule.

    Unless we're talking about a couple who lives in, say, Dubai or somewhere else where it wouldn't be safe, a person who is absolutely, positively, not OK with any sort of PDAs, not even holding hands... is likely dealing with a lot of shame about who s/he is. Now... we all have shame. But someone so afraid of it that they can't show even the most minor form of vulnerability, such as holding hands... that would be a dealbreaker. Not for the lack of the PDA itself, but for what it means for the underlying issues for that person.
     
  8. Kaiser

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    Depends where we are and what we're doing.

    If we're going grocery shopping, okay, maybe we don't need to be holding hands. If we're in an environment that it may cause more trouble, than the worth that would come with making a point, okay, I can understand that. But if we're in a movie theater and we can't even lean on each other, that might be a problem.

    Would it be a dealbreaker just once? No, that'd be kind of ridiculous. But if it kept going on, in every situation, then as Chip mentioned, I'd be kind of curious as to the underlying reason. Of course, I'd assume that something like this would be noticed early on, be it dating or just hanging out/around, and wouldn't crop up, say, 2 years down the road -- if it did, then I'm going to be REALLY curious as to what happened.
     
  9. Black Raven

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    In complete agreement.
     
  10. CyanChachki

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    I don't think it's necessary to show it in public, although it's nice. I would trust in them that they weren't with anyone else and as long as they could do those things behind closed doors, I wouldn't mind.
     
  11. Aussie792

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    This is exactly how I feel.

    I'd be fine with a guy who just doesn't do it. Not running away from it, but never feeling the need to initiate it. I'd feel very uncomfortable with someone who's clearly ashamed or scared (there is very little reason here to be so).
     
  12. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I don't want to have any PDA in my relationship. It's just awkward and causes unwanted attention. Attention is fine, but it should be saved for private, especially since gay couples are more likely to be harassed (sometimes even raped and killed) if It's obvious they are gay.