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The "what if you don't like it?" question

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by XenaxGabby, Jan 17, 2015.

  1. XenaxGabby

    XenaxGabby Guest

    So, the friend that I came out to a few weeks ago asked me a weird question. At least I think it was weird. She was not mean about it in any way but it made me feel a little ticked off. We were talking about my liking girls and she asked me "What if you date a girl and have sex, and don't like it?" My response was "That's not going to happen. I'm 100% sure of my sexuality." I guess it's a legitimate question. I've never been with anyone but still. I know that I DO NOT want sex with a guy.

    It just made me feel invalidated somehow. I mean, is there any gay people who had their first sexual experience with someone of their gender and not liked it? And realized they weren't gay afterall? I think it's pretty rare.

    Also, it bothered me a bit because no one ever asks a straight person who has never had sex "What if you don't like it?"
     
  2. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Exactly.

    If this subject rises again, ask her: "Well, what if you date a guy and have sex and don't like it?".

    It's the same thing.
     
  3. Black Raven

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    Well then you and that girl just weren't sexually compatible. Simple as that.
     
  4. XenaxGabby

    XenaxGabby Guest

    ^ That's a good response! If anyone asks me that again, I'll use it:slight_smile:

    Again, I don't think she was being homophobic. I just think it was a typical question that straight people ask because they just don't understand. I'm not mad at her, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

    Seriously though, are there gay people who realize their actually straight after having sex with a same-gendered person?
     
  5. Burnedcloset

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    My reply: haha, im suuuuuuuuure I would like it *pervy smile*
     
  6. CyberScream

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    I like it when I'm comfortable. Simple. I don't like it when I am not.
     
  7. kakich

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    Yes, I didn't like my first sexual experience with a woman, but I'm still a lesbian and I still don't want to sleep with a man.
    It was very scaring, I was super nervous, beside that she didn't know what she was doing at all. I was reaaally turned on, but I didn't get an orgasm. It was not horrible at all, it was even good, because this was my first sex and I was excited and happy after that.
    Sometimes you just cannot relax or the woman is not that good at what she's doing, so you don't go to the end. It has happened to me a lot of times. But no - I have never disliked it, because I've always knew and felt, this is what I am.
     
  8. CyanChachki

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    The first time I kissed a girl, I didn't like it. It was awkward, cold and weird. That didn't mean I wasn't ever going to kiss another girl again..

    ..but really, all you have to do is ask them the same question. Ask them, "But what if you don't like dating (enter their preference here)?" If they get mad, then tell them that's how the question came off. Just because you don't like it the first time, doesn't mean you're done with the rest of them.
     
  9. chocolate dream

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    I guess what she was wondering was how can you be sure that you like women if youve never had any lesbian experiences.
    Obviously theres a lot more to it than that but i see where she was coming from.
     
  10. Brandiac

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    This isn't the same as someone not liking a certain food item without giving it a try. You feel this deep inside and only you can be your own judge.
     
  11. jay777

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    I'd say relax.

    This might tie into some self doubts.

    Do you please yourself ? Yes. Do you like it ? Yes. Would you like it if a female person you love would do it ? Probable answer yes.

    An answer you might give is the comparison to straight people knowing they are straight.
    Well, they just know.
    Or the comparison with food. Some food you just know you like. You just know.


    (*hug*)
     
  12. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    It's a stupid question. Of course you'll enjoy sex if you're attracted to the person, sex is mental after all.

    I haven't done anything either (with either gender) but with my practice with masturbation....(kind of TMI), the use of fingers and anything that stimulated tongues I liked a lot, while any kind of penetration I hated. If an actual penis is supposed to feel heavier than a small toy than I can 100% say I will never like men in my entire life (Or a woman wearing a strap-on).
     
  13. SemiCharmedLife

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    I had a gf back in college and we had sex, and now I've realized I'm gay, have a bf, and have sex with him. So I can speak from experience.

    Sex is different with men than with women. I enjoyed the sensation of vaginal sex and can't get that with a man. But there are things I can do with a man that I can't do with a woman, and I enjoy those too. It's just different. There are new things to enjoy. It took a bit of experience to figure out exactly what it is that I like best, but I figured it out.

    I will say that this completely overlooks the emotional component to sex. That certainly made my experiences more enjoyable, because of the emotional connection with the people I was having sex with.
     
    #13 SemiCharmedLife, Jan 18, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2015
  14. gravechild

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    One (or even several) bad experience isn't going to remove attraction to whomever you're attracted to. It's not all about the sexual act, either. And first times are usually awkward, but it doesn't turn someone off from trying again, unless they discover they're not into a certain type of person, which might or might not deal with sex or gender.

    Bottom line is, once most of us get to that point, we're pretty sure of what we want, and a lot of times, it's preferable to the alternative that's forced down everyone's throats since day one.
     
  15. ANewDawn

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    I'm glad I found this thread cuz I do kinda worry about this. I know I never want to have sex with a guy but what if I end up not liking sex with girls either?
     
  16. Purplefrog

    Purplefrog Guest

    First attempt with a woman was a disaster as I was drunk, extremely nervous, had just met her that evening, and the chemistry wasn't right. That put me off the scent for about 10 years.

    Then... two subsequent women 10 years later; the chemistry was right, I hadn't *just* met them, and it was electric.

    I guess like straight people, you're not going to fancy everyone, and not every time you have sex is it going to be amazing or earth shattering.
     
  17. XenaxGabby

    XenaxGabby Guest

    I'm certain that's why she asked.
     
  18. Psaurus918

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    You can be gay or straight and hate certain sexual encounters. Not everyone is sexually compatible
     
  19. YuriBunny

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    Well, I would think that if you're sexually attracted to someone you would enjoy having sex with them...

    In other words, I'm thinking that if you like the thought of having sex with someone, you would like it in real life too...

    I doubt you'd feel any sort of sexual attraction to someone if you wouldn't enjoy having sex with them...

    One of my friends (well, we're not friends anymore, but still) once tried to tell me that I'll probably change my mind in the future. The conversation went something like this:

    Her: Well, you know, you might change your mind someday...
    Me: No, no way.
    Her: Well, you never know. You might not like being with a girl once you actually do it.
    Me: No, I'm completely sure that I'm a lesbian. I have no doubt. It will not change.
    Her: Well, a lot of teenagers go through phases where they think they like the same gender...

    That's where I stopped listening.

    Yes, exactly. ^^