How Easily Do You Forgive?

It depends on the person, not so much their actions with me. If there's someone who I enjoy spending time with regularly I will forgive them for their slights and move on. But if I'm dealing with shit from someone I would rather not spend time around, I will never forgive them, and will always spurn them or avoid them—even if the reason they initially bothered me wasn't actually all that big of a deal.

 

I can forgive easily as long as the person seeking forgiveness follows a few key rules of apology.

I have an entire philosophy of apology (which I'm about to demonstrate to staff in the coming days for something I said, for example). Namely:

1. The person making the apology must allow enough time for the person hearing it to have fully processed all the hurt the actions caused.
2. The person making the apology must allow enough time for herself to fully understand and be able to explain the reasons it hurt the other.
3. The person making the apology must make it unconditionally.

If these steps are followed, I can easily forgive many things.

The thing is, I'm not used to receiving a lot of unconditional apologies.

 

Too easily. Unless I'm given reason to suspect that their apology is not genuine, I will usually instantly forgive. People can take advantage of me that way until I wig out and essentially cut them out of my life.

 

I forgive, but I never forget...

 

I don't forgive easily. In fact, if somebody has done something to me that I thought was demeaning, wrong, horrible and any other stuff that was of a negative nature on an extreme level, and they wanted my forgiveness? That ship has already set sail and it doesn't come back. As a Cancer, and if trust you and make myself vulnerable to you, and you betray that... then I cut myself off from you and leave you to go kick rocks. I'm sick and tired of being hurt and forgiving someone only to have it happen again. It's the reason I am a social introvert, it's the reason I can't hold healthy relationship, it's the reason I am so locked away in my shell and I don't want to come out. I may be 23, but I have the heart of 7 year old frightened child. Trust and forgiveness... not my thing. If you want forgiveness, then go ask Jesus, but not me. Because I will ask you, "why do you seek my forgiveness? Is it so you can feel better about yourself?" or, "And if I do forgive you. Don't expect me to trust you ever again."

I'm sorry, Kaiser. You asked for a simple answer. I reacted without thinking and went to an emotionally dark place considering this subject. My apologies.

 

Forgive but never forget I guess. I never really set out to have that as my approach but that's generally how I respond. I forgive people very easily, but I always remember when I've been treated badly.

 

I find forgiveness difficult. Not that I often express it, but I will mistrust the intentions of anyone who has failed to repent for their wrongdoings.

I judge whether something should be forgiven based on the severity of the action, the intention behind it, the minimisation of further harm once it's begun, taking responsibility for what can't be salvaged, compensating appropriately for the grievances caused and repentance following the act.

I would provide examples, but then I'd feel the need to elaborate more than is worth the time. What I will say is that I agree with Pret on all but one thing; I don't believe it has to be unconditional. Someone who has taken the lesser of two evils should apologise for the damage done, but they should not have to regret that they made that decision out of the options available if it was the least harmful. It's appropriate that they apologise for the harm done, but they should regret only that they were in a position in which they had to make such a decision at all. If they acted responsibly and as ethically as possible under trying circumstances, I believe an apology can be conditional as well as genuine.

 

No I have noticed. And sometimes I get lost into the wonderful world of thinking and diving into complex issues. I think that's why I feel like I can relate to you. And why I get along with you.

 

Right.

And since people tend to keep doing or saying the same things over and over, I stop forgiving them and try to get them out of my life, if possible, or stay away from them.

Some of these people are either sort of sick, have no clue that they're doing something wrong (to another person), or both.

We can talk in platitudes all we want about this topic but, in the end, human nature, and someone's specific wiring, is just that.

 

Easily, sometimes too easily. I give people a lot of chances and it's not hard to expel poisonous people from my life

 

It depends on what was done to me. I can forgive for most things, but what I cannot tolerate is cheating or lying. I can't look at the person the same way after.

 

I've gotten better with forgiveness. I used to be very vindictive. I still have an instinct to bear grudges but I have gradually learned to be able to forgive certain things if the person is genuinely remorseful, and to consider the reasons behind their actions, assuming these are strong reasons and not simply excuses. Even if it's not immediately obvious people do have stuff going on in their own lives that effects how they are in regards to me.

Forgetting on the other hand is a different story. I see no logical benefit to forgetting. All experience be it good or bad is a learning experience, it's a tricky balance: learn from the things that have happened but don't dwell on them. Dwelling on things that have gone wrong in the past will serve to damage the present and the future, though it's easier said than done for many I find it's better to 'catalogue it away' for future reference.

 

I forgive (conditionally), but rarely forget.

However, there are several instances where I have vowed to never forgive someone. One such person is the minister from my grandmother's church who did not let my father or me speak at my grandmother's private funeral held in a secular funeral home, if we wanted him to speak (per my grandma's wishes). In cases like this, I won't keep quiet in front of the person who committed the offense and will politely kick his ass verbally if the situation presents itself.

Oh, and I can be vindictive as hell.

 

Depends on the act but mostly I "let it go" but don't forget the act.

Also person is importnat as well... I think my mother, my best friend and my cats only creatures that I can forgive and forget what they done... as I can understand logic behind their acts... I understand reason behind other people's actions as well but I don't love them much.

One other thing, I have a very very thick skin. Sometimes people start to apoligize and I wonder what they did or said wrong???

 

Indeed. There is that school of thought that forgiveness needs to be earned. It's not free. The person being forgiven needs to do something different.

---------- Post added 20th Jan 2015 at 11:25 PM ----------

Sometimes, that is earned, too.

What's the saying? 'Revenge tastes sweeter when served cold,' or something like that.